Fear of death

[Logic2212]

I believe I have thanatophobia, I'm a 18 year old male and I've had countless sleepless nights because of panic attacks some worse then others and not always at night, once I got one on my train ride to school 3-4 years ago and it was after a bad fight with my girlfriend. My bialogical dad died when I was about 11-12 and I believe I have the panic attacks because of that. My fear starts with me thinking of the eternal nothingness loosing all 5 senses and brand activity I wonder is anything left? If there is when will that die? Everything we know has a start and an end so even the nothingness must end right? The uncertainty gets to me, I feel the need to plan so I can prevent death but with that being impossible I feel so small 'metaphorically'. Another fear of mine is there is no going back in life, I wish I could pause life but I can't what happens when your old and you know the next step is death but all you want To do is start from a child again. What makes it worse is I don't know what I want specifically meaning if I was given the choice of eternal life in any way would I take it, I not sure if you could chose your path of eternal life what would it be.
I seem to be the only one in my emmediate family who has these panic attacks. I've had no therapy nor medication I always just tried to face my fear but as I've learnt you can run but not hide the fear comes back when I was young I would prey lots, I still do & yet I've found that the occupying trick would help me aswell, I would for hours sit in the toilet in my house and tear the toilet paper off one piece at a time and stack them on the floor as neatly as I could untill I was so tired I would fall on my bed and sleep right away.
It's great to know others relate and in the time it has taken me to write this I have calmed down because I only searched this page up because I was shaking with fear.  Does anyone know any other ways I can deal with my fears?

[Tommymc18]

I' have the exact same thing, when my grandad died when he fell off a ladder and had severe bleeding in the brain, I had bad anxiety but go over it and then my other grandad had a heart attack about 4 months ago in the middle of uni exams and the fear of death has not escaped me ever since. I think about how much life I would miss out on if I died today, think about my mates and family and the emotional toll it would have. The thing that keeps me sane is exercise and music that way I'm in my own world and don't think about anything else

[AnxiousNoMore]

Have you read any self help books on this issue or tried to locate a  thanatophobia support group? Therapy is probably the next step unless you have lots of money, in which case I would do it now.

[Logic2212]

Thank you, I'll try it and see how it goes