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Anxiety once again: constantly on my mind

Hello, this is the first time I've posted here so I just want to introduce myself and the problem I am having; just to say, I am male, living in Brighton, UK. This post may be very long as I have a lot to say, so I apologise.

25th December 2010 (seventeen years-old): first panic attack, had no idea what it was, all day I worried myself to death as I thought I was dying of lung cancer (as I smoked at the time), the panic attack occurred at night.. I begged my mum to take me to hospital, but in the ended she just soothed me until I went to sleep, it was the worst Christmas I have ever had.

From that time, I discovered that I was experiencing anxiety and began to speak with my counsellor about it (I had already had her for a few months as I had previously been mugged twice, so I was having her to help my fear of walking at night).

The counselling helped LOTS, I eventually passed my driving test (29th April 2011) and felt free - I had no anxiety at all, I felt cured - I went on to enjoy my summer and had a fantastic time.

Christmas 2011: I was dreading it as I was worried about experiencing anxiety again but I had such a strong positive mindset that I had no anxiety at all and had a great Christmas.

Throughout 2012, things were FANTASTIC: my counselling ended in February (as it was through my college) but then things went downhill in July.

Two weeks ago, I was playing basketball and hurt my ankle, I didn't think anything of it. That night, I walked up to my friend's house to watch the Euro 2012 England versus Italy game. While watching the game, my ankle began to hurt very much, and I struggled to walk home. I got into bed and realised how BAD the pain was, I checked the internet. I suddenly felt scared that I was losing blood supply (as it had gone numb) and feared for the worst, but in the end, I got to sleep and it blew over in the morning once I bandaged it up, and healed.

During that time, I developed a common cold, and once my ankle had healed, I began to cough quite a lot, which I assume was a symptom of the cold. Things got scary when I noticed blood in my phlegm, and got extremely scared, I almost had a panic attack one night but managed to sleep it off, and enjoy the next day.

The next night, I had a panic attack lasting six hours - I was in bed and COULD NOT sleep, I could not stop worrying.. I waited until 05:00 AM and had to call my mum down so that she could help me: she advised I put on a comedy and just watch it until I fell asleep, which I did.

Since that night, I went to see a doctor who checked me out and said I was absolutely fine, so there is no health worry - I now just have a CONSTANT worry in my head, I am so scared, my anxiety has now INCREASED because I keep thinking to myself that I am experience derealization. It is Saturday and I cannot get through to the counselling service that I once used, I feel like I'm losing my mind, what am I meant to do? I can't STOP THINKING ABOUT THE ANXIETY, I CAN'T ENJOY MY LIFE.

I don't really agree with taking drugs as I didn't need them last time, I'm sorry about this post being long, but can someone please help me?

Thank you,

Josh

Best Answer
370181 tn?1595629445
Hey Josh! Welcome to the forum.
(I had less trouble getting through "War And Peace!")

JOKE!! Your post was NOT too long! I give you an A+

First thing I'm going to tell you is that you need to calm down! You are not going insane, you do not have some bizzare and fatal disease and you sure as hell are not alone in what you are experiencing. There are millions of us out here that know exactly how you feel and how bloody scary it is. It is completely curable and if you could get your friends to be really open and honest, you would find amongst them at least ONE fellow "sufferer!"
Oh, yeah..............you WILL get your life back. It really hasn't gone anywhere, ya know. You're just letting your mind lead you around by the nose.

So.............December 2010 you had your first panic attack, which came totally out of the blue, which they all do. You have no idea why this happened. But you say you worried ALL day about lung cancer because you smoked at that time. First question. Did something physical happen while you were smoking a cigarette that brought on this intense preoccupation with lung cancer? In other words, were you just sitting there, enjoying your family, the tree, the music.......perhaps partaking of a Christmas "nog," and a cigarette when suddenly you had some chest pain or discomfort? Was it something like that that got you obsessing about lung cancer and ruined the hell out of Christmas?

Well, at any rate, your mum got you calmed down, you survived, but out of that episode, you began to experience anxiety. (I make note that you did NOT say you "began to have anxiety ATTACKS." There IS a difference)
Fortunately you were already in therapy for having been mugged not once, but TWICE! I'm really sorry that happened to you. It must have been very frightening and caused you a great deal of ANXIETY.

NOTE TO SELF:  Both muggings happened BEFORE Christmas and BEFORE the first panic attack.

From December 2010 until April 2011, you stated "I felt free - I had no anxiety at all, I felt cured - I went on to enjoy my summer and had a fantastic time."

You continued by saying..........."Christmas 2011: I was dreading it as I was worried about experiencing anxiety again but I had such a strong positive mindset that I had no anxiety at all and had a great Christmas."

You report that since April of 2011, things were FANTASTIC......until just two weeks ago in July of 2012.

Stopping here for a second, from December 2010 until July 2012, you had one panic attack and an occassional bout of anxiety. Absolutely ALL of us on this forum would kill for a record like that!

Which brings us to two weeks ago when you hurt your ankle playing basketball, which you didn't think anything about. You walked to your friends house, the ankle began to REALLY hurt so you "struggled" to walk home, couldn't sleep, you realized "it" had gone numb.....was "it" your entire foot or just your ankle? Did you think about going to the hospital? Numbness after an injury is not usually a real good sign, but maybe you missed that bit during your Internet search. If you had injured your ankle so severely that you were "losing blood supply," trust me, it would have been extremely obvious. Bleeding internally, especially in an area of the body like the lower extremitites, the blood has nowhere to go like it does if you're bleeding into your abdomen. There's just no space in your foot/ankle for all that blood to pool so your lower leg would have begun to swell up like an innertube. Maybe the Internet didn't explain that aspect of bleeding to death very clearly. Did you not find any place that recommended you apply some ice and/or heat, take an OTC pain killer, elevate it and see your doctor first thing in the morning?
Well, in the end, I'm glad you were able to put aside all your fears of the worst happening, going to sleep and finding that come morning, it had all blown over once you bandaged it and it healed.
I am also glad that you never once mentioned having any anxiety or panic during this frightful event. You handled it like a champ!

Once your ankle healed, you caught a cold. A common one. And you coughed quite a lot, which, by the way, you're correct in assuming that coughing IS very common when we have colds. Even common ones.
You said that you got scared when you noticed some blood in the phlegm.
That CAN be pretty scary, but it's really not uncommon to burst or rupture small blood vessels if we are coughing very hard and naturally that will show up in the phlegm. You said.... "I almost had a panic attack but managed to sleep it off, and enjoy the next day."
Once again you pulled through like a champ, I'm really impressed. You're coughing up blood but stave off any anxiety or panic, sleep it off and enjoy the next day! I admire your fortitude.

The next night was pretty rough for you. A panic attack that lasted 6 HOURS! That's actually quite rare. Most panic attacks usually only last about 20 minutes.........give or take. I would venture to say that rather than a panic attack, you were experiencing some prolonged anxiety. I don't believe anyone having a panic attack is capable of lying down and trying to sleep let alone "put on a comedy!"
You said you "couldn't stop worrying." What other symptoms were you experiencing during those six long hours?

I'm glad you finally saw your doctor and found out that physically you're fine. What is it that you are constantly worrying about? Has your anxiety  increased because of the constant worry or because you fear you are experiencing derealization? Did you discuss ANY of this with your doctor? If you did, what did he recommend you do? Did he think, as I do, that therapy would help you deal with the anxiety. Did he suggest you try some medication for the anxiety? I understand the last time you were going through some anxiety, you didn't take any meds. You say you don't really agree with taking drugs. I respect your feelings, but I have to say that sometimes it's OK to need a bit more help than just talking to someone. If therapy alone works well for you, that's great, and I hope it works again this time when you get back with your therapist. I would just like to see you keep an open mind about medication. it wouldn't have to be something you were on all the time. It could be something that you took only when the anxiety got really out of control. Why suffer when you don't have to? If you have read on the Internet how addictive benzos are, you need to learn more about them. If you take them on a PRN (as needed) basis, you will never have to worry about addiction............many of us don't like that word at all..............but that is a debate for another day.

Going back to what I said many, many paragrahs ago........you need to calm down, get in touch with your therapist as soon as you can, which will probably be Monday, try to stay busy until you can get in to see her. Perhaps you and mum can put on a bunch of comedies?
In my humble opinion, I think that's what you're meant to do.
Peace
Greenlydia    
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Avatar universal
First of all, thanks 'onedayillbefine', but seriously Lydia, thanks so much for your reply, let me explain a few things:

Back to Christmas 2010: I had two panic attacks (which I did not know were panic attacks, I thought they were bad dreams) on the two days coming up to Christmas Day, so on the day itself, I had quite a bad cough, so I just thought that smoking was currently killing me, as I thought the panic attacks were my lungs failing.

The part of my life where I had no real anxiety isn't entirely true, I just knew how to control my anxiety and NEVER felt that I was in danger or suffering: if I felt anxiety coming, I would snap out of it with the click of my fingers.

I didn't tell my doctor about derealization, although I feel a lot more real since discussing it here, but he told me that if I was still suffering, I could go back in a week and get a referral to a cognitive behavioural therapist, which I might do, if I can't get hold of my counsellor.

I think the BIGGEST worry on my mind now is WORRYING itself. I'm currently sitting here, I KNOW I have anxiety and that is why I am so anxious. During Christmas 2010 I had no idea what was happening to me until I saw my counsellor: once I found out I had anxiety I felt absolutely fine as I knew it was in my head. Now I know it is in my head and I just feel worse, I think I'm worrying about not feeling real the most, and perhaps staying this way forever - this has never happened with anxiety before, I used to be strong.. I HELPED my friends through anxiety, they looked up to me as someone who could actually almost 'cure' it.

Seriously thanks for listening, and to give you a heads up, I don't smoke anymore, only occassionally when I'm out on a Friday/Saturday.

Josh
Helpful - 0
1842266 tn?1318860459
I have similar issues i went through a very dark period in my life where fear was in my everyday routine. life scared me my health death u name it i feared it.i still srtuggle sometimes once a scary thought enters my head it takes a lot for me to be able to get it out i focus on the issue and scare myself silly.i suffered from SEVERE derealization i had to go to counseling because i wouldve gone nuts if i didnt. you will get better it wont be easy but convincing yourself and relaxing is the first step.dont worry because that starts it all
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