this isnt silly...i have been just diagnosed with anxiety a week ago. Now that i recognize the illness and starting to understand it a little more, i thought i was getting better...but then just this morning ive been stressing out about a big day tomorrow and my heart is racing, palpitating, and my face is completely numb right now. My heart and brain are just fine...but from some freaking reason my anxiety makes it seem like i am about to have a stroke and or heart attack.
i freakin hate anxiety.
I THINK THE EXACT SAME WAY..its so frustrating, i also hate being this way but am trying so hard not to stress, I've always gone by the motto the good comes with the bad and the bad comes with the good, which i always think when things are good something bad is going to come along, its really an awful way of thinking, lately i'm trying not to be so stressed about everything. My best friend says i need a psycyatrist and that i'm a hypochondriact. I started experiencing really bad anxiety this past summer, although i've gotten alot better, I'm not on meds, my doctor doesn't think i should be, she just thinks i need to make some lifestyle changes.
Oh my goodness...YES! I never want things to be "good" because then I wait for the other shoe to drop, so to speak. I like when something little is wrong..it keeps other bad things away...mind you this is all superstition but it is really sad that I think this way. It is a horrible way to live. I try to be positive, but I guess I am a pessimist....always fear the worst....My therapist calls it awfulizing. We have to stop doing this to ourselves.
Belevie me, it's not silly at all. I have been like that most of my life. I always look at the glass half empty instead of half full. I can be feeling a lot better and in the back of my mind I am just waiting for something bad to happen. It's like I can't believe that I am actually getting better. And what's really sad is I pray about this and try to have faith, well having faith is BELIEVING that I will get better and claiming it. I am really battling it, but by God's grace I have come such a long way. So I understand exactly where you are coming from. I am a hypochondriac and it has gotten much worse since my anxiety started. So, I push forward everyday trying to have the faith that He will see me thru.
Hang in there, and lets try to think positive, it truly does help.
I just had to respond to your post because it freaked me out BECAUSE I was going to write almost word for word what you did but then I changed my mind :-) AND my therapist calls it "awfulizing" too. Haaaa, I thought she came up with that on her own-lol.
That feeling of doom can relate to the general expectation -through years of experience, that just about the time everything seems to be really good -someone or something is going to take it all away. In fact, this experience can be so profound that we will actually FIND something to do the job if nothing presents itself.
And so, after you stand in front of the mirror, give yourself a whack on the noggin' and yell "Idiot!" ask yourself why you would expect something to bring you down -instead of something to take you even higher. I'll just betcha its because you learned to expect the worse -at an early age.
I am the same way. I have been so much better then I was a month ago but I can't get it out of my head, that it's not going to last. It's actually driving me crazy. I really have to agree with JSGeare, I think it is almost like I am creating a problem for myself. Now that my anxiety is not as severe I am worried about it not being as severe and questioning it. It doesn't make any sense. You know one thing that I suggest that I am trying to do as well is be more positive. So when I start thinking to myself that this is not going to last the good feeling that I have, I will try to redirect my thoughts by thinking this is going to last. There is no reason why it should not. This is a lot easier said then done though. Know that you are not alone. Not a silly comment at all.
I completely understand. It's almost like, since you have had them before and go through a time where things are ok and you haven't had an anxiety "flare-up", it's almost like things aren't right, or you feel like it could be coming on anytime now, you are just wondering when? I read somewhere that anxiety can surface again from just having the fear of having it again. I wonder too sometimes, if these issues with "drama" come from just being used to those old feelings, or undeserving feelings within ourselves. We are so used to getting the ****-end of things; that sometimes it's hard to believe things could be going right for once and that we feel better with ourselves and our health. I know my personal experience is that I fear when i'm going to get anxiety again, that i overly obsses about it and sometimes bring on an actual attack at my own fault.
Thank you so so so much to each and every one of you who responded. You made me feel so much better. All of your responses basically go along the same lines, which is what my rational mind knows -it's all in our head, we're used to things going bad for us in the past, but there's no reason they shouldn't be going well at a given point.
I liked what iamfaithful said -we "awfulize" things, lol.
LMAO count me in!!! No matter how good I feel ..I let the little gremlins make me EXPECT to feel ****** at least once a week and I do....glad to hear I'm not the only one well on the road to recovery that hits bumps in the road....:]
It's a viscious cycle! I've been doing this to myself lately. I feel as if I've sailed out of the rough waves into calm waters. But after breathing that sigh of relief, my old friend "Fear" comes back to rear it's ugly head, and having gotten over a vast majority of my health anxiety issues I think I have nothing left to worry about except getting better. Sometimes I think "am I really getting better or am I fooling myself? Will it come back, will I 'relapse'? Is it only a matter of time?" I think that we've all gotten so used to being on edge and consumed by troubled thoughts that our poor minds are stuck with this habit of worrying about things and that we have nothing left to worry about except getting better. Hope you all felt well today!
Didja see it? Didja see what you said?
-->"I think I have nothing left to worry about except getting better"<--
Fancy THAT! Worry. About getting better. Oy.
I'm not making fun of you, I promise I am not. I merely point to that as an indicator of how very deelply ingrained the expectation of disappointment can truly be.
Trust me, I know.
Try this: next time you're worried that you might be getting better (God forbid) say to yourself, "OK, something may come along to trash the whole deal. But, ya know what? I'm going to enjoy every moment of this feeling, for as long as it lasts."
And then, DO it. Enjoy and immerse yourself in the pleasure. And one day, that period of relief will get longer than the last time and in the fullness of time it will be something you "remember" how to do.
The notion of "fooling yourself" is really just a way of saying you have some choice about how you feel -come hell or high water. And so, come out on your own behalf. Go ahead, fool yourself, fake yourself out. Is it really all that different from choosing the opposite? It can be one way -or it can be the other way. A lot of how it IS, is how you think it is. And THAT, my friends, is something over which you have some say-so, some control. And so - choose what makes you feel good.
What do you stand to lose?
Thank you so much for that pearl of wisdom! I know that everytime I start to doubt myself and my recovery I will recall your words and they will give me strength. Thank you for taking the time to reenforce the fact that recovery is probable if the mindset is right.
Pay attention to this; write it down, paper the walls with it, repost it everywhere:
"Although there is no guarantee that merely believing recovery might occur will allow it to take place, there is an iron-clad guarantee that NOT believing will positively prevent it."
I just had a friend say to me 2 days ago, a little hypochondria? OMG I have been like this all my life and I'm 50 thats a long time to be full of anxiety. In my 20's I was in 2 Mental Wards because of this. I can't beleive they didn't diagnose it. Oh well.
I'm so happy to have found this site and you people. You really don't know what it means to me to know I'm not the only one.
I do the samething. I feel good and think, well thats not good. LOL
Thank you so much for sharing your story's.
I have all the symptoms. Guess what when I read what they were. It stopped.
I know the tricks my mind can play on me.
I hope you all can get well from this stuff that can ruin your life, I know it has ruined mine. Not anymore. Thanks again for this forum.
A very Grateful Hypochondriac. Now I might really die. Right? LOL