Can you be your own worst enemy?

[Botcho]

I don’t have panic and anxiety like many people that worry about things like a heart attack, etc. That is the root cause of their panic. I do however feel the same pain, and can totally relate. Unfortunately I cannot put my finger on mine. When I go to bed at night I have a racing heart, and when I wake up I have a racing heart. I am not thinking about anything in particular. I do however love the fact that I can sleep, as I feel like it is the only peace that I can get.  The rest of the day is a fight from this uneasy feeling that I carry around. It’s a feeling of not feeling like you. It’s maddening. I take 5mg of valium twice a day, but feel like it has worn off. I don’t like taking medicine, but if that little bit keeps me from going crazy so be it. I take other meds, but nothing else for anxiety or depression. I do not feel like I am depressed; in the same sense either, just depressed about the way I feel.  Any thoughts?

[cj29]

I would also be proud of the fact that I was also on Valium if I were you....don't forget to give yourself credit when it is due.  You have been on a long hard journey and yet you are able to still have a sense of humor about it...believe it or not, that is VERY big in my opinion.

Sometimes finding the right counselor can be some trial and error, but keep working at it!  Keep us posted!

[Botcho]

Thanks for your posts. I have been dealing with it for quite some time, 2 years. Never had a symptom before that. I was given a steroid injection, that went terribly wrong.
I have seen a few counselors, but I have yet to find the right one for me. Many times, from the research that I have done, the conversations that I have had with all of you, and other boards, I come to find out a great many things about myself, and the whole anxiety and depression world. I think right now my biggest issue is PTSD, from the shot and hospital stay. I had never been in a hospital before, and that I am my own worst enemy. I have never taken drugs, or drank that much, and the the thought of taking medication does not sit well with me. Since the shot and reaction, I have run the mill as far as perscribed medications, Depakote, Buspar, Ativan, Seroquel, Neurontin, Remeron, Trileptal, Percocet, Hydrocodone, Oxycontin, Propranolol, Lyrica, Vistiril, Lunesta, Ambien, Haldol, and probably a few others. As you can see, in two years time to take all of that, when I had never take a pill prior to that except over the counter stuff, is pretty wild. I give myself a lot of credit to be only on Valium, Propranolol Lyrica and a anti-inflamatory is quite a feat.
I swear I am going to write a book on how the system took a normal happy go lucky person and turned them into a pin cushion;P  

[Caveman24]

What is is you are thinking about during the day that gives that uneasy feeling? I also feel the same peace that I can sleep but I think it is because I am usually awake for 16 to 20 hours a day because of my job and because I want to have a few hours with my family before I go to bed. Anyway sorry to get off subject, there has to be something that makes you anxious no matter how small or big or silly or scary it  effects you on a subconcious level it could be from when you a little kid or something in a dream. Anxiety can be very maddening and frustrating if you don't no where it's coming from I think we all understand that. It effects the way we live and we don't feel so carefree anymore. All I can say is keep fighting and maybe one day we will all be the people we used to be and not the anxious or depressed people we are now. Good Luck

[cj29]

Anxiety and depression often go hand in hand because of the stress of dealing with the anxiety.  How long have you been dealing with this?  Do you have access to a counselor that you can talk it through with?  I assume you have been checked out by the doctor because you have a prescription for Valium...sorry for so many questions..just trying to learn a little more about your situation.