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Anxiety Community
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Blaming yourself...

I have some loved ones who suffer from anxiety and I feel like something they do a lot is to blame themselves for anything that goes wrong.  I had read somewhere that when someone who has anxiety blames themselves, it helps them to feel more in control of the situation, however, it raises the anxiety level to constantly feel at fault- it makes it hard to make decisions and to move past things that go wrong.  

Do you blame yourself?  If you catch yourself doing that too much- what's something you can do to help pull yourself out of it?  Is there something that a loved one could do or say to help you with that?  
3 Responses
Avatar universal
Pretty much anyone with any illness can fall into blaming themselves, and with mental illnesses the mind is programmed into negative thinking, so blame is easy.  But keep in mind that people aren't all the same, and people with anxiety disorders aren't the same.  When you do something stupid like drop something, do you sometimes blame yourself for being clumsy instead of just accepting it as something that happens?  It's just natural for people to self-blame, and quite the contrary to what you think, it makes us feel less in control, not more, because it just focuses our thoughts more on negative thinking.  In the beginning, when we begin to get mental problems, it's new, but as time passes it gets very very old, very very frustrating, and that's when people can fall into self-blame.   But I'm sure many anxiety sufferers don't blame themselves at all.  I know I've gone through periods where I do and periods when I don't.  It's impossible to lump people together.  It's possible the people you know also suffer from depression -- most anxiety sufferers do -- and that disorder makes people more prone to do that than pure anxiety.  As for whether saying something helps or not, again, it probably helps some but not others.  But remember, this is a disease, just like having diabetes, and although unlike diabetes you can talk yourself out of it, it takes a lot of practice and professional help and doesn't necessarily work, but try it and see if it helps.  If it doesn't, us anxious people can be pretty blunt with telling you to knock it off.
1 Comments
Great points and feedback- thank you for sharing!  
Avatar universal
Yeah, taking the blame for things allows ownership.  Taking ownership for things that don't necessarily warrant it breeds more anxiety and as in my case, is related to depression as well.  The two seem pretty well linked.
Avatar universal
I have severe anxiety.but I've been fighting back. One of my biggest triggers for anxiety is lack of control or loss of control. When your feeling down it's easy to blame yourself and others. But i look at issues differently. I break them down to smaller issues or tasks. I find the word blame to be a negative and a part of an unfinished thought process. Wher is the guilt, jealousy, resentment or a number of other emotions one experiences before they choose to "blame"? I would say that when I feel like this especially considering with anxiety you already feel like everyone is out to get you. Remove the negative words, conversations and subject matter that triggers mania. Forgiveness counters guilt, honesty could counter jealousy and resentment. I find for me, If I remove all the negatives away from the moment, I'm left with how anxiety is supposed to make you feel at its rawest form and in a wierd way it's comforting. Like my logic behind this is. I'm more scared of not knowing then knowing. So idk if that helps. But I hope it does. I'm in the middle of an attack right now and can't seem to move from where I'm sitting cuz I feel like I'm dieing. But what's it gonna hurt to try.
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