Am I alone on this anxiety?

[triumphite]

Hello all,

I just found this web site, and have started a mood tracker.

I'll give a quick background. I'm a male, 36,  married for 15 years, with a new baby. I have been employed at my current job for 10 years.

Here is my problem. I get/have incedible anxiety/depression when I had an argument with a co-worker.  Even after we both apologized and went our own ways, I still think about the event and the person everyday,  almost non-stop!  All negative feelings, like what I would have said, or should have said....two weeks ago.  I just can't let it go.

So now it eats at me constantly. It's like I feel like I'm in a bully situation. Like when I was a kid. I feel really out of sorts.

Here's the kicker. The same exact and I mean EXACT same feelings started when I was in my home owners association meeting and I got into an argument with a board member. The anxiety/depression feelings lasted almost 5 months. And it wasn't even really an argument, just some silly e-mails back and forth.  Everything I do during this time I'm in my funk, has this undercurrent of feelings from the same event/person from all those many weeks ago.

I see a doctor and he put me on Luvox, which might as well be sugar pills, because I notice no effect when in the anxiety/depression/can't stop thinking about it phase. So I have been on it for a year now.

When this latest event happened, my doctor was out of town and I saw his partner. He put me on Ativan. That seems to work when in panic mode, but it's the current of those thoughts will not go away. It is really effecting my life.

Also, where I work, I have to keep this all in total secrecy because of the stigma. Nobody knows. Just my wife. I feel all alone with this.

[Paxiled]

Just know it's the anxiety and insecurity inside you, not what's actually going on outside you.  It's a weird disease, if that's what it is.  I used to get headaches when challenged.  Just have to know it's not real, then click your heels twice . . .

[triumphite]

Thanks Pax,

I see a therapist now. What is really strange is the fact that this feeling will go away. Then I feel like a regular person. This is the second flare up. It just seems to knock me on my butt and I can't get out from underneath it.  I thin what it is, is that I mae mountains out of molehills and really think small problems are going to lead to catastophic events. Like I'm scared to death that my employer will find out and fire me.

[Paxiled]

If the luvox didn't work, why are you still on it?  As for the rest, nobody knows why these things just pop up, but they do.  Your psychiatrist put you on Luvox because he read in a book it's good for OCD, which of course you don't have.  You just have obsessive thinking.  Since it isn't working and interacts adversely with a long list of other medications you might need, I suggest you wean off it, but learn how to do it first.  I personally would have tried therapy first to try and find where the insecurity is coming from, but if you're going to do medication, when it doesn't work, move on.