Controlling my Life

[jmsm2006]

Hi everyone!  I just found this forum and so glad that I have.  I am a 33 year old woman who suffers from depression, anxiety and panic attacks.  I take 100mg of Zoloft daily and 0.5-1mg Ativan as needed.  I've been on these medications for a little over 2 years.  I see a psychiatrist every 2 months.  I have an intense and irrational fear of being alone.  I'm afraid something is going to happen to me.  For example, there is a conference I would like to attend later this month that is in New York City.  I live about 5 hours away and would take a bus into the city.  I will probably not go unless my husband is able to come with me because I am terrified of going on the bus and going into NYC alone and staying overnight by myself.  Whenever my husband goes out of town, I have to stay with a family member because I have intense panic attacks.  I just wish the anxiety and panic weren't controlling my life.  I just don't know how to make it better.  During the attacks, I can clearly think that there is no reason I should be panicking, that I'm fine, nothing is happening; but I can't make it stop.  It's very frustrating and makes me angry.  I just want to live my life and do what I want, but I'm constantly worried that I'll freak out and start panicking when a family member isn't around to support me.  Anyone else dealing with the "fear of being alone"?

Thanks for "listening"!  

[jmsm2006]

Thank you for your helpful information.  I'm definitely not agoraphobic and most of the time I am fine being home by myself (with my dogs!).  I think my husband has become my crutch and whenever he goes out of town or is not easily accessible to me, I get very anxious.  I am not sure why - if it's fear for my safety, his safety?  My panic and anxiety used to be a lot worse than it is now (I would have panic attacks in the middle of a store for no reason whatsoever and have to run out).  So, I definitely think it has improved from 2 years ago.  It's just that I want to not have to think about having a panic attack if I'm by myself on a bus going to a conference.  I had not heard of "anticipatory anxiety", but that is exactly what I have.  I play the "What if" game constantly.  It's very aggravating.  Both of my parents suffer from depression and anxiety, especially my father.  My dr seems to think it might be hereditary.  I don't know what the root of my problem is.  I can't seem to figure it out.  I see my doctor again on the 15th, so I will definitely bring up some of the suggestions you gave me.  Thank you.

[Rich99]

The main problem now is 'anticaptory anxiety.'    You now anticipate that it will happen and so you become anxious and panicky with those thoughts.    The meds only mask the symptoms and don't get to the root of your feelings.    It will require therapy that was said in the replies.

[RubyWitch]

With anxiety and panic, being alone CAN be frightening. What I'm concerned with is that your p-doc is not treating your anxiety/panic aggressively enough. He has you on Zoloft, which helps not only with depression but also mild anxiety, but in your case, I think you should discuss an adjunct antianxiety med. Since you have been on these meds for a little over two YEARS and your anxiety level is still this high, it's NOT being controlled. Pehaps it's time to discuss a long term benzo like Klonopin, which will keep your anxiety under control rather than a prn med like Ativan. Just a thought.
And to the above poster, you added some great ideas, but I don't think the OP has a problem with agoraphobia at all. The fear of being alone is not the definitions of agoraphobia. This poster obviously has no problem leaving her home, in fact, when she finds herself alone, it's likely the first thing she does IS LEAVE. Also the fact that she WANTS to take a 5 hour bus trip into NYC and attend a conference is proof, (in MY book) that she is not afraid of being in open spaces, outside the safety of her home, she just has a fear of doing it alone. I see that as two different disorders.
My advice to you, jmsm, is to talk with your p-doc about your meds and possibly seeing them more than every two months, or perhaps they could recommend a therapist you see in between visits.
We understand your fear, but there is an answer for it. I hope you seek it out so you can stop living with this fear.
Let us know how you're doing,OK?
Peace
Greenlydia  

[kay2486]

ive just gt over my anxiety, mine started after i had a very bad birth experience with 2nd baby, its taken 7 months to get right, i felt the same as you needing someone with me all the time  incase something happened i knew nothing was going to happen its just the thought of what if? the way i got over it was ignoring the anxiety for instance id feel weird and lightheaded for no reason id ignore that so it doesnt turn to full blown panic, there were times when i was shopping on my own i felt like i couldn't breath i ad to tell myself im fine nothing bad is going to happen, i think your psychiatrist should treat you for agoraphobia a fear of being in open spaces now you have developed a fear of leaving your home incase something happens. nothing will happen to you, you have been diagnosed with anxiety nothing serious just our minds playing tricks on us thats all, tell yourself u r fine, fit and healthy and it takes time but this will not rule your life. i know exactly how you feel and you will get better just takes times