Aa
Do I have Anxiety/OCD?
So i've always been a worrier and had anxious tendencies. For example, I got braces when I was 15/16 and spent a year and a half thinking my teeth were going to fall out when they removed the braces.
In January of 2016, at 20 years old, I had an unprotected one night stand and it triggered some of the worst anxiety I've ever had. I convinced myself I was pregnant, that I had chlamydia and at the very worst I was sure I had HIV because I had some symptoms including itchiness on my private parts, the frequent urge to pee and skin peeling on the inner lips of my mouth. Eventually I went to get checked and the doctor didn't offer me a blood test, told me my symptoms were very common with most STI's and gave me preventative antibiotics for chlamydia and I never got my test results back after that. Nor did I tell him my HIV fears or my extreme anxiety levels.
This lasted from January until May.
In early June my mum started suffering from abdominal pain and I instantly started planning her funeral. It was ridiculous, she went to the doctors who told her it was most likely gall stones and they would send her for tests to make sure but she wasn't a high priority case. After spending the summer months crying and obsessing, thinking my mum had stomach cancer, she was finally diagnosed with gall stones in September.
I spent one week following her proper diagnoses being calm and happy until I woke up one day and was sure I had gum disease and my hair was falling out.
I then came across a documentary about HIV and now once again I'm convinced I have it on top of thinking I'm going bald and losing my teeth.
My finger just started twitching whilst I've been doing work on my laptop so I googled and now think I have a brain tumor or early onset parkinsons. Maybe even too much B12 thats causing nerve damage.
I know its utterly ridiculous and know that my chances of catching HIV off of my one and only penetrative sexual partner in one encounter are small and that I probably don't have a brain tumor and my hair is probably not falling out and if it is its because I'm stressed. I know it is so stupid and I am so mad at myself for feeling like this constantly.
The OCD part of my questions comes from my complete and utter obsession with whatever I think is wrong with me. I bought 5 pregnancy tests, even after having a period. I imagined i could feel a heart beat in my stomach and how I was going to have to tell my parents. I've also done this with HIV and have decided if I have it there is no way I can tell my family.
I went to see my GP about a week ago to talk about my anxiety and she told me to go on two fast paced walks a day and to attend a set of lectures about stress management. Unfortunately they collide with my university schedule so I cant attend them.
I'm planning on going back to get a full sexual health screening just to really face my fears and put this terrible year behind me.
Would it also be useful to me to go back to the doctors and once again discuss my anxiety? I would love to take part in CBT if its an option but we're about to break up for Christmas and I will be back with my parents for a month.
I know this is a really long post but I just really needed to write everything out and be a little bit comforted by other people.
In January of 2016, at 20 years old, I had an unprotected one night stand and it triggered some of the worst anxiety I've ever had. I convinced myself I was pregnant, that I had chlamydia and at the very worst I was sure I had HIV because I had some symptoms including itchiness on my private parts, the frequent urge to pee and skin peeling on the inner lips of my mouth. Eventually I went to get checked and the doctor didn't offer me a blood test, told me my symptoms were very common with most STI's and gave me preventative antibiotics for chlamydia and I never got my test results back after that. Nor did I tell him my HIV fears or my extreme anxiety levels.
This lasted from January until May.
In early June my mum started suffering from abdominal pain and I instantly started planning her funeral. It was ridiculous, she went to the doctors who told her it was most likely gall stones and they would send her for tests to make sure but she wasn't a high priority case. After spending the summer months crying and obsessing, thinking my mum had stomach cancer, she was finally diagnosed with gall stones in September.
I spent one week following her proper diagnoses being calm and happy until I woke up one day and was sure I had gum disease and my hair was falling out.
I then came across a documentary about HIV and now once again I'm convinced I have it on top of thinking I'm going bald and losing my teeth.
My finger just started twitching whilst I've been doing work on my laptop so I googled and now think I have a brain tumor or early onset parkinsons. Maybe even too much B12 thats causing nerve damage.
I know its utterly ridiculous and know that my chances of catching HIV off of my one and only penetrative sexual partner in one encounter are small and that I probably don't have a brain tumor and my hair is probably not falling out and if it is its because I'm stressed. I know it is so stupid and I am so mad at myself for feeling like this constantly.
The OCD part of my questions comes from my complete and utter obsession with whatever I think is wrong with me. I bought 5 pregnancy tests, even after having a period. I imagined i could feel a heart beat in my stomach and how I was going to have to tell my parents. I've also done this with HIV and have decided if I have it there is no way I can tell my family.
I went to see my GP about a week ago to talk about my anxiety and she told me to go on two fast paced walks a day and to attend a set of lectures about stress management. Unfortunately they collide with my university schedule so I cant attend them.
I'm planning on going back to get a full sexual health screening just to really face my fears and put this terrible year behind me.
Would it also be useful to me to go back to the doctors and once again discuss my anxiety? I would love to take part in CBT if its an option but we're about to break up for Christmas and I will be back with my parents for a month.
I know this is a really long post but I just really needed to write everything out and be a little bit comforted by other people.
Ditto that -- yes, get therapy when you get back. You don't have OCD, you have anxiety -- all anxious and depressed people have obsessive thoughts. That isn't OCD. And don't worry over labels, stay off Google looking for a match for your symptoms, and go easier on yourself. Think about learning to meditate. Good luck with the CBT.
1 Comments
Thankyou very much, your advise has been helpful. I will definitely seek out a therapist as soon as I can.
You decide you or others like your mom have diseases and can't let go, even though you say it doesn't make sense.
Have you ever had therapy for this? One on one will allow a professional to try to figure why you do this and find ways to stop or at least manage them better.
Have you ever had therapy for this? One on one will allow a professional to try to figure why you do this and find ways to stop or at least manage them better.
1 Comments
Thankyou for replying! I will definitely seem out therapy in the new year
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