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Extreme health anxiety
Hello everyone
I will start by presenting myself,I am a 21 y.o guy who has been suffering from serious anxiety disorders(NOT only health anxiety) since I was like 10 y.o.
Right now I am dealing with the worst episode of anxiety so far.Everything started about 2 months ago when I suddenly started worrying about some minor headaches.Immediately after I started to pay attention to those headaches I became obsessed with the idea of a brain tumor.Of course I went to several neurologists which told me that there was no need for me doing a MRI or CT and that I was absolutely fine.The symptoms that I described were some stinges and aches in different areas of my head.While trying to diagnose myself from the internet I discovered a lot of other related symptoms (convulsions ,numbness in members,vision problems,hearing problems etc)While reading about these symptoms I was slowly getting the impression that I had them ( a cold shivering was a convulsion for me ,a numbness in my pain after sleeping on it was a disaster etc).During this period a friend's mother was discovered with a brain tumor so my anxiety got even higher.Finally my parents almost"forced"me to make a CT scan which showed nothing.I felt better a few days after but than I started to think that a CT isn't enough that I had to do an MRI too and i went back on the ideea of the brain tumor.
A week after the CT scan I heard a discussion about testicle cancer(I was always more sensible in my inguinal area and I always feared the ideea of testicle cancer).Probably you can imagine that almost instantly I started receiving different pains ,stinges and other sensations in that area.I went to the urologist which made a check on and also an ultrasound and he said I didn't have anything.The doctor's assurance didn't make me feel any better an right now I am still terrified by the ideea of having testicle cancer ,and I am still having different temporary pains ,stinges etc in that area(more in the inguinal area than in the testicles)
Finally 18 days ago I had unprotected oral sex with a guy(I forgot to mention that I am bisexual but I didn't have any other contact with guys except for the one being described) for about 10 seconds ,with NO ejaculation and as you probably imagine right now I am terrified by the ideea of having HIV.Even tough I was told by both users and doctors of this forum that I had no risk and there is no reason for testing I am now almost petrified by terror.I forgot to mention that 4-5 hours before having oral sex i brushed my teeth and I had some gum bleeding so this makes the thing worse.
So here I stand facing two serious ilnesses which I think that I have :testicle cancer and HIV.
I am on psychotherapy(cognitive behavioral) for only 1 month and it is going decent but dosen't help that much .
I am kindly and respectfully asking the members here to read my message if it dosen't kidnap them too much time.I would kindly ask for some advice on what else should I do or how to act because right know my life has practically stopped and I am unable to think further into the future,my only future is imagined in hospitals doing chemo or being treated for HIV
I will start by presenting myself,I am a 21 y.o guy who has been suffering from serious anxiety disorders(NOT only health anxiety) since I was like 10 y.o.
Right now I am dealing with the worst episode of anxiety so far.Everything started about 2 months ago when I suddenly started worrying about some minor headaches.Immediately after I started to pay attention to those headaches I became obsessed with the idea of a brain tumor.Of course I went to several neurologists which told me that there was no need for me doing a MRI or CT and that I was absolutely fine.The symptoms that I described were some stinges and aches in different areas of my head.While trying to diagnose myself from the internet I discovered a lot of other related symptoms (convulsions ,numbness in members,vision problems,hearing problems etc)While reading about these symptoms I was slowly getting the impression that I had them ( a cold shivering was a convulsion for me ,a numbness in my pain after sleeping on it was a disaster etc).During this period a friend's mother was discovered with a brain tumor so my anxiety got even higher.Finally my parents almost"forced"me to make a CT scan which showed nothing.I felt better a few days after but than I started to think that a CT isn't enough that I had to do an MRI too and i went back on the ideea of the brain tumor.
A week after the CT scan I heard a discussion about testicle cancer(I was always more sensible in my inguinal area and I always feared the ideea of testicle cancer).Probably you can imagine that almost instantly I started receiving different pains ,stinges and other sensations in that area.I went to the urologist which made a check on and also an ultrasound and he said I didn't have anything.The doctor's assurance didn't make me feel any better an right now I am still terrified by the ideea of having testicle cancer ,and I am still having different temporary pains ,stinges etc in that area(more in the inguinal area than in the testicles)
Finally 18 days ago I had unprotected oral sex with a guy(I forgot to mention that I am bisexual but I didn't have any other contact with guys except for the one being described) for about 10 seconds ,with NO ejaculation and as you probably imagine right now I am terrified by the ideea of having HIV.Even tough I was told by both users and doctors of this forum that I had no risk and there is no reason for testing I am now almost petrified by terror.I forgot to mention that 4-5 hours before having oral sex i brushed my teeth and I had some gum bleeding so this makes the thing worse.
So here I stand facing two serious ilnesses which I think that I have :testicle cancer and HIV.
I am on psychotherapy(cognitive behavioral) for only 1 month and it is going decent but dosen't help that much .
I am kindly and respectfully asking the members here to read my message if it dosen't kidnap them too much time.I would kindly ask for some advice on what else should I do or how to act because right know my life has practically stopped and I am unable to think further into the future,my only future is imagined in hospitals doing chemo or being treated for HIV
You've already accepted that you suffer with anxiety. Now you have to coach yourself whenever you are having these thoughts and worries (health anxieties, fear of something awful happening to family etc) that these are just thoughts. You are prone to these thoughts and you need to learn how to look "at" these thoughts and not "from" them. Remind yourself that the only thing that is true is that you are having a thought about HIV or cancer...you don't have either of these diseases.
You also need to learn to trust health professionals when they give you a clean bill of health. They've gone to a dozen or so years of medical school, treated hundreds or thousands of patients, and have the latest and greatest technology at their fingertips. Don't allow your fears to convince you that you know more than them. Your anxiety is so strong you are convinced that your fear speaks more truth than a physician. If you were listening to someone else tell you the exact same worries that you have, you'd be able to look at things from a more logical perspective. Would you tell someone else that they should still worry if even a neurologist told them they are perfectly healthy? Or would you try to convince them that their worries are all in their head?
Remember, don't look at these health concerns or other anxieties FROM your thoughts. Take a loot AT them, and remind yourself they are only thoughts and that sometimes the anxiety is going to be along for the ride, but don't empower it and allow it to consume you.
You also need to learn to trust health professionals when they give you a clean bill of health. They've gone to a dozen or so years of medical school, treated hundreds or thousands of patients, and have the latest and greatest technology at their fingertips. Don't allow your fears to convince you that you know more than them. Your anxiety is so strong you are convinced that your fear speaks more truth than a physician. If you were listening to someone else tell you the exact same worries that you have, you'd be able to look at things from a more logical perspective. Would you tell someone else that they should still worry if even a neurologist told them they are perfectly healthy? Or would you try to convince them that their worries are all in their head?
Remember, don't look at these health concerns or other anxieties FROM your thoughts. Take a loot AT them, and remind yourself they are only thoughts and that sometimes the anxiety is going to be along for the ride, but don't empower it and allow it to consume you.
Hello again
It's been several days since my las post and I managed to calm down a bit in what's concerning the HIV issue.
The problem is that right now my other problem -the imaginative testicular cancer keeps annoying me.
After a short period in which I didn't feel anything related to my testicles I started to notice again dull pain in my groin and lower abs (temporary pain) so here I am asking myself if I have this disease.Right now I would go to a doctor but my therapist told me that under no circumstance I should do that cause i've seen already too many of them.
Basically what might help me now is a person that has some similar problems(discomfort and dull pain in the genital area) .I've been searching and I found some persons that complain about the same thing but I keep distrusting anything as I usually do .
So right now I am writing simply because I need to keep myself concentrated on something else (writing in english is keeping me focused as I am not a native speaker ,nor a resident of an english speaking country this is why I also apologise for my mistakes )
It's been several days since my las post and I managed to calm down a bit in what's concerning the HIV issue.
The problem is that right now my other problem -the imaginative testicular cancer keeps annoying me.
After a short period in which I didn't feel anything related to my testicles I started to notice again dull pain in my groin and lower abs (temporary pain) so here I am asking myself if I have this disease.Right now I would go to a doctor but my therapist told me that under no circumstance I should do that cause i've seen already too many of them.
Basically what might help me now is a person that has some similar problems(discomfort and dull pain in the genital area) .I've been searching and I found some persons that complain about the same thing but I keep distrusting anything as I usually do .
So right now I am writing simply because I need to keep myself concentrated on something else (writing in english is keeping me focused as I am not a native speaker ,nor a resident of an english speaking country this is why I also apologise for my mistakes )
God I don't know the answer to that ending question for me. The poster above has his sunset beach with waves breaking, others have theirs. For me it's also been really hard to control the crazy moments. Your descriptions sounds somewhat more intense that mine but not so much more I can't relate immensely. Learning the art of deep breathing and keeping alive the memory that this panic moment always passes and I'm always fine on the other side helps a lot. It ***** to have to ride the wave but it does crash (well, I guess the crashing would be the panic attack in this picture) but it does wash upon the shore and leave you safe and sound on the beach where hopefully a sunset is peacefully occurring.
You, and we all with anxiety type issues, have this incredible challenge to fight off or deflect our brains. Most people would say, I have HIV or testicular cancer and then immediately dismiss it as nonsense. Not you, and not me with my particular version.
In college I volunteered for a biofeedback demonstration. A monitor was placed on my fingertip and slowly beeped. I was asked to start thinking about the thoughts that disturb me and check this out: the monitor instantly, and I mean instantly began beeping like crazy, like a heart about to blow. It was pretty weird. My body responded instantly to the the stress. That's how powerful stress is.
My question for you is, do you know deep down that you don't actually have cancer or HIV or anything like that even though it feels like you do because your brain is looping through those thoughts? To me it sounds like you have OCD actually with intense fear being created at the thoughts you are having and cannot control. I'm not telling you what to do, but studies have shown that the right doses of the correct medicine can give you your life back. If you have the option, perhaps check it out. It might just save you and if it's not cool you can always back off and know it wasn't for you.
Good luck. I know you can do it.
You, and we all with anxiety type issues, have this incredible challenge to fight off or deflect our brains. Most people would say, I have HIV or testicular cancer and then immediately dismiss it as nonsense. Not you, and not me with my particular version.
In college I volunteered for a biofeedback demonstration. A monitor was placed on my fingertip and slowly beeped. I was asked to start thinking about the thoughts that disturb me and check this out: the monitor instantly, and I mean instantly began beeping like crazy, like a heart about to blow. It was pretty weird. My body responded instantly to the the stress. That's how powerful stress is.
My question for you is, do you know deep down that you don't actually have cancer or HIV or anything like that even though it feels like you do because your brain is looping through those thoughts? To me it sounds like you have OCD actually with intense fear being created at the thoughts you are having and cannot control. I'm not telling you what to do, but studies have shown that the right doses of the correct medicine can give you your life back. If you have the option, perhaps check it out. It might just save you and if it's not cool you can always back off and know it wasn't for you.
Good luck. I know you can do it.
You don't have to apologize ,I am aware that the cure for m problem is in me but practically when the fear comes I become mentally paralize.I was given the advice to try and do some sport activity during my panic moments ,but I simply can't get on my feet because my mind goes crazy making all sorts of scenario(ex: OMG i have HIV ,i am doomed ,i will die in a terrible way with lots of pain etc ).
What is worse is that i have a permanent fear that I suffer from a serious disease and I worry permanently about that.This permanent fear transforms in several moments of a day into a terrible panic ( sometimes even 3 4 times a day )
The kind of therapy that I am on (cognitive behavioral) tries to put me face to face with my worse fears.Basically hat I have to do is "capture"my fears in their "virgin" stage(meaning the first fear that goes through my mind without it being modified by me ) and to give arguments pro and against that fear.I t is a bit hard for me to do it because i con't find rational arguments every time and even hen I find them it only reduces the fear a with a small amount
What I was asking here as what activity or occupation or distraction did you use to do during your worst moments in order to reduce a bit the fear?
What is worse is that i have a permanent fear that I suffer from a serious disease and I worry permanently about that.This permanent fear transforms in several moments of a day into a terrible panic ( sometimes even 3 4 times a day )
The kind of therapy that I am on (cognitive behavioral) tries to put me face to face with my worse fears.Basically hat I have to do is "capture"my fears in their "virgin" stage(meaning the first fear that goes through my mind without it being modified by me ) and to give arguments pro and against that fear.I t is a bit hard for me to do it because i con't find rational arguments every time and even hen I find them it only reduces the fear a with a small amount
What I was asking here as what activity or occupation or distraction did you use to do during your worst moments in order to reduce a bit the fear?
I used to have that problem where I'd think I had a million things wrong with me. But, I got to the point where I would coach myself in thought. I would say things like, "This is just my anxiety talking and if there were really something wrong with me, I would know for sure," I would think I'd have a brain tumour or think I'm going completely insane. But, you have to remember that the brain can do many things to you that will make you think you have the worst things happening to you. Sometimes when my depersonalization kicks in badly, that's where it's really hard to fight off that lingering thought of going crazy and not "feeling real". But, I always tell myself that it's just my anxiety and nothing is going wrong with me. Try and visualize a happy place when you get terrible feelings, it always helps me. My happy place is a sunset at an isolated beach with the sound of waves breaking.
Hey man, sorry if my posts sounded a bit "ouch". I really am only trying to pep talk you into some serious work on the problem. Unfortunately that's what it takes with anxiety and OCD and that kind of stuff. I should know. I've got it pretty bad myself. I also know it's not easy fighting off the brain, especially during "flare-ups".
I guess what I'm curious to know is, as mindy1977 said and I'm not so sure, is this. She says you know you have issues. I won't disagree with that. But what I saw that in my opinion is an area for growth is the references you made to not believing the doctors and all the tests that are run on you that show without a doubt that you are okay. That's the rub with anxiety and OCD is that we know we have a problem but knowing it doesn't make it go away. If you know you have a problem yet refuse to believe the proof, then that is a great place to begin when attempting to sort all this out and work through it. For me, I have this strange HOCD thing that started when my dad died and I had GAD already. I had all these strange thoughts that I knew weren't real and definitely weren't the real me, yet I had a really hard time distinguishing them as such and was in anguish for years knowing they weren't real but having them feel so real. It was a major turning point for me when I final took stock of the facts and was able to say "It's not me, it's my OCD". Being able to separate the thoughts you are having from your belief that they are true is a must and a great opportunity for work and forward movement.
Anyway, I didn't mean to get all crazy and tough on you. I don't think my posts really reflected that tone but if you read them that way then apologies.
I guess what I'm curious to know is, as mindy1977 said and I'm not so sure, is this. She says you know you have issues. I won't disagree with that. But what I saw that in my opinion is an area for growth is the references you made to not believing the doctors and all the tests that are run on you that show without a doubt that you are okay. That's the rub with anxiety and OCD is that we know we have a problem but knowing it doesn't make it go away. If you know you have a problem yet refuse to believe the proof, then that is a great place to begin when attempting to sort all this out and work through it. For me, I have this strange HOCD thing that started when my dad died and I had GAD already. I had all these strange thoughts that I knew weren't real and definitely weren't the real me, yet I had a really hard time distinguishing them as such and was in anguish for years knowing they weren't real but having them feel so real. It was a major turning point for me when I final took stock of the facts and was able to say "It's not me, it's my OCD". Being able to separate the thoughts you are having from your belief that they are true is a must and a great opportunity for work and forward movement.
Anyway, I didn't mean to get all crazy and tough on you. I don't think my posts really reflected that tone but if you read them that way then apologies.
I would like to comment on that last post. No offense to the poster, but "ouch". Seriously, the guy knows that he has issues you don't have to be so harsh, unless you're trying some "tough love" thing. Fear, paranoia, anxiety are all real things and wannabeuss you really need some intensive therapy. I used to have thoughts that people were going to get hurt/die and they would come at random. Most of them were about people I knew but some were about people I would see on the street. It is good that you trust your psychotherapist, that is so important. As far as your inability to keep yourself from checking symptoms on the internet, you need to do the best you can and make sure that your therapist knows exactly how much of a problem it is for you. The previous poster is right in the fact that your fears have all been unproven, but I understand that them being unproven doesn't make it any easier for you to quit having them or for you to reason them away. When you have these thoughts (either about your health, or about tragic accidents, etc.) see if there is a way that your therapist will allow you to contact him and kind of talk you through it. I used to have to look at my body, make sure all its parts were still there, make a list of all my family and friends and tell myself that I would have gotten a call if anything had happened to any of them and I went to A LOT of therapy. It also took me a few therapists before I found the one that was really right for me (I needed to not only be able to trust, but be really comfortable there). You will make it through this. I know that seems impossible now, but it will happen. Have you ever heard of or taken seroquel? It's actually a med for antipsychotics, but it has a real calming effect when taken in small doses when your nerves and your brain are haywire.
It has been established now that everything you fear is wrong in reality and only a figment of your overblown OCD anxiety (not a medical diagnosis, just a loosely used term). As far as this post goes, the ins and outs of the ways your anxieties manifest is pointless from here on out. You no longer give stock to the specifics of these fears because you know that they are not true even if you have a hard time actually feeling it. Name one time when you proved to be right about one of these fears? Your mission is to say to yourself, well, here we go again, I'm inflating something I read or heard into a catostrophic doomsday panic episode like I always do. I know this isn't real. It's just the way my brain does it. It's not true and any symptoms I feel are not real but are being created by my mind in it's desperate need to fulfill this behavior. After all, why on earth would you think you had testicular cancer if your balls never hurt?
You have an over metabolizing or under metabolizing portion of your brain that is not turning off or cannot be shown to be irrational by parts of the brain like for those who don't suffer from this. You need to recognize that. If you do it'll take some of the load off. It won't cure you of course but will help you in your journey to living a second thought pattern along with the fearful one where you recognize that what you are fearing isn't actually real even though you can't dismiss it.
You will have many setbacks on your road my friend. We all do. Sometimes it's like a certain amount of steps forward and then a certain amount back. The actual amount of steps in either direction will vary. But if you stay true to the desire to heal and beat this you will get better and better at it.
Don't believe the hype and don't allow yourself to think that you are right and the doctors are wrong or anyone who posts here to help you. In my opinion, this is a crucial step.
Cheers
You have an over metabolizing or under metabolizing portion of your brain that is not turning off or cannot be shown to be irrational by parts of the brain like for those who don't suffer from this. You need to recognize that. If you do it'll take some of the load off. It won't cure you of course but will help you in your journey to living a second thought pattern along with the fearful one where you recognize that what you are fearing isn't actually real even though you can't dismiss it.
You will have many setbacks on your road my friend. We all do. Sometimes it's like a certain amount of steps forward and then a certain amount back. The actual amount of steps in either direction will vary. But if you stay true to the desire to heal and beat this you will get better and better at it.
Don't believe the hype and don't allow yourself to think that you are right and the doctors are wrong or anyone who posts here to help you. In my opinion, this is a crucial step.
Cheers
To be more clear I also visited a lot of psychiatrists which prescribed several drugs which I didn't take because of their side effects(As mindy 1977 says they were giving side effects which were similar to those that created panic)
Well of course I have simptoms and very annoying and worrying ones like headaches weakly,trembling different pains and stinges in those areas of my body that I fear of being ill like inguinal and testicle area.No longer than this morning I was dreaming that I had a pain in my inguinal area and I woke up with such a pain which lasted a few minutes but scared me off like hell and I went straight into a panic attack.
I distrust every doctor and every advice coming from my parents or friends because I always say that they don't understand me.
As I previously said not all my anxiety related episodes were related to health ,I also feared that my parents and loved ones will die in a tragic accident and I was scared every time they left home ,or I had anxiety related to gas explosions because in the country where I live most of the buildings are heated on natural gas.I also had school related anxiety and several other health related episodes (skin cancer,heart diseases,again HIV-when I was about 12 13 y.o ,stomach cancer etc)
Concerning my psychotherapy,well I can't say that I am friends with a person I have been knowing for 1 month but I trust the guy and I try to follow his advice.He absolutely prohibited me from seeing other doctors as to check my symptoms and also to read on the internet about them(which I find impossible to do )
However I have day like this one which are so bad ,in which far gets to such high levels and in which I feel completely helpless.
Well of course I have simptoms and very annoying and worrying ones like headaches weakly,trembling different pains and stinges in those areas of my body that I fear of being ill like inguinal and testicle area.No longer than this morning I was dreaming that I had a pain in my inguinal area and I woke up with such a pain which lasted a few minutes but scared me off like hell and I went straight into a panic attack.
I distrust every doctor and every advice coming from my parents or friends because I always say that they don't understand me.
As I previously said not all my anxiety related episodes were related to health ,I also feared that my parents and loved ones will die in a tragic accident and I was scared every time they left home ,or I had anxiety related to gas explosions because in the country where I live most of the buildings are heated on natural gas.I also had school related anxiety and several other health related episodes (skin cancer,heart diseases,again HIV-when I was about 12 13 y.o ,stomach cancer etc)
Concerning my psychotherapy,well I can't say that I am friends with a person I have been knowing for 1 month but I trust the guy and I try to follow his advice.He absolutely prohibited me from seeing other doctors as to check my symptoms and also to read on the internet about them(which I find impossible to do )
However I have day like this one which are so bad ,in which far gets to such high levels and in which I feel completely helpless.
I'm not in your exact situation (as I'm sure nobody really can be) but I've been 'sick' for more than two years and the doctors are unable to find a diagnosis. Since I became sick I've had to surrender my driver's license, I now use either a cane or a walker (depending on how bad the pain is and how bad my balance is that day) and I take a whole list of medication. I am also in psychotherapy. I had to give up the computer in terms of using it to trying to find a diagnosis because it did to me what it is doing to you. It led to panic and worry and feeling like death was basically what I had. The only thing I research online now is medications. I WILL NOT take any medications from ANY of my doctors without looking up side effects and whenever possible (like on drugs.com) user reviews. I've found that they've prescribed a lot of medications that cause the same side effects as the symptoms I am already having and they've prescribed medications that are not to be taken with some of the medical conditions that I already have. My best advice (for what it's worth) is to find a psychotherapist that you feel really comfortable with (who is like a "friend" than a professional if that makes sense) and to take each day as it comes. Even if you had every bad thing wrong with you (which you don't, you didn't even describe all of them; that's my demented way of trying to make you feel a little bit better) you would still want to make the most of what time you have left. There are some good medication available to help with things like this, but sometimes talking about it is the best medication. I spent awhile on meds for depression and anxiety and my psychotherapy didn't really begin to move forward until I got off them. But if you stop taking ANY medication, make sure you talk to someone first and ween off it, never just stop. It's a scary world we live in and there is defiantly so many diseases and such, but if you keep up with your psychotherapy and you find a good doctor (one you feel comfortable with) you will be okay. They know the tests to run and what to look for. Your anxiety isn't going to go away overnight, but you'll be able to get control of it and get control of your life back. And if you ever need anyone to listen, I will. Good luck and don't give up. Life is what we make of it.
I guess there might be two ways to go about doing this, three if you count the usual mixing of the two ways. Apparently medication along with therapy is the best recommendation. That is what I would suggest since you are admittedly pretty bad right now.
First of all, it might not be possible and I can attest to how hard it is having GAD myself, but you are giving into the fears like a little kid. You have to man up and talk yourself down. By your own admission, one doesn't even need to look at scientific studies here, you attest to suddenly feeling symptoms in areas where no symptoms were ever present just by being alerted to a new possible health threat. You must connect those two together and see that you are doing this to yourself. You cannot spin it any other way and you know I'm right. You are making this all up in your head. That is a great starting point for you. It's not real, it's simply the over-reacting part of your brain that leads you down this limiting path. I know it's not a switch you can simply turn off, but it sounds like you are wallowing around in it and playing/feeling the victim here which only exacerbates the problem. You have to man up and decide to not let it get to you like it has. I won't work perfectly but it is a start. Medication will help drastically with this, too, once you find the right one and dose and you might find it the very first try.
I know what I'm talking about, I have lived with an incredible pain in my chest under my heart for six years now that limits my breathing and I am convinced (at different times and mostly in the past) that it's a tumor or emphezema (sp?) and have had numerous x-rays and spirometry and blood tests to check. Not only that, I've been to the STD doctor more times than you've probably had sex for fears that I invented with episodes I've had. The ins and outs of my story is irrelevant, as are yours, the fact is that I at some point had to say, look, there is nothing wrong with me. My brain must be creating these sensations and there are medical studies that show that we do this to ourselves. I started living my life through the "symptoms" and telling myself all is well and it's gonna be alright. Slowly my breathing has gotten better and I feel much less anxious about things. I'm not on meds though. But I think you should try them as you are severely limited right now in your life enjoyment. YOu owe it to yourself, if only in the name of science (like an experiment just so you can say you've been there and tried it), to try meds because if it works for you your anguish will be drastically reduced.
If you want to read a good book about neuroplasticity, read "The Mind and the Brain" by something Schwartz. I think it's spelled Schwartz but the title is correct. It's concerning OCD research and it's really really good. The only truly relevant portion is at the end where he sums up what he's learned about the brain and how to retrain, actually reform it, through directed mental effort applied diligently over time. It's daunting but doable and you are doing the right thing with therapy. One month is only the starting blocks bro. It's like wearing head gear with braces. You gotta wear that shite for a long time before you get to take it off but the more you wear it the faster it comes off. You could theoretically devote 16 hours a day to making yourself think in new ways and not give into the fear, but even then it's a tough long journey. Don't be afraid of the road. As someone really awesome once wrote in a song: Just being on the road means you're there (the destination) in many ways. You can do this. Just jump in with both feet and face it down. It's like meditating. At first you suck really bad at mediation and it feels like it's impossible to become a yogi. But every so often you notice you're getting deeper into it and you're brain is getting better at it. It will be the same with your anxiety.
It does come down to some decisions. This is going to be a fight no two ways around it. Decide to fight. Decide to take a time out in life if that's what you gotta do to face it as hard as possible. Choose to counter the thoughts and the fears that lead you to become so convinced of things that are never true, reread that, in fact I'll reprint it in caps: THINGS THAT ARE NEVER TRUE!!!! You are doing this to yourself, and I know you don't mean to do it, but only you can stop it (perhaps along with meds though). Stop feeling the victim if that applies, don't coddle yourself. Get out there and tackle this! It's the only way. By taking responsibility and action you will at the very least feel good about being proactive, you'll be proud of yourself, and you'll learn a heck of a lot about life, living, and who you are deep down behind this problem.
Good luck. You can do it.
First of all, it might not be possible and I can attest to how hard it is having GAD myself, but you are giving into the fears like a little kid. You have to man up and talk yourself down. By your own admission, one doesn't even need to look at scientific studies here, you attest to suddenly feeling symptoms in areas where no symptoms were ever present just by being alerted to a new possible health threat. You must connect those two together and see that you are doing this to yourself. You cannot spin it any other way and you know I'm right. You are making this all up in your head. That is a great starting point for you. It's not real, it's simply the over-reacting part of your brain that leads you down this limiting path. I know it's not a switch you can simply turn off, but it sounds like you are wallowing around in it and playing/feeling the victim here which only exacerbates the problem. You have to man up and decide to not let it get to you like it has. I won't work perfectly but it is a start. Medication will help drastically with this, too, once you find the right one and dose and you might find it the very first try.
I know what I'm talking about, I have lived with an incredible pain in my chest under my heart for six years now that limits my breathing and I am convinced (at different times and mostly in the past) that it's a tumor or emphezema (sp?) and have had numerous x-rays and spirometry and blood tests to check. Not only that, I've been to the STD doctor more times than you've probably had sex for fears that I invented with episodes I've had. The ins and outs of my story is irrelevant, as are yours, the fact is that I at some point had to say, look, there is nothing wrong with me. My brain must be creating these sensations and there are medical studies that show that we do this to ourselves. I started living my life through the "symptoms" and telling myself all is well and it's gonna be alright. Slowly my breathing has gotten better and I feel much less anxious about things. I'm not on meds though. But I think you should try them as you are severely limited right now in your life enjoyment. YOu owe it to yourself, if only in the name of science (like an experiment just so you can say you've been there and tried it), to try meds because if it works for you your anguish will be drastically reduced.
If you want to read a good book about neuroplasticity, read "The Mind and the Brain" by something Schwartz. I think it's spelled Schwartz but the title is correct. It's concerning OCD research and it's really really good. The only truly relevant portion is at the end where he sums up what he's learned about the brain and how to retrain, actually reform it, through directed mental effort applied diligently over time. It's daunting but doable and you are doing the right thing with therapy. One month is only the starting blocks bro. It's like wearing head gear with braces. You gotta wear that shite for a long time before you get to take it off but the more you wear it the faster it comes off. You could theoretically devote 16 hours a day to making yourself think in new ways and not give into the fear, but even then it's a tough long journey. Don't be afraid of the road. As someone really awesome once wrote in a song: Just being on the road means you're there (the destination) in many ways. You can do this. Just jump in with both feet and face it down. It's like meditating. At first you suck really bad at mediation and it feels like it's impossible to become a yogi. But every so often you notice you're getting deeper into it and you're brain is getting better at it. It will be the same with your anxiety.
It does come down to some decisions. This is going to be a fight no two ways around it. Decide to fight. Decide to take a time out in life if that's what you gotta do to face it as hard as possible. Choose to counter the thoughts and the fears that lead you to become so convinced of things that are never true, reread that, in fact I'll reprint it in caps: THINGS THAT ARE NEVER TRUE!!!! You are doing this to yourself, and I know you don't mean to do it, but only you can stop it (perhaps along with meds though). Stop feeling the victim if that applies, don't coddle yourself. Get out there and tackle this! It's the only way. By taking responsibility and action you will at the very least feel good about being proactive, you'll be proud of yourself, and you'll learn a heck of a lot about life, living, and who you are deep down behind this problem.
Good luck. You can do it.
I think that you are doing the right thing in my opinion. Talk therapy helped me the most to get through my health anxiety, but it was very slow going at first. I think the best piece of advice I can give you is to have patience with the process....I know patience is the last thing on your mind right now, but 1 month is not that long to be in counseling in my opinion...as long as you are comfortable with him/her, I would stick with it.
I was the same way with anxiety. At first I was concerned about my heart health, then it was something else, then another concern came along and it was a never ending cycle. I went on Zoloft and sought counseling. The counseling did two things for me. One, it gave me the knowledge to confront it (although, as I said earlier, it is a long and tedious process at first and I was not convinced talking it through was helping me) and two, it opened my eyes to how many people actually have gone through what I was going through.
Fear is hard to conquer in my opinion, but you sound like you recognize that you have anxiety, which is HUGE in my opinion. It took me months just to accept the fact that my problems could possibly be anxiety and you are already there, so build on that....keep us posted!
I was the same way with anxiety. At first I was concerned about my heart health, then it was something else, then another concern came along and it was a never ending cycle. I went on Zoloft and sought counseling. The counseling did two things for me. One, it gave me the knowledge to confront it (although, as I said earlier, it is a long and tedious process at first and I was not convinced talking it through was helping me) and two, it opened my eyes to how many people actually have gone through what I was going through.
Fear is hard to conquer in my opinion, but you sound like you recognize that you have anxiety, which is HUGE in my opinion. It took me months just to accept the fact that my problems could possibly be anxiety and you are already there, so build on that....keep us posted!
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