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Avatar universal

Getting over an irrational fear

So I would like to share my story, as I need help getting over this fear, and believing those around me.

In November, I had allowed my boyfriend to finger me with saliva used as lubricant. Two days later I experienced discomfort in my vagina. Thus, triggering a full out panic and anxiety that to this day has not left me, as I am terrified of STDs. I am sixteen years old, and my mother found out the extents of what my boyfriend and I had been doing during a pregnancy scare (completely irrational, I jerked him off and he fingered me while doing so thus getting his precum in my vagina) back in September. I had told her I stopped but I started again with fingerings and jerking him off. So anyways, I freaked out completely and asked her to take me to the doctor, denying that we had done anything sexual since September. After going to the nurse practitioner, she told me since I was not having sex she wasnt concerned about STDs and merely prescribed to me a yeast infection medicine that made symptoms worse. I called, and she gave me a bacterial infection medicine now, which I dont think has helped, but Im also not sure if my anxiety has gotten in the way of thinking clearly. I'm going to see the doctor, and as my friends suggested I'm going to tell her about my anxiety so she can calm me down.

My boyfriend and I are both virgins and have never done anything with anyone else but eachother. However, I have irrational fears that perhaps his father cheated and gave his mother an STD and she never knew about it because she chose to never get tested, and she passed something down to my boyfriend.

I'm terrified constantly. I don't know if I'm going to believe her either, and I dont know how to get out of my head that this is not an STD. Am I alone in thinking this way? What are some ways I can believe the people around me that I do not have one. I don't know anymore how to make myself believe experts and I fear a constant cycle of anxiety and never getting better.
4 Responses
Avatar universal
The only way to be sure you don't have one is to get tested.  I question also that you seem to have been put on strong antibiotics without a test confirming anything is wrong -- your "nurse" is just guessing and giving you drugs that will kill off healthy bacteria.  I know you're only 16, but when I was that age many years ago everyone was doing what you're doing now and I assume many years before that everyone was doing it if they could get away with it.  But if you're going to be sexually active, even in the way you're doing it without intercourse, you need to take a course that will properly educate you on how it can affect you, how you get STD's, etc.  It doesn't sound like you're clear on it.  You also need to learn to maneuver in the modern medical world, where drugs are given out like candy.  I hope the answer is to be able to confide in either your parents or some other adult who can guide you, perhaps a counselor at your school.  As for your worrying, if it's only related to this one issue, it could be guilt or immaturity or any number of things.  If it extends to other aspects of your life, then it might help to discuss it with a therapist who can reassure you and help you grow into your sexuality.  Good luck.
973741 tn?1342346373
Hi there.  I've read all of your posts on the STD community.  There is virtually no way you have an STD from what you've written there and here.  Your boyfriends mom did not pass an std on to him at birth.  Mothers are tested for std's hon.  And you've only had oral sex.  

The issue is indeed your anxiety.  PLEASE talk about that with your mother or parents.  You need to address that and don't feel like you are alone.  Lots of people have excessive anxiety.  It might be helpful for you to see a counselor to discuss this and perhaps you'll need to work with a doctor as well.  But you need to let your parents know that your anxiety is nonstopping and overwhelming.  This could be just he beginning and other things could cause you to have obsessive and irrational fear.  

When you see a therapist, you can request that you want to do so privately without your mom in on your session.  Then you can delve into the specific issue of fear of an std without concern of what your mom may think.  

But this really does need to happen so that you can get on with your life and not have to live with this obsessive fear.  good luck hon
Avatar universal
Hi specialmom,

Thank you so much for reassurance as it is very very much appreciated. How do you suggest I ask my mom to see a therapist without telling her about my sexual encounters or specific fears? Thanks again
Avatar universal
Depends on you Mom.  You'd probably be surprised at what she did at your age.  But if you feel she can't handle it, just tell her you're feeling very anxious, are having trouble coping with it right now, and leave out the sex part.  
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