Can't eat for fear of dying. And more!

[LighteningGirl]

Hi, I'm a 20 year old female in University.
The past few months I've developed severe anxiety; I get panic attacks at least once a week and become extremely anxious about just about everything. I've been trying to track down why I get like this and I've concluded that mostly my anxiety/ attacks come after/ during meals.

Every piece of food I put into my mouth I become anxious over thinking I may be allergic or get food poisoning, and my brain switches into panic and I think that this is my last hour. This happens every day. I constantly check in the mirror for hours after eating to make sure my throat isn't swelling up and about to close or I have hives or something. From the anxiety my throat feels tight randomly throughout the day or it feels like I can't swallow and I need to gasp for air... and when I'm eating this excellerates. I constantly drink water to make sure I can still swallow. You see, even though right now I can say it's "anxiety" there's always that voice in the back of my head telling me that this one time I may be wrong, this time I'm actually having an allergic reaction or whatever it may be.

Also, every ache I feel in my body, or heartburn or whatever I get I think is a symptom of a sever underlying disorder that I may have. I spend hours on google and looking at health forums trying to see what's wrong with me and if I'm going to just die instantly in the near future because of it -hence finally deciding to join one. My heart pounds/races OFTEN and I'm always taking my pulse and getting all worked up over that thinking I'm having a heart attack or something. My left arm hurts a lot too. I'm a hypochondriac as you may be able to tell... :P but it gets REALLY scary. Like, so scary.

Side note: I've been diagnosed with "generalized anxiety disorder/ panic disorder" and "depression" but I don't take the medication the psychiatrist gave me because it gave me some bad side effects. I stopped seeing him and now I'm seeing a school counselor who is slowly trying to help me, but I have so much trouble letting things sink in to the point where I actually believe them instead of just hearing them. I try to distract myself and take normal breaths, talking to people, sipping water, anything to calm myself down... but it almost never works.

Any thoughts? I'm pretty desperate.

[rayas2424]

Hi I am a 24 year old female I've been fighting w anxiety OCD for about 4 years its seems to me that its getting out of control I have very negative thoughts that I can't stop I convinced myself that I have a disease I did go to the doctors to get tested but my results aren't in yet and its killing me to think I'm going to hear bad news I can't eat because of the fear of choking and because my anxiety doesn't let me went to the hosptal yesterday and they put me back on Paxil I feel like I'm a nightmare that I myself made need help big time

[isabelle20]

I use to get a pounding heart after eating, im also a 20 yr old university student. One day after eating i had to send an email to a lecturer i was so distracted by that i wasnt thinking about my heart pounding or anything and it was that day i realised all the anxiety was causing my heart to race etc, try telling yourself you don't care if your heart pounds, you've been through it before and it just passes, theres no dying involved. Seriously, when you dont care you'll feel fine

[RubyWitch]

I'm not surprised in the least that mammo repeated exactly what I advised. It's good advice and I suppose it did bear repeating.
You can always PM me if there are things you don't want to discuss on the public forum.
Keep in touch, Sweetie, OK?
Peace
Greenlydia

[Katie35801]

I understand 100%.

[mammo]

You need to understand that anxiety is just like any other medical condition that requires medications daily to control the symptoms.  We tend to think because it's mental that we should be able to handle it, but we can't and this is why we have the many specialists.  If you were diagnosed with Diabetes you wouldn't think twice about taking the required medication for that, anxiety is no different.  I think you are putting a lot of pressure on yourself by feeling you should be able to handle this on your own.  You need to accept that you need medical help. You are putting your health at risk, both physically and mentally. This will not go away by itself, and I'm not sure your counselor is the only route to go.  This all evolves around your anxiety and until you get this under control, the problem won't go away.  You're so young and the sooner you truly address this, the sooner you can start living your life, and rid yourself of this obcession. Life's short, you don't want to miss a second of it!  We all understand and care and just want to see you get better.  I wish you all the best and take care.

[LighteningGirl]

Thanks for responding,
I just... I really hate the thought of becoming dependent on medication for something that's in my head. That is part of the reason I haven't tried other medications. When I go to the psychiatrist I have listed off what is going on - very personal things I'm not very comfortable talking about cuz I'm so embarrassed- and all he says "here, take this". It just doesn't feel right. However, I do trust that you know what you are talking about.

I haven't told many people about my issues. My family and friends just know the surface details, that I haven't been feeling myself lately. I have tried to explain it to some who are close to me but no one really knows what to do about it. They know who I usually am and say that it will pass with time and I don't need medication. I just don't know.

I am really scared there is something wrong with me. I'm always so sad/scared and trying to hold back tears. It's all comes out of nowhere. I was never like this 6 months ago, and I remember what I used to be like and I try to just BE like that again and forget about here and now "me". I suppose it doesn't work like that. Sorry for venting, it's just nice to have someone to talk to about it.

Anyways, okay, I will try to make an appointment with the psychiatrist again over the holidays, though I am really not looking forward to that :S

Ps, when you say "putting your heath at risk" do you mean mental health or physical? I do eat well, I force myself to. I've maintained a healthy 5'2 being 120lbs... I eat vegetables and meat and drink milk and everything. It's just very difficult to do as I described before. What I'm getting at is can the panic cause problems? Like heart problems or something?

Thanks again. I know I talk a lot :P

[RubyWitch]

My thought is that you should go back to the psychiatrist and tell him you didn't like the side effects of the med(s) he put you on. There are many others he can try that you may tolerate much better, but understand that most meds are going to have some side effects for a few weeks until your body adjusts to it.
You have many issues going on and I fear you're putting your health at risk. You need help, which I believe you understand. I'm sure the school counselor you're seeing is doing their very best to help you, but I think your problems may be too deep for them.
I very strongly urge you to get back with the psychiatrist as soon as possible. You're in a vicious cycle right now..........almost a crisis, and you need professional help to make it stop.
And it will, will a lot of hard work on your part, but everything you have is fixable.
I understand how scared you are, we all do..........but don't let that fear stop you from getting yourself back.
I wish you the best
Peace
Greenlydia

[Kelly_NH]

The thoughts you are describing sound pretty frightening, but the alternative is frightening too. The human body needs food and water to exist. Some the the symptoms sound like a thought disorder, but you would need to be assessed by a clinician skilled at diagnosis to be sure. If you are having problems like that, they respond well to medication, but sooner is better. It may also be a different set of meds than would be useful for anxiety/panic. It's a little tricky because symptoms often overlap. Please go and get an evaluation- 48 hours on the right medication and you would feel a lot more like yourself again. Not 100%, but well enough to begin dealing with whatever is going on.