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Anxiety due to severe guilt

Im a male and got a oral-sex from a female stripper 2 weeks back. I did not go there to get it and did not intend to get it but as she started it I had it in her mouth for 10-20 seconds before I pulled out.

I had anxiety soon after--
1. After consulting Dr.Hook (from medhelp) and my doc in the city and testing negative for bacterial infections I have gotten over the fear of bacteria.
2. After consulting Dr. Hook (from medhelp) and with the suggestion of my doc in my city (and reading different forums), I have come to realize that HIV is a practical-impossibility
Most of the time in a 24 hr period, Im convinced that Im medically ok.

3. However I have a severe severe guilt that I ended up cheating my wife and kid and the fact that I cannot talk to them about that. This is fueling my anxiety and depression. Im questioning myself as a capable husband and father (as I should) and though I dont have suicidal thoughts per se, Im hoping that I die in an accident or get some form of cancer soon (are these thoughts also considered suicidal?)

How do I treat myself in this situation?
Any over the counter drugs/vitamins? Any home remedy suggestions?
17 Responses
1696489 tn?1370825574
OWCH.  I am glad that you are healthy and not passing disease to your wife.  Here is my question: would you do it again?  Do you want to have sex with other women?  If the answer is a resounding 'NO', then there is your answer.  You have learned your lesson.  And you will not do anything of the sort in the future.  Your guilty feelings are justified punishment, if you want to say it that way.  If this were me, I would not tell my wife.  It will only hurt her and our marriage for no good reason since I only love and have sex with her, my wife, and i have no inclination to cheat on her.  Others here may have differing opinions, and this is only mine.  You must decide for yourself what is best.  Blessings - Blu
Avatar universal
By the way, Im wary of taking prescription medications- Alprazolam, Zoloft etc etc because of habit-forming and withdrawal-worries.
Avatar universal
i really like what blu has to say. I too would add a question to myself about why. I ask also about your alcohol consumption, And were you alone or with buddies? Very dangerous situation. And thinking of suicide as a way out of your problem is very dangerous. You might want to get help with that.
     Women's intuition might tip your wife off that something is up. Watch yourself in arguments to see if you might slip when you are angry.   I agree---do not tell her. Spare her and suffer this alone. I hate to say it this way but----time to man-up and accept the fact that for some reason (why to go to counseling) you let yourself---on purpose----endanger your family---a deadly danger.
Add a positive to the situation and get the counseling (you can obviously afford it) and learn the lesson. Boy did you get lucky too!
good luck elankors i wish your family well.
Avatar universal
Thakn you both for replying. Really appreciate it.
My intention was not to get any form of sex from anyone but when you ar ein bad places bad things happen. I have learnt my lesson.

Right now all I can do is look at my kid and cry and look at my wife and cry more because Im happy and incredibly lucky to still have both of them.

My anxiety goes up and down during a 24 hr period just thinking how close I came ot lose everything. I hope this anxiety does not turn into a heart disease or something.

Do you know how I can ease my suffering by reducing my heart rate and be able to relax a bit?
Any home remedies for anxiety and to stabilize mood?

Thanks again!
Avatar universal
You can try going to a gym or participating in physical activities such as sports, that might help relieve stress and anxiety. However, I would suggest talking to a professional counselor if you have or are contemplating suicide. Hope this helps.
Avatar universal
You just found out you're human.  Welcome to the club.  But don't ruin your life over it.  Your emotional system is telling you that you're not the kind of person who cheats easily.  Realize this is something men and women both do, and you have the admirable quality of not wanting to do it again, so you won't.  Your anxiety and guilt is normal given this is something you don't like that you did, but you've learned what you need to learn from it.  Now learn to move on, what is really I think what you're asking.  You're right, this is definitely not a medication situation.  It wouldn't hurt to talk to a counselor of some kind just to figure it all out and get it out of your system.  Telling your wife will just compound the situation depending on her personality.  I'm sure she's done some things she's not proud of as well she hasn't told you in her life.  As for natural treatment, I don't really think you need to take anything for this, you just need time and someone to talk it out with, and that should be a professional so you can be completely honest and get some help on moving on.  There are natural relaxants and natural antidepressants that might give you some anxiety relief, but this is a situation with a known source and therefore you can best treat it through a little self knowledge and some help.  No relaxant will make guilt go away, but guilt is a pretty useless emotion past the point where you learn from it.  Beyond that it just becomes obsessional and that takes away the learning and growing.  A good herb for all around systemic relaxation is passionflower.  For emotional release Bach Flower Remedies can be surprisingly useful.  Have no idea why they work, but often they do.  Any good herbal will give you other relaxant herbs.  St. John's Wort can be useful for depression so this doesn't set in long term.  Good luck.
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