I'm not used to working. I was hoping I would get used to it but it's been over a month since I started, 2 weeks since we opened and it seems to be just getting worse. But I don't want to be unemployed again I don't know what to do.
When I'm off work sometimes the anxiety is the worst :(
For example right now and since i've gotten out 5 hours ago, I'm freaking just hoping time goes by slow so I can relax more or something before I go into work tommorow morning at 5am, and time just flies when I'm out of work. But when I'm in work I'm just freaking out because time goes so slow and I'm just waiting to get out.
^^^This anxiety/panic from my job is driving me crazy and I've had anxiety before but never constant like this. I'm freaking out please somebody help me just say something ;(
I feel like an idiot I just want to act/feel/be NORMAL!! PLEASE HELP ;(
Please somebody just reply I'm liking breaking down and crying as I type this. Everytime I break down and have a panic attack like this I just want to talk to my dad about it I don't want to cry in front of anyone else I feel like an idiot, especially when I started crying in front of my boss the other day but I sucked it up pretty quick, thank god.
But I can't talk to my dad right now he's with his friend and I'm freaking out about work right now I feel so alone I don't know what to do ;(
I really think I need to quit this job but I can't tell my boss I'm quitting for some reason and if I do i feel like I couldn't put in my 2 weeks. I feel fully capable of working too I'm just so depressed and having this anxiety all the time I don't know what to do! I don't want to lose my job but I didn't have this anxiety before I started, just depression.
Maybe I need to quit the job and get into a re-hab and off the suboxone, that's what I've been really thinking. I'm freaking out and don't know what to do I CANNOT figure out what's causing this anxiety/depression and why I can't just work and have a life and be happy like everyone else ;(
Hello there, and welcome to the Anxiety Community! I'm glad you found your way here.
For one, congrats on your progress with the addiction! That's wonderful!
A few things I can suggest that will help you...and I have a few questions as well that will perhaps explain a little more about your situation.
Few questions first. How long have you been "clean"? How much Suboxone are you taking? And how long have you been taking it? How about your marijuana use? Have you looked for another job?
There are many things right off the top that I can identify that you could take steps toward changing that are probably triggering or exacerbating your anxiety. For one, and you may not want to hear this...but marijuana very commonly causes anxiety. Just do a search here on this forum and I think you'll be shocked at how many people experience nasty anxiety after smoking weed...even if they have been doing it for a long time. Alcohol is the same way...it triggers anxiety something fierce for a HUGE number of people. Plus, your marijuana use is only continuing your pattern of self medicating, which is most likely what you were doing with the opiates. Many anxiety sufferers get themselves into trouble and cause more anxiety by self medicating in one form or another. Sure, you may get some temporary relief, but at some point the anxiety is going to return, and usually it comes back worse and worse. I really think you should give some serious consideration to stopping the marijuana use. With a history of addiction and anxiety, it's not a good thing for you any way you look at it.
Secondly, you say you're getting your Subs from the street. It goes without saying that that is a HORRIBLE idea. You can find yourself in legal trouble, and since you've already obviously had some trouble with the law, I don't think you would want that. Also, for obvious reasons, you aren't being properly monitored by a doctor, which is how Sub therapy should happen. If you would happen to lose your source, you would have no way to safely taper off the subs, and withdrawals from that can be way worse than your original opiate w/d. I personally have no problem with Suboxone, but it needs to be done properly. There is also a potential to abuse the Sub as well with self medicating, which is another reason getting it from the street is a bad idea. I'd be willing to bet you probably aren't on a stable consistent dose because of how you are obtaining it. Also, are you getting any aftercare for your addiction? Going to NA? Therapy? That really is an essential part of the process, and having some type of aftercare in place is so important. Also, Suboxone CAN cause or worsen anxiety, especially if you are varying the dose and not taking a stable amount. Another good reason to do Sub the right way.
Now, next question...lol. What have you tried to help your anxiety? Have you tried any therapy? That would be an awesome place to start. You have quite a few issues you need to address, and a good therapist can address them all with you. For one, you need to start exploring your feelings about losing your Mom and how it has affected you (deeply obviously). You also need to address your feelings of insecurity, low self worth, and of course, the addction issues, which likely stem from the first couple problems. You need to try to find a therapist that will help you work through ALL of these issues together. Once you start fixing one problem, others will improve....as will the anxiety and depression You need to be completely honest with the therapist and put it all out on the table.
While your job sounds like it really stinks...I sincerely don't think the job is the problem. I think the stress from it is triggering more anxiety, but I feel that all of these underlying issues are the core problem. The job is just sending you over the edge. A therapist could also walk you through that....whether finding a new job is something you should do...or whether you want out for the wrong reasons. Again, it doesn't sounds like an easy job, but it IS a job you have that seems secure, and it wouldn't make a lot of sense to just jump the gun and quit. Not at least without exploring your options for a new job. You are right in asking your bosses for breaks...for one, they HAVE to provide you with the proper break times. You'd have to look up the laws for your state, but usually a person is required to have a 30 minute meal break after 4 hours, and 15 minute breaks for every "so many" hours worked. If they aren't providing that, make them aware of the laws.
As for finding a therapist, why does your Dad need to do that for you? Are you on his insurance? Even if you are, you should be able to pursue that on your own. If it is a financial issue, you need to get out there and start making phone calls to find resources that could help you. You can start with your yellow pages, online, calling around to different psychiatry offices. Bottom line is, at 21, you don't need your father to do these things for you. Take the initiative and get out there and try to find some help for yourself.
It really sounds like your mother passing at such an early age for you really emotionally scarred you (understandably), and a lot of what you're dealing with has been a snowball effect from that event on. Truly, therapy is going to be the best way to go. You recognize that you need help and you want relief, that's such an important first step! While looking for a therapist who can help you with everything you're dealing with, I think you need to do some tough thinking about the pot and the Sub. The weed is something you could commit to changing right away in order to help yourself. If you feel that Subs are the way for you to go, that's fine, but you need to do it legitimately, or you're putting yourself in a risky spot. The last thing you need is to add a legal mess on top of these other things. If you feel it is time to try and give it a go without the Subs, that's also great, but I would recommend trying to find a doc who can safely and properly taper you off after stabilizing your dose.
Please stick around and update us on how you're doing. Anxiety and depression go hand in hand for so many people, and it really is awful. We know how badly it feels, but with the right help, you can and WILL improve the quality of your life and start on the road to a much more prosperous and satisfying life.
Everything I've asked or suggested is my honest, straightforward opinion and meant to help you in the best way. Reading it, some of it sounds a little harsh, but it is not initended that way whatsoever. I am not judging you in any way...just being honest and trying to help.
Lastly, I'm sorry you lost your Mom at such a young age, I cannot imagine the heartbreak that would cause. Make a pact with yourself that things are only going to go UP from here. Take charge, get in control of your life and your destiny!
I read your post about a week ago but didn't get a chance to reply. I took acid for the first time about 2 months ago, and ever since I feel like I've been stuck in my head I zone out thinking about ****. I'm trying to be a happy normal person, that's the bottom line. I've learned I need to stop impressing people and do **** for myself. I've realized most of my problems are based on the opiate use.
I'm weening down on the suboxone but I almost feel like I can't quit completely on my own this time like I did before. People at work can tell I'm messed up and I try to be social but I feel like I can't be honest about anything and it all breaks down to the drug use. There really working with me at work because they see how hard I work for them, but they gave me 4 days off and I feel like if I'm not completely off the sub by than I might get drug tested and fired, because I told them I smoke weed but didn't mention the suboxone and I SHOULD HAVE. I need to stop lying to everyone
I'm just afraid of the withdrawals and I can't go into work feeling like ****. I feel like I might need rehab I don't know what to do because there's so much opportunity at this job I don't want to mess it up.
How has things been at work? It's been many months since this post but I hope the best for you. I also have been taking subs and smoke weed occasionally and experience anxiety/panic attacks once in awhile, except I am unemployed. If you ask me, I think that either you should take some time off from work/find a job that suits you more and doesn't cause you misery or perhaps maybe rehab/therapy might help you a lot to get the demons off your chest.