Do I have anxiety?

[hobgob766]

For a while now I have had issues with headaches, low self esteem, mild to severe emotional/mental meltdowns, over exaggerated stress on small issues and way more. Recently I have had at least 1 episode of sleep paralysis a month and have developed a fear of lucid dreaming and dreaming in general. Emotional I tend to be agitated and have general sadness, with a week of seasonal depression last year, and generally questions about my emotional stance. I haven't had and past traumas too traumatic only a few instance where my siblings have called me names for being fat in comparison to them and someone said it anonymously online. What has caused this question is my recent uptake in paranoia, when I hear something at night I freak out and tremble while breathing fast and heavily, this has happened a few times in the past month. When this happens I always feel like someone or something wants to kill me. For the past year I have taken online quizzes and such however feel too scared to mention anything to my parents about questions for a therapist (I'm 14), however my mom did make a suggestion about a therapist when my mental breakdowns became very intense and she has seen them. In fear of being dramatic and faking a mental illness (which I don't understand why I feel like I'm faking it when I cant control my paranoia and mental breakdowns) I have tried having them in my room when my parents are asleep, and lets be honest the only way to control that is to try postponing the cause. Some cause of my mental breakdowns are stress from school, pressure to be good enough, small comments I over think (like I should work on passing in soccer, or I talk too much), and especially what people say think or look at me like. I know this mental state isn't healthy but my mind makes me think getting help is wrong and that I'm being dramatic, or people have it worse, and even that its my fault. I just really need a second opinion and fear telling my friends since I constantly use self deciprocating humor and they are having rough times at home.

[hobgob766]

I also want to ask if I have had a panic attack. I have a huge issue with vomit, I cannot be near it and I am constantly terrified by it. I once though my sister had puked on me when she really spit out soda, only a few drops had gotten on me. I then proceeded to scream and get in the shower, for 30 minutes I scrubbed by arm while hysterically screaming and sobbing until I felt it was off. I felt shaky and just generally horrified until my sister told me it was just her spit however I was still very shaky. This was when my mental state started to really concern, leading to now about a week later me posting this question.

[Paxiled]

Not sure why you wouldn't be eager to see a therapist.  It would give you someone not close to you to talk to who is a professional and can offer some insight and help.  As to the label of what you have, while it sounds like depression started first and now it's shifting to also be an anxiety problem, a professional will be better able to help with this than us.  I would see a psychologist, not someone like a licensed social worker.  Given that you're 14, an age when many people have a hard time with life as it gets more complicated, this could have a cause you can deal with.  A  professional will be better able than you hiding in your room or your parents to try to figure this out, because a lot of times depression and anxiety have no known cause and just spring up.  But they do usually tend to spring up at an older age than what you are -- the problems of youth aren't necessarily the problems of adults we label as depression and anxiety; often they're difficulties coping with growing up, hormones, childhood insecurities that weren't ever dealt with, and such.  I do encourage you to see a psychologist before this gets more out of hand.  And don't hide -- avoidance just makes this stuff worse.  You're young and resilient -- don't let adult labels predetermine this for you just yet.  Good luck.  By the way, lots of people can't stand the sight of vomit -- my Dad, one of the least psychologically ill people I've known, would vomit at the sight of vomit!