I have some problems. They are nothing new really, but they seem to be getting worse every day of my life. First, let me describe what I do and what kind of person I am:
I'm a 25-year-old male, I own my own video production company specializing in music videos and I am a recording artist. I live with my girlfriend in an apartment who I am in love with, and get along with great. My schedule is always crazy but I try my best to create routines for myself, using my office as a place of "work" and "creating" and getting deals done so I can pay the bills. I've been creative my whole life and never fit in anywhere in groups, clubs, or teams of any sort. I've always tried to escape my problems and the result of that is my creative work. I've made some of my most successful videos and songs solely from the urge to escape some of my life problems and feelings.
As I have grown older, now 25, the pressure to pay bills and remain financially stable has overridden the spark I used to have to create. I quit my serving job about a year and a half ago, got my own office, built a cliental, and have remained financially independent off of my work. The down side now is finding the spark and inspiration to do what I do. I have always been a drinker. Most of my music is based around drinking, fun times, and parties. But now it seems like everytime I drink its to escape where I'm at in my life. I can go days without drinking, no problem at all, but everytime I decide to go out and drink the next day I am in complete shambles. It's like my hangovers are at all time worst. It never used to bother me, I could drink countless drinks and wake up and be fine for the most part. Now, if I have even 5-6 drinks at night, the next day I wake up confused, clumsy, and lost. I feel like I dont have any control and that the day is gone to waste because I am not at my full potential. In my line of work, its requires 24/7 finessing of relationships and peoples projects and the ultimate goal of making MONEY. It's like if I get even slightly out of the zone I'm completely lost. However, when I am in the zone, I'm killing it!
I'm trying to help myself stop trying to escape from every moment of everyday. It used to be that my methods of "escape" were escaping from my job (like being a waiter) by having my mind elsewhere the entire time I worked and when I leave I create whatever I was thinking about. Now, I do this full time, and I do it for other people. And on top of that, I'm always struggling financially. I feel I am constantly having to shift gears to deal with other people and I have forgotten entirely about myself and who I even am as a person. I've been told that I am Bipolar in the past by my doctor, but didnt like taking Lexapro, it made me feel weird, so I stopped. I am currently prescribed Vyvanse ADD medicine, which I actually like because I feel more in control of myself and my life, and its a stimulant which greatly sparks my creativity. I still feel anxious all the time, and don't have much of a sense of securuity ever. I still enjoy drinking because it makes me relaxed and not have to worry so much about everything around me, but my hangovers are getting unbearable and feel completely out of control the next day. Does anybody have any advice for me? This pretty much just skims the surface of my problems and how I feel and this is my first ever posting anything on a site like this.