Anxiety about having anxiety, can't break free...

[joewest87]

Hi everyone,

I'll try to keep this as short as I can. Basically I seem to have developed an unusual form of obsessive thinking / anxiety. It seems to almost vanish during life chapters involving a busy and interesting schedule, but otherwise - it's relentless. I have scanned the internet countless times to find people with the same thing as me, but to no avail. I can only describe it as obsessive thinking about the fact that I have obsessive thinking and how I should try to stop having obsessive thinking. I know many people with OCD experience intrusive thoughts and people with anxiety disorders etc experience tangible and intangible fears about various situations etc. But my tendencies seem to be totally based upon the fact that they exist, it's like a vicious circle I cannot break free of. I have seeked self help methods and tried many, but it just doesn't work. A typical example is that I will be thinking something completely random, or about how I should go about breaking free of this hell, then I will experience one, or a string of thoughts based upon general panic about whether my attempt methods will work or not. Also, any thoughts of the past, good or bad, way back or recent, always mutate into a feeling or realisation that I was alright then but am ill in the mind now. The worst ones are when the thoughts are so quick and random, that I forget what they were and so am actually unable to work them out. And if I can't analyse the thought and work it out and confirm to myself that it was 'just a thought', then it simply does not go out of my mind. Sometimes I am 100 percent sure that it was just a thought and still cannot get it out of my mind until I have relived the exact same build up to the thought and worked it out totally. Writing them down makes them come about even more frequently too. I can't remember the last time I was able to just go to bed and not live in terror of the fact that I will face the usual relentless onslaught of trying to work out the thoughts every night again. The amount of times I have been sitting on the edge of my bed, covered in sweat at 8am even though I have been exhausted for hours. The thoughts themselves are not really disturbing, I just cannot get out of the habit of having to analyse them. I tell myself - "it's just a thought, no need to respond to it", but just can't seem to be able to truly realise the words I tell myself. It's as if the thoughts are not thoughts but REALISATIONS that I logically have to analyse, otherwise I won't be able to take the precautions needed to stop being this way. I was diagnosed with OCD and ADHD as a child, I am a worrier of a person in general too. It has existed many times before in my life, but never to the extent that I have to work out the thoughts, before - I'm pretty sure they just occurred to me. I went to Ibiza during the summer for 4 months to work, just to destract myself from this horror, which actually worked, but after a couple of weeks of being back home and having a lack of things to do - it has crept back in to my mind once again. Can anybody out there relate to this?? Thanks

[liann3]

thank god I am not the only one!

I don't feel as if i have anxiety, i just try so so hard not to think of things, but then obviously i have to think of it, it just doesn't make sense.

It's always stupid irrational thoughts, like i would imagine crazy people to get in films like 'kill (someone you love)', even though i would never hurt a fly it's just like my mind is trying NOT to think of this.

If i'm busy im perfectly fine it's when I'm bored or not smoking cannabis it comes and haunts me, good luck with the future xx

[loose30cannon]

Hi, there i was actually amazed that someone else has as much trouble with this as i do , yes they do last long periods off time and pass for awhile and come back but have you been to see a therapist or doc. about these problemsbut i guess too your going to say why don't I well i did and i took zanax for alittle over a month all i did was sleep yes it helped but i couldn't work and support my family so i quit and started looking into herbal remedies and found some that work for me i also pray alot sometimes i think that's all we have is our faith but anyway i have ocd and sgad with depression so if you need to talk just send a post