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Avatar universal

Does this sound like HOCD or no?

Hello, I am a 17 year old male and I think I may be suffering with HOCD, I’m not 100% positive though. When I was about 9 years old, my dad’s ex’s son (who is the same age as I am) starting wanting to do “inappropriate” activity with me, and being that I was so young I just went along with it. This would happen a few times per time I was at that house (I went between going to my mom’s and dad’s) and this didn’t stop until I was about 13,  I didn’t see my dad for about a year and when I did start seeing him again he had his own place and had broken up with his ex. When I was 16, I fell in love with this girl, but we were only together for a almost three months because of distance, her stressing me out, and problems we were having. See, at the height of the problems started, she wouldn’t want to sext me anymore and that really hit me by screwing up my confidence, raising my anxiety levels, and making me depressed. I broke up with this girl in February and ever since then I haven’t really been the same. I used to be such a love-a-holic so to speak, and since then I haven’t really been able to consistently find girls attractive and fall in love with one. Then, in about August-September time, I was in bed, thinking about girls and why I can’t seem to love like I used to then… BAM! I started thinking about the incidents that took place at my dad’s when I was little. I instantly curled up in a ball and started telling myself “NO! NO! NO! Ever since then I can’t do anything (go out in public, go to school, watch TV, go on my social media) without having these gay thoughts. All these thoughts have just made me so confused, irritable, stressed, forgetful (memory), sleepless or fatigued, and has just amplified the problems I’ve been having with girls recently. I don’t know what I’m going through, I just want a label to be put on it so I can go about fixing this. I want to be happy again, and most importantly… I want me back. Any insight/opinions will be truly appreciated.  
3 Responses
370181 tn?1595629445
I think because of certain experiences, some recent, and some from your past, you are creating problems for yourself that are pretty normal during puberty.

I know at your age this is difficult to do, but I would strongly urge you to speak with a male counselor at your school and confide in him. I firmly believe he would be able to alleviate many of your concerns and if he felt you needed more help than he could give you, he could arrange for you to meet with the school district therapist. The happiness you want back and the answers you're seeking are within your grasp.......you just gotta reach out for them.

You're not going through anything millions of other young people aren't, or haven't, gone through. You're going to be OK!
RubyWitch


  

Avatar universal
I believe my school is setting me up with a female therapist, and im also seeing another female therapist under my insurance. My personal therapist believes that HOCD is "b******t" and she was basically telling me that it is okay to be gay in todays society, which really frustrated me. I really don't think i am but all these thoughts that are bothering me are telling me otherwise.
Avatar universal
The person who told you HOCD was a fiction is right.  It doesn't really exist apart from any other obsession people get that makes them unhappy.  Some of these labels are just there for insurance purposes or for pharmaceutical purposes, but they don't serve that much of a purpose.  Some labels do serve a purpose.  It sounds like you have an insecurity that is understandable and very common for young people, a girlfriend didn't act exactly as you wished and you exaggerated it.  But your background would probably have popped up as a problem at some point, not because of you being gay or not gay, which doesn't matter, but because you were abused, which does.  From what you're going through I think this is more the problem than your sexuality, which seems hetero but really, again, doesn't matter.  A good therapist can help you sort this out, deal with the past, and help you see the present with less insecurity.  It might take some time, but at your age this will work itself out, with some attention.  Good luck.  By the way, few of us get through to adulthood without some questioning of our sexuality.  
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370181 tn?1595629445
Arlington, WA
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