Constant anxiety & panic attacks about things that isn't remotely real

[gnar123]

Hi,

So I always have this fear of having diseases, and for some reason especially I'm afraid of having HIV. This started since I was even a virgin and I would be worried about the slightest chance.

Now that I am sexually active, no matter how much I use protection with my partner, I still afraid of it. I still think that I have a high chance of having it. It came to the point that even after taking the test and seeing the test result with my own eyes I still don't believe it, and my brain started to trick me into thinking that I didn't even had the test. I have to constantly checking the area of my hand where they draw the blood to remind myself that "hey, you took the test!".

And now after I (not so successfully) reassure myself that I am ok, I am starting to doubt if I wore condom, if the condom broke and my partner didn't tell me, if he has problem.

The thing is that this become a pattern and has been going on for years now and my mind rarely ever rest. I am very tired and there are months when I got panic attacks every other day. I haven't visited a psychiatrist yet, partly because I'm embarrassed partly because I'm too busy to go..

Does anyone has the same problem and how did you over come it?

[Paxiled]

This has been going on for years?  Hasn't anyone suggested long before now that you get into therapy with a psychologist before it got to this point?  

[gnar123]

I have always had this problem. I know I should have gone to the psychiatrist but I am afraid of doing so. The last time I talked with a psychiatrist I just sat there and barely said anything because I would just cry and it's too embarrassing for me to handle. Also psychiatrist cost a lot here so I really do need to consider the cost-effective side of it.

[Paxiled]

I said psychologist, not psychiatrist.  A psychiatrist gives you drugs.  A psychologist gives you therapy.  Some psychiatrists still do therapy, but not most, and they have less training in psychology than psychologists, who charge less.  As to it being embarrassing, doesn't matter -- a good psychologist who specializes in anxiety treatment (most don't) will help you with that as well.  I can tell you there's nothing to be embarrassed about, but I can't make you feel no embarrassment -- your thinking is all messed up and that's what needs changing.  It's true that a good psychologist is very expensive over time because it takes time and the best ones don't take insurance.  Psychiatrists are cheaper in the sense that they will put you on medication and then not see you very often, but then you're on medication and it's always better to get help with the least amount of possible harm if you can.  If you can't, then your psychologist will recommend a psychiatrist for medication.  But how much is it costing for you now to suffer?

[AnxiousNoMore]

Write down everything that is a problem in detailed report style, then make an appointment with a psychologist and mail or deliver it to the psychologist when you make the appointment. That way the whole story will be there for him when you show up, and you will get the proper attention. This is a serious issue to be suffering all the time wondering if things that you know can't happen did somehow happen, so you should get on it.