These tests I'm sure are the most accurate things out there, otherwise the medical technicians would not be using them. If the test came out negative, then there is nothing to worry over. You had a second round, still it came out negative so all is good and in the clear. I think you are regressing over the issue and trying to make sense of the anticipated fear you have in your head about the condom breaking and HIV by going over it in retrospect and attempting to make sense out of things that aren't really correlating.
You've targeted the problem yourself - you are getting into the mode of thinking "what if" and then regressing and trying to pick out correlations where there may be none at all. Overall, there is no negative cause to this event - you don't have HIV, everything is fine. Since there is no cause, there surely aren't any correlations in these obsessive thoughts of yours. Well, there may be correlatins in YOUR thoughts, but not in reality.
It can be hard for someone who is convinced or very, very worried about something to accept that they were after all, just "what-iffing" about it but that is the truth. I suggest you take a different perspective on it perhaps, and this may help you get back to they way you were before. Try finding the positives in it, the things that comply with the test results and maybe this could help in clearing out your uncertainty. I hope this helps you out, many others can offer some suggestions as well that you can try.
Hello sir, thanks for your kind support. I could reflect upon your words as I read through.
In fact, the incident (protected oral sex) happened 3 and half years before. But few months before, I got fever a couple of times and unfortunately before consulting doctor, I read some articles in the internet and got myself into this bucket of **** called doubts and fears.
Thankfully, through the Medhelp forums, I got clarification that oral sex is very low risk and with protection is zero risk and my test also proved negative.
But the impact of the fear at the first place was so bad that I started doubting condom hole, and accuracy of the tests and so on.
Because of this intense fear for past 3 months, my weight has gone down and obsessively this is also adding up to my doubts and fears that why my weight is going down. I hope my weight loss within 3 months could be becuase of fear and depression.
I am trying to learn some meditations to fight my anxiety. Meanwhile I also get a compounded fear that whether my fears can be removed completely and they don't return again in my life.
Since I have done my tests twice at two different labs there cannot be a wrong test result. This is the strong point I am trying to use against the devil called 'doubt'.
Sir, please tell me, when I am in this horrible doubt and fear, whatever I think or doubt looks real for me. Is this the nature of my anxiety?
Ok here's my story, I'm currently in Kenya for the past 9 months and around 2 1/2 months ago I had oral sex with a prostitute, because this idiot who I met was also from the UK so he said obviously use protection he reassured me by saying he came here and went there (***** house) every year for a holiday since I was 15. I just don't know what hit me I was high that day I thought why not I went there all I wanted was oral sex with a condom I made sure it was secure my only worry was that I had shaved either that day or couple before and I had a little cut on my finger the problem is that I'm not certain if her fluids came into contact with my broken skin, ever since then I was panicking I told my uncle he was the only one who is native to this country he took me to a clinic three days after the I was really stressed out but the test came out negative I was overjoyed I couldn't believe it I was like I'm never doing that again then like 9 weeks after I caught the flu I was really anxious I was thinking to myself I'm certain that's a symptom of the deadly HIV virus I kept on thinking to myself mentally imagining what would happen suicide the list goes on but what made it worse was that after I caught that flu I thought it was because I quit smoking I realised the last time I quit I experience some sort of anxiety related problems and then after 18th day of quitting smoking my mother fainted I thought it was a ,major problem with her I couldn't take it I went back to smoking before then like a week after I noticed that my eyes dilated I couldn't see properly it was like I was in a constant state of dizziness light really affected me my mouth is so dry so I started researching the symptoms of nicotine withdrawal bang it made sense so once I went back to smoking those same symptoms stayed with me so i went more crazier i started noticing my skin to check signs of lymph nodes it never leaves my mind thankfully never major as happen so far God Forbid anything does im almost approaching the 3rd month since that incident im really anxious but this past week ive been going out i noticed my skin itching has gone away but my eyes are still dilated and my mouth is still dilated i really want to go to doctors and get myself checked out but its 50/50 chance imagine living with this disease the stigma I cant get married have children I'm only 20 at my prime I'm strong believer in faith and committing suicide is not the way as far as I'm concerned my faith teaches you'll get punished in hell forever and in the current state I'm in I'm really paranoid another thing is that I caught the flu again and I believe its flu season now but I believed I have generalised anxiety disorder so I researched it and it can weaken your immune system but I'm still not certain I know what I done was low risk of getting the disease but I was really immature, cant I die of something else not like this not right now not so young I really need to see a councillor/ pyscologist the biggest problem is that I am not in the UK right now and I need to go there you trust a medic down here but my parents want me to stay I want to go back but they want a good enough reason if you don't have money down here your a nobody I have to keep everything low key and this stress is really unbearable maybe I could be a hypochondriac but this dry mouth and dilated eyes are really scaring me I just keep on thinking which symptoms could come like I just really want my life back you don't know what you have until you loose it sorry for this long comments please give me help or advise Peace People sorry for my grammar my concentration levels are too low.
Its my pleaure to help out. I honestly think, that after three and half years, the fever that suddenly showed up was most likely contributed to something other than the potential for HIV. I truly doubt it would take that long for it show up, honestly.
Ah ha! You began "Googling" didn't you? That would be the chronic googling syndrome (so to speak) that people with health concerns make the unfortunate mistake of consulting. Believe it or not, there is a form of hypochondria called cyberchondria. All thanks to the internet. Of course the internet is not to blame, but the internet is such a vast pool of information, any person who is inclined to have hypochondrial tendencies, will go online and undoubtedly look up something than confirms or correlates with their supposed "symptoms" and they immediately get aroused, worried or panicked when in reality, the truth is they are fine, but the so-called problem they are having, exists in the mental domain. And that of couse, can cause a lot of anguish on the person's behalf.
This where you plunged yourself into the bucket of doubts and fears.
Okay, so you say your weight is going down. Is it gradual? That seems to me, that because of your chronic doubt and worry, you have decreased appetite which is something that is very common among people with anxiety and depression (some do the opposite and stress-eat) and this of course, is not the best thing because you need food, no matter what your emotional state may be. Without adequate nutrition, this can actually cause anxiety or depression to worsen. Good, nutritionally-dense foods, contain essential nutrients and amino acids, so when a person is depressed or anxious, and they don't eat properly, the emotional symptoms can intensify to some degree. Nutrition actually has a big and important impact on our mental health, it really does. Some studies say that lack of potassium or potassium-rich foods can worsen anxiety. The nutrients in foods can effect neurotransmitters and neurochemicals in our brains.
I'm very sure your weight is going down because of this fear, not a real problem. You are worried about the weight loss, so this in turn leads to a hike in the worry which again can effect your dietary habits. The weight loss is undoubtedly because of the worry and depression. It started after this fear came to mind, right? That seems to be a valid correlation.
Any type of relaxation therapy (whether it be meditation or PMR) can and does help, but with this help I add that you must be persistent with it. Consistency is crucial.
When a person gets flusterted with emotions, mainly the bad ones, it is literally difficult to be rational. The reason why is because our brain has both rational and emotional parts to it, when the emotional centers fire up, the rational centers queit way down. When the rational centers get fired up, the emotional centers quiet down a great deal. So, my suggestion is to trust the logical part which is affirming the fact that you have had to tests done, they came back negative. Keep reinforcing that fact. The emotional component complicates this because you fear something, you have uncertainty. But you can count on the fact you have had the test, twice. And it came back fine. When you are emotionall distressed, trust logic. Not emotion. Emotion is important because it helps to shape choices, but when you are suffering from anxiety or depression or any other bad feeling, then do not trust emotions, stick with solid logic and reason.
It can be common for individuals with an obsessive worry to think that whatever they dread or fear is real, or is coming down the road. Not true. In our heads yes, but the real truth of the matter is, no it isn't. People with bad anxiety or depression feel like they are at the end of the rope, dreading something or can't find a way out. But they do, there are many, many solutions for anxiety and depression and irrational fears. Lots of them. Some you can do on your own, some are clinical and some are medicinal. But there are many antidotes, rest assured.