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Blood/HIV phobia questions

I guess what is happening with me is that I have a blood phobia.  I grew up during the middle of the AIDS epidemic of the 80's and 90's in a extreme religious environment and I realize a lot of my fear is based on guilt.  Basically, I have long running HIV phobia.  

11 weeks ago I got elbowed in the face playing basketball.  I honestly don't remember if there was any bleeding at all, but if there was it was only a small amount.  I kept ice on it but it swelled up for a few hours.  Later that day I made the choice to make out with a married woman (guilt factor) who I am apparently being judgmental of now by thinking she might be HIV positive.  She has been having a lot of dental work recently so now on the back burner of my mind I'm constantly worried that she might have had bleeding gums.  I never saw or tasted blood, it's just this problem of "what if" in my mind that has me thinking of the possibility of  her bleeding gums coming into contact with the wound on the inside of my lip.  I've been testing with the Oraquick oral swab up until today, which is 11 weeks.

I'm sure you can tell I'm torn between the reality of the situation and some paranoia.  I'm the type that worries about 11 week window period vs the manufactures stated 12 week window period.  I think if I had some solid info about "open wounds" and if this "remote possibility" even exist I could put it behind me.

Thank you!
2 Responses
Avatar universal
I also had a HUGE HIV/blood phobia. I wasted 3 years of my life worrying about ZERO risk factors and I can tell you 100% u had ZERO risk. I fuilt guilt about having meaningless unprotected sex with multiple partners before I met my fiancé, but I still felt guilt. I was also terrified of blood! I always thought what if I touched a door handle with blood and I had a little scrap on my hand..... What a stupid worry huh? Please don't waste years of your life like I did.... Now if you had unprotected sex, or shared a needle with this person then sure you would techniqually have a risk, but that doesn't mean you would have if.

Here is what you need to focus on.
You NEVER had a risk
You tested NEGATIVE
0.3% of Americans have HIV (if you're American) not 3%. 0.3%

Accept the facts and not the feeling of guilt.  Understand that if you never share needles, or have unprotected sex with a person of a unknown status you'll never get HIV. I guess if you are in a brutal car crash with a person who has HIV you could possibly get it then?...

Anyways, I had to learn to accept the facts, accept my negative tests, and not believe my guilt and anxiety over proven science. I promise you that the incident you explained did not give you HIV, you have negative test results to prove that.

I have been in your shoes bud. I was in them for 3 long awful years I'll never get back.
Avatar universal
Thanks for the encouragement!  It helps to talk it out.  I had a friend explain to me yesterday that for there to have been any risk that she would have to 1, be positive, 2 be bleeding profusely, and I would have had to had a large bleeding gaping wound.  Trying to accept that truth and my 11 week oraquick results.  The thought of testing at 12 weeks for the sake of the oraquick 12 week recommendations just causes more anxiety for me.  
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