So I always have this fear of having diseases, and for some reason especially I'm afraid of having HIV. This started since I was even a virgin and I would be worried about the slightest chance.
Now that I am sexually active, no matter how much I use protection with my partner, I still afraid of it. I still think that I have a high chance of having it. It came to the point that even after taking the test and seeing the test result with my own eyes I still don't believe it, and my brain started to trick me into thinking that I didn't even had the test. I have to constantly checking the area of my hand where they draw the blood to remind myself that "hey, you took the test!".
And now after I (not so successfully) reassure myself that I am ok, I am starting to doubt if I wore condom, if the condom broke and my partner didn't tell me, if he has problem.
The thing is that this become a pattern and has been going on for years now and my mind rarely ever rest. I am very tired and there are months when I got panic attacks every other day. I haven't visited a psychiatrist yet, partly because I'm embarrassed partly because I'm too busy to go..
Does anyone has the same problem and how did you over come it?