Aa
Anxiety or what?
Hello there !
The problem which i am talking about is strange for me because i have not heard anyone else talking about this. And I am also not sure that this is anxiety or what.
I am feeling this since last 3 or 4 years. What happens to me is that, when I meet any person of the opposite gender (man) I really start feeling nervous and the foremost symptoms i feel is nausea and heart pondering. But i dont feel this for all the men. I just face this in the presence of a person towards whom i have positive feelings or so called romantic attraction. I feel as if i would throw up suddenly and not able to eat anything in front of that person. I want to ask that is this a physical or psychological problem....and is this a normal thing?. Also give me some suggestions to overcome this.???
Thx.......
The problem which i am talking about is strange for me because i have not heard anyone else talking about this. And I am also not sure that this is anxiety or what.
I am feeling this since last 3 or 4 years. What happens to me is that, when I meet any person of the opposite gender (man) I really start feeling nervous and the foremost symptoms i feel is nausea and heart pondering. But i dont feel this for all the men. I just face this in the presence of a person towards whom i have positive feelings or so called romantic attraction. I feel as if i would throw up suddenly and not able to eat anything in front of that person. I want to ask that is this a physical or psychological problem....and is this a normal thing?. Also give me some suggestions to overcome this.???
Thx.......
@GreenLydia..............and u have guessed right....i belong to a different culture .....:-)
but the thing is that....the problem tht i face is not faced by all others who r also belonging to the same culture.......so i am having some problem somewhere which i want to sort out.
but the thing is that....the problem tht i face is not faced by all others who r also belonging to the same culture.......so i am having some problem somewhere which i want to sort out.
Thank you very much for your replies....they r helping me to understand my problem.
I m convinced to the point told by Lydia and Nursegirl that more practice of dealing with these kind of situations may help me. And i am preparing my self to experience such situations as i want to know more about my problem and want to get rid of it as soon as possible.
Before posting my issue here, I was actually confused and wanted to make sure that either this problem is having physical or psychological reason.....and from your replies i get to know that this is a psychological problem......but still i want to make it clear that....is there any physical disorder in which a person experience these symptoms when she/he is physically/sexually attracted or aroused.....as i am very cleat about the fact that I face these symptoms only in presence of that person whom i attracted to........so is their any hormonal disbalance or lack which can cause someone to face these kind of symptoms.......If your answer wud be "NO".....then i wud be sure that this is purely a psychological problem.
I m convinced to the point told by Lydia and Nursegirl that more practice of dealing with these kind of situations may help me. And i am preparing my self to experience such situations as i want to know more about my problem and want to get rid of it as soon as possible.
Before posting my issue here, I was actually confused and wanted to make sure that either this problem is having physical or psychological reason.....and from your replies i get to know that this is a psychological problem......but still i want to make it clear that....is there any physical disorder in which a person experience these symptoms when she/he is physically/sexually attracted or aroused.....as i am very cleat about the fact that I face these symptoms only in presence of that person whom i attracted to........so is their any hormonal disbalance or lack which can cause someone to face these kind of symptoms.......If your answer wud be "NO".....then i wud be sure that this is purely a psychological problem.
I think the assumption that this poster is dealing with some kind of traumatic reaction due to some abusive/scary event involving a man may be a bit of a stretch. Not to say it isn't possible, and only the OP would really know that. If that IS the case, then most definitely some more aggressive therapy is warranted.
I'm inclined to agree with lydia here, that this seems like a case of social anxiety, with the trigger being more specifically men that the OP is attracted to. I agree that some minimal therapy and PRACTICE (very important in those kinds of situations) would be the best way to decrease the symptoms. Remember, that it is NORMAL to get butterflies in your tummy, and feel a bit "weak in the knees" when someone causes us to take notice of them....but to have symptoms more severe that include nausea...that's where it is bordering more on a social type phobia. THIS IS TOTALLY FIXABLE.
The very best way I think to minimize the symptoms is to increase your exposures to these kinds of people, with the help of a therapist, guiding you with different coping mechanisms to use when those symptoms might start creeping up. The more you experience the interaction with men you are attracted to, the more confident you'll become. Do these symptoms occur ANY time you encounter an attractive man, or only in social situations (ie, dates, bars, clubs). I'm just curious if you have the same kind of symptoms if you would encounter a man in a non-social environment, like the grocery store, or at work?
I think that CBT would be the way to go here. It is an excellent type of therapy that would arm you with some techniques when in these situations. Good luck, and please be sure to let us know how it is going!
I'm inclined to agree with lydia here, that this seems like a case of social anxiety, with the trigger being more specifically men that the OP is attracted to. I agree that some minimal therapy and PRACTICE (very important in those kinds of situations) would be the best way to decrease the symptoms. Remember, that it is NORMAL to get butterflies in your tummy, and feel a bit "weak in the knees" when someone causes us to take notice of them....but to have symptoms more severe that include nausea...that's where it is bordering more on a social type phobia. THIS IS TOTALLY FIXABLE.
The very best way I think to minimize the symptoms is to increase your exposures to these kinds of people, with the help of a therapist, guiding you with different coping mechanisms to use when those symptoms might start creeping up. The more you experience the interaction with men you are attracted to, the more confident you'll become. Do these symptoms occur ANY time you encounter an attractive man, or only in social situations (ie, dates, bars, clubs). I'm just curious if you have the same kind of symptoms if you would encounter a man in a non-social environment, like the grocery store, or at work?
I think that CBT would be the way to go here. It is an excellent type of therapy that would arm you with some techniques when in these situations. Good luck, and please be sure to let us know how it is going!
My educated guess is that a male hurt you in the past, and when you experience a 'male' that resembles in any way the one that hurt you, you have a negative response. Remmembering who hurt you, what took place, thier personality, working thru that and forgiving them but not going back to the same type is the key. But severe caution...Many of us continue to be 'romantically' attracted to ones similar to the ones who hurt us in the past and are doomed to repeat the process until the cycle is known and broken. Not saying this is you, but also people with low self worth will almost always seek abusive types as they feel abuse is all they are worth in other words "Treat me poorly cause thats all I deserve". Children often 'forget' ones who abused them as a protective measure and carry the 'amnesia' well into adult life but subconsciously choose the same types. I hope this helps and I wish you well.....
I get the feeling we are dealing with different cultural backgrounds here. I got that feeling as you said that you only began having this problem 3-4 years ago because you "didn't have to confront males in your daily routine.........."
You say you've always been a shy person but "this is not severe as such...." And maybe when you did not have to deal with males in your daily routine, it WASN'T severe, But things have obviously changed, males ARE now part of your daily routine and if your shyness makes you feel like throwing up, it is SEVERE!
To make this sound very simple, I just think you lack "practice" in dealing with men you find attractive. Part of your post tells us when you met a certain young man, you were friendly and didn't seem to have any problems.........but then you found yourself attracted to him and everything sort of fell apart. You felt numbness and shivering in your legs, (we call that "getting weak in the knees") and we see that as a good feeling. But unfortunately for you, along with that wonderful feeling, also comes the nausea, which is not so great. It's difficult enough being around someone we're really attracted to without fearing we're going to barf on his shoes! I can understand why you wouldn't risk eating anything, but this is a severe reaction, what some might call "avoidant behavior," to save yourself from possible embarrassment. But sadly, you are also putting the brakes on gettitng to know this person better and in the process, you could, and probably are, missing out on a lot of fun.
When I spoke to you about getting into some therapy, I said a "soupcon" of therapy would get you over this quickly. "Soupcon" is a French word and we use it here in a sort of "slang" way to mean "very little........not much." So what I should have said was that I thought if you did get into some therapy, it probably wouldn't take you long to learn how to deal with your shyness. I apologize for the misunderstanding.
While I don't have any problems with you using self-hypnosis to help, I must confess to not understanding much about the process. Is this something you can do within seconds? Or do you need to go off and be alone to acheive this peace of mind or inner calmness? Which to me would seem to only add to your problem. Self-hypnosis sounds a bit like a band-aid to me.........something you would have to do every time you met up with someone you were attracted to. CBT (Cognitive Behavior Therapy) would hopefully "cure" you of this problem once and for all. Or at least it would teach you coping skills you could use all your life. (Which is a fear you expressed, that this severe shyness would affect your persoanl life)
I really believe that with some therapy, some practice and time/experience, you can and will beat this. Thousands of people have overcome their shyness and there is no reason to think you won't be one of them!
I'm not saying it will be easy and it's going to take some work on your part, but also as a student of psychology, you have access to much information on the dynamics of shyness and no doubt ways to overcome it. Take advantage of the incredible resources at your fingertips.
And please understand that I mean no offense when I again say I get a feeling that we are dealing with cultural differences. IF that is the case here, perhaps there is someone who could perhaps act as a mentor for you while you worked on dealing with this issue. If that is not the case, please forget I said anything.
I wish you the greatest success
Peace
Greenlydia
You say you've always been a shy person but "this is not severe as such...." And maybe when you did not have to deal with males in your daily routine, it WASN'T severe, But things have obviously changed, males ARE now part of your daily routine and if your shyness makes you feel like throwing up, it is SEVERE!
To make this sound very simple, I just think you lack "practice" in dealing with men you find attractive. Part of your post tells us when you met a certain young man, you were friendly and didn't seem to have any problems.........but then you found yourself attracted to him and everything sort of fell apart. You felt numbness and shivering in your legs, (we call that "getting weak in the knees") and we see that as a good feeling. But unfortunately for you, along with that wonderful feeling, also comes the nausea, which is not so great. It's difficult enough being around someone we're really attracted to without fearing we're going to barf on his shoes! I can understand why you wouldn't risk eating anything, but this is a severe reaction, what some might call "avoidant behavior," to save yourself from possible embarrassment. But sadly, you are also putting the brakes on gettitng to know this person better and in the process, you could, and probably are, missing out on a lot of fun.
When I spoke to you about getting into some therapy, I said a "soupcon" of therapy would get you over this quickly. "Soupcon" is a French word and we use it here in a sort of "slang" way to mean "very little........not much." So what I should have said was that I thought if you did get into some therapy, it probably wouldn't take you long to learn how to deal with your shyness. I apologize for the misunderstanding.
While I don't have any problems with you using self-hypnosis to help, I must confess to not understanding much about the process. Is this something you can do within seconds? Or do you need to go off and be alone to acheive this peace of mind or inner calmness? Which to me would seem to only add to your problem. Self-hypnosis sounds a bit like a band-aid to me.........something you would have to do every time you met up with someone you were attracted to. CBT (Cognitive Behavior Therapy) would hopefully "cure" you of this problem once and for all. Or at least it would teach you coping skills you could use all your life. (Which is a fear you expressed, that this severe shyness would affect your persoanl life)
I really believe that with some therapy, some practice and time/experience, you can and will beat this. Thousands of people have overcome their shyness and there is no reason to think you won't be one of them!
I'm not saying it will be easy and it's going to take some work on your part, but also as a student of psychology, you have access to much information on the dynamics of shyness and no doubt ways to overcome it. Take advantage of the incredible resources at your fingertips.
And please understand that I mean no offense when I again say I get a feeling that we are dealing with cultural differences. IF that is the case here, perhaps there is someone who could perhaps act as a mentor for you while you worked on dealing with this issue. If that is not the case, please forget I said anything.
I wish you the greatest success
Peace
Greenlydia
Thx for your humble reply......I am a female and i mistakenly put male on my profile....sorry for tht
well...u r right ...i am facing a bit of social anxiety since my childhood as i am a very shy person but this is not severe as such. I am having a gud and normal social life. Although i feel a bit anxious in novel situations.
Yes i am having this problem since last 3, 4 years but it was not noticeable because i did'nt have to confront males in my daily routine...so it went on fine....may be tht is the reason for this kinda anxiety. As i am a shy person and was not use to meeting new young males. and I am not sure about what has triggered it in past. but I remember the time when i first feel this way. This was almost 3 or 4 years back when i started talking to a guy and had friendship with him. at the start it went fine but after some days i felt as when i started talking to him, i feel numbness n shivering in my legs, heart chocking and nausea like feeling. and after that i started feeling this way whenever i meet a person whom i attracted to.
YOu r right again abt the fact that feeling nausea is a sever reaction, n it irritates me as i dont feel comfortable to eat anything during tht time. But now i am afraid about my future as this can effect my personal life.
kindly tell me something about soupcon therapy or recommend any link so i can take help from tht.
and what wud u say about using self hypnosis in this regard.....as i am a student of psychology so i thought self hypnosis wud work for me.
Thx
well...u r right ...i am facing a bit of social anxiety since my childhood as i am a very shy person but this is not severe as such. I am having a gud and normal social life. Although i feel a bit anxious in novel situations.
Yes i am having this problem since last 3, 4 years but it was not noticeable because i did'nt have to confront males in my daily routine...so it went on fine....may be tht is the reason for this kinda anxiety. As i am a shy person and was not use to meeting new young males. and I am not sure about what has triggered it in past. but I remember the time when i first feel this way. This was almost 3 or 4 years back when i started talking to a guy and had friendship with him. at the start it went fine but after some days i felt as when i started talking to him, i feel numbness n shivering in my legs, heart chocking and nausea like feeling. and after that i started feeling this way whenever i meet a person whom i attracted to.
YOu r right again abt the fact that feeling nausea is a sever reaction, n it irritates me as i dont feel comfortable to eat anything during tht time. But now i am afraid about my future as this can effect my personal life.
kindly tell me something about soupcon therapy or recommend any link so i can take help from tht.
and what wud u say about using self hypnosis in this regard.....as i am a student of psychology so i thought self hypnosis wud work for me.
Thx
OK, I admit, I'm confused. You say this only happens when you meet a person of the "opposite" gender that you are attracted to. Your profile says you are male. Not that it matters at all, and it doesn't change what happens to you. In my humble opinion, I think you're dealing with a bit of social anxiety here. Which I think affects all of us to a certain extent when we meet someone we're physically attracted to. It would be classified as a psychological problem. You state you've had this problem for the past 3-4 years. How did you handle this kind of situation before then? Did something happen that may have triggered this new response?
Since this "condition" causes you to feel that you may actually throw up is a pretty severe reaction and I would suggest some therapy to help you deal with this. You are young and no doubt find yourself in this situation quite often, which could turn into a dibilitating phobia if you don't, well, nip it in the bud now.
You ask if this is a "normal" thing and while the black and white answer would probably be no, MY answer is yes AND no. It is incredibly common and easily treatable. And as I said, we ALL feel awkward when first meeting someone we're attracted to. You probably just need to work on building up your self-confidence.
Since this only happens with people you find yourself attracted to, I totally agree with myself that a soupcon of therapy will get you over this quickly.
I wish you the best
Peace
Greenlydia
Since this "condition" causes you to feel that you may actually throw up is a pretty severe reaction and I would suggest some therapy to help you deal with this. You are young and no doubt find yourself in this situation quite often, which could turn into a dibilitating phobia if you don't, well, nip it in the bud now.
You ask if this is a "normal" thing and while the black and white answer would probably be no, MY answer is yes AND no. It is incredibly common and easily treatable. And as I said, we ALL feel awkward when first meeting someone we're attracted to. You probably just need to work on building up your self-confidence.
Since this only happens with people you find yourself attracted to, I totally agree with myself that a soupcon of therapy will get you over this quickly.
I wish you the best
Peace
Greenlydia
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