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Feel like I will die all the time...

Hi everyone, didn't post here since a long time.

Ok to do a short story, I'm a man of 37yo, 165 pounds, not in good shape (have intestine problems and also heart related), I do smoke but try to quit, I can't exercise cause of my heart condition...mainly dysautonomia, pots, deconditioning physical state... I have a diagnostic of somatisation disorder, panic disorder with agoraphobia, social phobia and health anxiety who is a part of the somatisation disorder.

My current meds are Clonazepam 7 mg day (not working anymore and did try to lower my dose without being able to do it and also have interdose anxiety even if the Clonazepam have a long half life and that I dosing it to 6 doses a day. I take also a beta blocker call Propranolol 10 mg x 3 a day to control the tachycardia (don't work anymore also... My Doc switch me to the bisoprolol recently but it's not decreasing more my heart rate who is somewhat elevated most of the time into the 100 and more sit...). I did try almost all the psych meds with no help with the exception of the Paxil but now I'm med sensitive so I can take it...even 1 mg of Paxil is enough to send me into extreme tachycardia and anxiety worse than the bad anxiety I have right now...

My main problems are now very debilating chronic anxiety. It's like I'm having a panic attack 24 h a day. I get up and my heart is pounding in my chest and I have tachycardia, and it's last all day long, I have a lot of heart related symptoms like chest pain, left arm numbness, dizziness... Also have intestine symptoms, can't eat solid foods if so I'm sick, had 3 intestinal obstructions since 2011. All day long I feel like I will die from a heart attack or have another intestinal obstruction cause of the pain I feel all the time. Also have TMJ disorder and chronic headache, I can't sweat for an unknow reason so I can't go out my house at summer cause I'm overheating and almost faint and its triggering panic attacks. I'm homebound, stop driving my car since 3 years and if I really need to get out of my house I need to be with someone I trust and even if I don't drive and I'm in a car as a passenger I can't go on the highway. I can't listen to music cause its triggering panic attacks, I can't stay alone at home at all if so I will have panic attacks non stop...

So I get up in the morning and feel very bad with all those symptoms, and it's like this all day long... I can't even go to th bathroom if I'm alone at home cause once in a while I faint sit on the toilet... Using the bathroom lead to a panic attack 1 time on 2...

My hands are always clammy and red, also have insomnia, wake up in the middle of the night with chest pain and  breathless, have no energy at daytime, can't not even enjoy watching a movie or just sit and relax... Right now I type this post with my iPhone and all the screen is cover of sweat from my fingers (the only places where I sweat are hands and feet).

Of course, I had many therapies with some psychologist, CBT therapies who didn't help, had them for 3 years weekly, I did try also alternative treatments like yoga, deep breathing, relaxation with no help... Nothing seem to help me to feel less anxious...

I have a good Doc, had a good cardiologist and a lot of heart tests to rules out important problems and also see a good PDoc but the med sensitivity is a problem cause its limiting the choice of meds I can try next...

Also it's summer I time here and it's very hot and humid outside and I can't tolerate the heat and bright sun...

I'm so tired to live that way. My PDoc did RX the only one antidepressant I never try, it's call Luvox, but I fear to try it even if he advise me to cut the 50 mg pill in 10!!!

What to do when you are addicted to high dose of clonazepam and still have chronic anxiety and physical symptoms? We did try to add meds who work on the GABA receptors like the Depakote, lyrica, neurontin, but it's seem that my GABA receptors are mess up!!! In the past I was able to do a slow tapering with Valium substitution but I did try it again recently and find out that even 20 mg of Valium didn't toutch my anxiety or don't even make me feel tired!!!

Is it possible that all my physical symptoms are related to withdrawal symptoms that I get from the clonazepam?

Right now I'm somewhat alone in my life, I have a good family but all my friends let me down after years of hearing me complaining about how bad I feel I guess... So it's hard to live like this, alone with nobody to talk, always sit on the couch and waiting that my anxiety level decrease and don't move cause I fear that I will have another panic attack who will lead to a heart attacks or something like that... The kind of panic attacks I have are powerful,they last 1 h even more with fast head rate of 150 and more, depersonalisation, muscles contractions, fainting, chest pain, can't breath, overheating from my head, lost of vision, tinnitus, seeing white spots in my vision, blackout...

Ok well I had to write all of this I guess, I feel so bad and alone to feel that way... I'm so tired of this life... I look around me and everyone have fun, they enjoy summer, they go out at night, the just go out for a walk and they enjoy it... ME, just thinking that I have to to in my bed and that I will be alone in my bedroom for a whole night trigger a panic attack and a lot of physical symptoms!!!

I'm alone here to feel that way? Need some advises please!

Thanks !!!
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Arlington, VA
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