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Attempted suicide snap- I don't understand.

Hi.
A couple of weeks ago a gang took over an entire bus, they hit me and saw them beat up a 60 year old man who wouldn't give his bag away. They dragged him out and finished him in the street. I was close to home and as soon as I got it I traced my phone. I immediately called the police, who picked me up to show them the guys hideouts. They couldn't break in without a warrant to whom I reported. I went in person and they said I couldn't make an official statement without two copies of an official document they couldn't print there, I told them I didn't have a printer and it was almost 10pm they told me, even though I was bleeding to go back the next day... Long story short it took me 10 hours to finally state what happened. Almost two weeks later the investigation hasn't begun in spite of me having the exact address of the criminals printed out!
I have struggled in the past with my "faith in the world". But this brought it to another level.
After the shock and repulsion of all this I've been having mood swings, gotten overly sensitive, incredibly sad but most importantly, enraged as I've never been.
Yesterday I woke up fine, but some post on Facebook depressed me again. I invited some people and decided to get drunk. But even though it's usually funny with these guys I went to the bathroom and decided to take some pills. I don't know how it happened, and no, I wasn't overly drunk. I was a bit dazed but fully aware of myself (I had had only two beers in a couple of hours). In a moment it was like seeing my own future, feeling it was all dark and swallowing these pills just made sense.
I had taken like 10 or 11 of them when one of my friends came in. Tried to make me vomit.
They took me to the hospital and here I am.
I don't know if I would do it now. But not for me, but for the people around me.
I still don't understand how I snapped so drastically.
Help me understad..
1 Responses
Avatar universal
thanks for just ignoring me. i guess I keep looking for help in all the wrong places......
2 Comments
Well, to be honest, I don't know why you "snapped" back to "normal." I'm sorry that this world just gets you down, but you can't exactly escape the awful things in it, either. Taking your own life is never the solution, tho. And I get feeling just so done and bad and awful that you get into this headscape where you've convinced yourself that you are just better off dead. Cuz, I've been there too. I've been dealing with severe and long-term fluxes of depression since I was 17. And have thought about taking my life a couple of times, but I know, no matter how much I might convince myself that suicide is the only option, that it's also not the right option.
I would encourage you to try and seek help from a counselor or something, because it sounds like you really need someone to just talk to on a professional level. And if those people are the reason you won't try and commit suicide again, then cling on to those certain people because they are important and they care about you. And you must care about them enough not to leave them, right?  
Well, to be honest, I don't know why you "snapped" back to "normal." I'm sorry that this world just gets you down, but you can't exactly escape the awful things in it, either. Taking your own life is never the solution, tho. And I get feeling just so done and bad and awful that you get into this headscape where you've convinced yourself that you are just better off dead. Cuz, I've been there too. I've been dealing with severe and long-term fluxes of depression since I was 17. And have thought about taking my life a couple of times, but I know, no matter how much I might convince myself that suicide is the only option, that it's also not the right option.
I would encourage you to try and seek help from a counselor or something, because it sounds like you really need someone to just talk to on a professional level. And if those people are the reason you won't try and commit suicide again, then cling on to those certain people because they are important and they care about you. And you must care about them enough not to leave them, right?  
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Arlington, VA
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Arlington, WA
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