Anxiety Community
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203342 tn?1328740807


Ok, I admit it. I have had problems with anxiety for probably years. Some days it seems worse than others, or I can go a long time and be fine. I tend to be a worrier, also a bit of a perfectionist. I'm not depressed. I feel pretty good about myself, for the most part. I have a deep faith and that helps a lot.
In the past I've had a lot of problems with fear. I became extremely afraid to fly out of the blue and unfortunately this happened while we were stationed overseas and I had no choice but to fly back (since we were on an island!) I don't know why it just came on so suddenly like that. I was fine flying out there! I've tried to avoid flying since then but had to once again because I was stuck and had to get home and my parents were supposed to drive me but had an emergency come up and just bought me a plane ticket instead. Again I was forced to fly. It wasn't fun but I did it. I'm not sure how I'd do it again but I'd like to get over that.
I've been very protective over my kids. When my oldest had to have surgery and I had to sign those papers (you know the ones! The ones that say possibility of death!) I almost couldn't go through it. I was a nervous wreck but he came through ok, obviously. Now my 4 year old will have to be sedated, possibly completely put under, to get some fillings because he had such a horrible experience with the first time at the dentist, being held down and screaming while they tried to fill his teeth. I'm a nervous wreck again.
I've seen doctors before who tried to immediately give me an anti-depressant (I did try Zoloft. It did nothing for me) and one who gave me an anti-anxiety medication, which I took one time and threw them away because the room was spinning and I felt like I was going to fall.
I am not interested in taking drugs. I am interested in more natural remedies and learning how to deal with it better. I think doctors are just too quick to hand out the drugs as a pat answer for everything.
I don't want to take drugs. I don't like drugs. I barely ever take Tylenol.
If anyone has suggestions on better coping techniques or natural alternatives and remedies, I am interested in that. I did have a doctor try to teach me to deep breathe, which I tried and it was ok but I have a hard time letting go, I guess. I guess I need to work on that. Any other suggestions?

I'm starting to wonder if some of this could be related to my hormones being out of wack or something. I want to get that checked out. Because lately any stress, whether big or little, is getting to me. I feel a knot in my stomach, feel anxious and feel like I'm about to cry at the drop of a hat. My husband and I are fighting more and I wind up crying, which just drives him more crazy.
I feel pretty alone through all of this. No one seems to know or care what's going on with me. I'm hoping I can get a little support here and maybe some suggestions from you all.
Thank you and sorry it's so long!
10 Responses
165308 tn?1323190145
Hi April..welcome to the anxiety forum!!!  I knew I would see you here sooner or later!!  LOL...but seriously, anxiety is not something to joke about...it is as real as any other condition, whether it is diabetes, asthma, arthritis...you name it....it is REAL.  And I know that you will get a lot of support here!  We all understand.  WE are here to celebrate the good days and totally relate to the bad ones, We are here to share ideas on how to beat these feelings that we get....what works and what doesn't.  I hope that you can get control over your feelings very soon....and I know you will.
Avatar universal
well i think you have a good attitude which will help you. i would recommend a psychologist....try to find one you really like. a psychologist listens and helps you work through your problems. they don't prescribe meds at all. they can also teach you different things that may help you when your anxiety is at a higher level. i agree that the meds they have to treat anxiety attacks are rather sedating. thats why i don't like taking the xanax. makes me feel like a different person.
Avatar universal
that is...i would recommend it if you are not already seeing a psychologist.
203342 tn?1328740807
Nope, don't have a shrink. I have a hard enough time opening up here, lol.
First things first, I'm going to try and get everything checked out and see if I could possibly be going into perimenopause. I've had other symptoms that could be related to that and I've heard anxiety can be a symptom of Menopause. If my hormones are out of wack that could make things worse if I already have some problems with anxiety, I guess.
You know, I've always had to be the strong one in my family, the one everyone would turn to. Maybe that's why I have a hard time letting go. I keep a lot inside.
The biggest part of the anxiety I've felt is struggling with fear. I've had problems with that most of my life, starting with being afraid of the dark as a child. I hated being alone too. When I moved out on my own I was so scared I couldn't sleep in my apartment unless someone was there with me. Overactive imagination I guess, lol.
A lot of people never knew that about me. Like I said, I've kept a lot inside. Part of being pride, maybe, but part of it was not wanting to be seen as weak?
When I showed such extreme fear of flying my mom just couldn't understand. She knew I was a Christian which only made it worse because she'd say things like "Why can't you trust God?" I do trust God. That's what has gotten me this far. The only thing that has helped me when I feel such fear is to find comforting scriptures and meditating on them and praying. But when I get lazy or busy and let time go by without doing that then the stress and anxiety comes back and it can come back strong. I have to learn to not let it get so bad before I do something, I guess. Because If I wait till it's real bad then it's harder to calm myself down. I guess I'm just rambling here, lol. Sorry.
370181 tn?1428180348
There are many reasons you could be feeling the way you are. Being the mother of two young kids is exhausting and I understand what you went through with the surgery. My oldest son, when he was 7, had to have surgery and those papers make you just want to grab your kid a run away! But like yours, mine was just fine. I also know about the dentist "thing!" Both of mine were terrified of the dentist and every visit was a nightmare that eventually lead to sedation for every filling or cleaning.
Your sudden fear of flying came on just like mine did. I was fine on the first 10 event free trips and then flight 11, also "even free," found me breathing into the barf bag totally convinced we were "going down!" There was much going on in my life at the time and I think what happened for me was developing a fear of flying was easier than dealing with what was REALLY bothering me.
I understand as well your desire to avoid medication and try to deal with this in a more natural way. Have you given any thought to seeing a Naturopathic or Homeopathic physician?
You definitely need some relief and some answers. I am NOT a doctor, but it sure sounds like a classic case of anxiety/depression, which often go hand in hand. You have all the symptoms. You also sound like a very intelligent woman and I know with a little bit of research on your part, you will find the practicioner who can get you through this rough patch. And that's all it is...........a bump on life's road, a bit of that icky turbulence in the airplane! (Let's hope we're never seatmates!) LOL You'll be fine and you're NOT alone. We are always here.
203342 tn?1328740807
Actually it's two teens and a 4 year old. It's true I've had an awful lot of stress the last few years and that didn't help. I've had some pretty major things lately, from my grandmother dying, whom I was very close to, my husband retiring and us moving (which I did NOT want), my having a baby late in life, my teenage daughter going off the deep end for awhile (she's past that now, thank God!), financial problems, marriage problems, major surgery last year for me, a new diagnosis of Crohns. So, yeah, there's been an awful lot happen and I just feel like even though some things are better that I'm still feeling all that stress. It's like my nerves are shot and I don't know how to fix them, you know? I just don't seem to know how to let go and relax.
I am interested in a Naturopathic or Homeopathic doctor but I don't know if I could afford that and I don't know if any would take my military insurance. I'll have to check all of that out.

Greenlydia, I have one more question for you, if you don't mind. Can a 4 year old show anxiety? And if so, what's the best way to help him? The reason I ask is because my 4 year old will get very upset if we're getting ready to leave the house and a few people go on ahead to the car. He will get very upset that some people are being left behind and will start yelling to wait and don't leave. He'll get very agitated and we have to try and calm him down by explaining that we're not leaving the person, etc. He also gets upset if his routine is disrupted or he thinks it is and will cry, etc. I'm not sure how much is normal or not but I'd like to help him not get so worked up or upset about things. Any ideas?
I hope this isn't too much! Thanks!
Avatar universal
you know, when you say 'trust god'...that doesn't always work. i've never talked about god here...but since you opened the door...i believe deeply that god will help me through this. unfortunately god doesn't get rid of the problem right after i pray. sometimes it's in other ways. i don't know all the answers but i do know god helps...and sometimes it's not directly. sometimes we can pray all we want and we're still not going to get rid of the anxiety...but keeping a positive mind helps and believing that you may be going through it for a reason can help. anyway...don't know if that makes sense...but what i'm getting at is its not always as simply as trusting god...but i don't mean that to sound like i'm saying god isn't the answer.

i guess what i'm really saying is i can understand how you would feel when you're told 'well don't you trust god'...just took me a while to get there.
203342 tn?1328740807
I know! It would just make me feel worse when my mom would say "Why can't you just trust God?" I'd think to myself "I'm trying!" I think God understands and is always there. I don't think I'd be doing as well as I am if I didn't believe that.
Thanks for writing!
165308 tn?1323190145
God is always there.....however, we have to open the door!
Avatar universal
I have just read all the above comments and would like to offer you some tips that worked for me with my anxiety:

- I start off each day at a time, try not to look to future worries or the next Friday appointment thats stressing you out,
- Try and find something to look forward to per day, chocoloate, the walk with a friend, your favorite soap opera, a trip, anything to look forward to
- Try magnesium citrate supplements, I have been taking them for about 2 months now and feel the positive effects, I get to sleep easier and wake up without feeling I did not have any sleep,
- Try visualization techniques, there are plenty on goggle, they involve closing your eyes and imagining you are in the future event that is stressing you out, but you are imagining it being accomplished perfectly well, in your imagining you are calm and in control with a smile on your face,
- Try laughing at something every day, or smiling as much as possible
- Think about something totally different to get you out of the pattern of thinking about your worries
- Change your routine
- Long walks in fresh air to clear the mind

You mentioned peri-menopause, this could very well be a problem area.  I have that same thing and my gyneco was GREAT and helped me understand that hormone fluctuations bring out more anxiety in those of us already anxious women.  Try talking with your obgyn about it and perhaps try the herbal supplements that include evening primrose oil, black cohosh, chaste berry and agnus castus (all natural calming herbs).

Another thing you mention is your 4 year old showing signs of anxiety.  I tried a few techniques with mine and it helped: visualization, they have great imagination, deep breathing, relaxation/yoga (even with children this is great) and getting them to either draw their worries or talk them through.  I also tried to validate their worries, "I can see you are upset" rather than "I know how you feel".  Homeopathy works great on children and we took our son to a homeopathic doctor, after a cure of Pulsatilla 30C he was MUCH better and the separation anxiety had subsided.  He is now 9 years old and is suffering again from it and so we are using the same techniques and they are helping.

Sorry to have rambled on but I just wanted you to know that I can completely relate to what you are going through and wanted you to know that you can send me a PM if you wish for us to keep in touch.

Good luck!
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370181 tn?1428180348
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