Yes, I understand. I have had tons of test done in the past couple of months over aches and twitches, all kinds of ****. Anyway, I suffer with anxiety horribly. I am also a part of thehypochondriac.com forum. It has helped me some too. People with anxiety may also suffer from health anxiety, which I do greatly. You should try the other forum too and see if it helps.
I do have MAJOR health anxiety. I am not sure why but it scares the **** out of me. I looked at the hypochondriac forum and it made me more anxious for some reason. I am so tired of being scared of having something wrong with me. I can't take it much longer, I feel at the end of my rope. I feel better when I see that others have the same symptoms that i do. Except I feel like I'm alone in these symptoms. I just want some reassurance I guess.
As you can tell from **** you see here, you've got company. One of the strongests defense that you really are OK is recent data that rules out the dread disease or feared syndrome issues, and your shrink may very well set this up for you (mine did) as a sort of Valentine's Day present.
Yeah -that's a month into the future- so the immediate mission is to get some relief for the "driving myself nutz" part of it, and that could mean some meds. So I encoyrage you to schedule a consult with your doc ASAP to deal with that part of it.
I also prescribe regular attendance on this forum and frequent communications with those who really know what you're talking about.
And another thing: believe it or not, we need you as much as you need us. I'm glad you are here.
Now -get busy. Call that doc.
First of all, I just want to say that you are a great asset to this forum, I think everyone would agree to that.
I saw my doc 2 weeks ago and started taking buspar and i have xanax for the really bad times (which seem like all the time right now).I also don't want to be a xanax junkie, even though it is saving me from insanity right now. I know that it can take 1 month for the buspar to work, which is way too long to wait. Hopefully this one will work. I guess time will tell.
I haven't seen a shrink for this so I hope I get one that I like. I have a really hard time opening up in front of people. I would love to have him rule the "bad things" out so that maybe i can relax alittle.
Now if I can wait a whole month.....
No sweat. Take the Xanax, that's what its there for. If you didn't have it, you'd be beggin' for it.
Now here's whats going to happen, I think, as the 30 day clock counts down. You will have much the same experience as you would in a doctor or dentists waiting room. That is to say, your brain will find "things to do" while you're waiting to see the doc. What do you do in the waiting room? You read magazines you'd NEVER choose, just because they are the only things there. You'll pick up that ragged copy of "Farm Implement Review" (oops, Iowa -never mind) or ManOne and actually read, word for word, ads about men's potency vitamins, athletic supporters and God knows what. Same as I read Ladies Home Journal to discover the ten secrets to hiding panty lines. Then, maybe, you talk to the Neanderthal sitting next to you whose sniveling little curtain climber is slobbering all over the one copy of Bible Stories for Children. Its is just like that, you get tired of going nutz, so you do something else for awhile. Trust me.
Now write me back something wacky and we'll take it from there.
My subsciption to "Farm Implement Review" just ran out. I started reading "waltzes for one" and found it so interesting that i am only reading a couple pages at a time to make it last longer. The one copy of Bible stories is now "Holy" from all the slobber so I will have troubles with that one.
Actually felt OK for a few days and of course it all came crashing back on me. I was helping my brother in law carry some stuff and the next thing i know i feel like my muscles are weak and numb again. I don't get it. Thats part of why i think that it might be something more, it seems to get worse after i do physical stuff but i don't know if its because i am so intuned with myself right now or what. I know that i am tense alot, esp if i am just sitting around even watching tv. Then i will try to relax and then i am right back to being tense again. Now I know you are not a dr but do you think that is why i am having these muscle problems? Just want an opinion, I won't hurt you if you are wrong. (VA is too far to travel for that, now if I was in the area it would be a whole other story). Tell me what you know about muscle tension.
Ok, I know this is supposed to be funny somehow and i ruined it, i will make it up to you.
Oh and because we are going to be pen pals for the next month i guess you can know my name.
Now then, Stef, I want you to grab hold of yourself, and hopefully not in a manner that makes the public nervous. You did a fine job with the humor part, and I think there's a future for you as a writer of religious jokes for Barak Obama.
Matter of fact, the "waltzes for one" paper-back you found behind the radiator may be a clue, but I'll save that until I start running out of material -about 2 paragraphs down from here. It reminded me of a book I was going to write about cooking. I am a very skilled cook - I work from scratch every night and have yet to find anything better then my own meals. And one of the reasons I'm so damned good is that I understand how flavors and textures interact; I know what happens when heat is applied, I know why bread rises, I know why an omlet becomes an omlet. I use NO RECIPES That is, I understand the physics and chemistry of cooking (just put catsup on everything! That was a joke). Hello? Are you still there?
Anyway, I thought I'd write a cookbook called, "Cooking Without Recipes," but then I realized it would have no subject matter so it is, as yet, unwritten. Maybe a TV show. "Cooking Stupidly," maybe.
But enough about me.
"Waltzes for One." Clever. Tell me more about what that title (and I DID google for it) means to you. Did you dance, or want to dance or perform at one time? Did you have, or want to have a nice romance? I'm not trying to play doctor Freud, here, but it amazes me how spontaneous creations of humor are so often like a message in a bottle. And even if the creation is just wacky and originates from a depth so murky as to defy discernment, then the act of wondering and thinking about the origins may sometimes be fruitful.
OK, the muscle tension thing. And by the way, how do you know I'm NOT a doctor? Is it the house-arrest anklet that gave me away? But I regress:
Let me start by repeating what you asked me, because frankly I'm clueless and they pay me by the word to write this stuff which is why I'm so long-winded. Here we go:
"I know that i am tense alot, esp if i am just sitting around even watching tv. Then i will try to relax and then i am right back to being tense again. ... do you think that is why i am having these muscle problems?"
Did you say "TRY TO RELAX." That's kind of a contradiction in terms, isn't it? TRY ... and RELAX? Expend effort and energy to make yourself STOP expending effort and energy? Makes no sense.
I'm not making fun of you, I promise. When is the last time you remember feeling relaxed. Or, better yet, what does it MEAN to feel or be relaxed? Oddly enough, the state of relaxation (while awake) often involves, or even requires, some kind of activity. I don't mean programmed exercise, necessarily; the actvity can be in your head, as far as that's concerned. Hypnosis works (when it does work) by inducing a relaxed state. How? By creating images of comfortable places and sensations.But that's not equated with doing NOTHING. Au contraire, the body and brain are busy being sensual, absorbing gentle warmth, feeling tension go away -and allowing another human to direct and control them (some). While I suppose a flaccid state may be called relaxed, it is relaxed in the same way a dead skunk in the middle of the road is relaxed. Bear (stay, not bear) with me.
For many people, a state of relaxation doesn't necessarily mean a state of suspended animation or lack of movement. I'm relaxed, for example, when I'm splitting firewood, lifting that heavy maul, starting it in an arc toward the heart of the wood, adding some muscle to the gravity, watching it strike the target and pass through the hard oak like it was butter. The sense of relaxation may therefore be associated with a sense of place and connection to what's going on around you, a sense that what you are doing at any particular time is a "good fit" with life itself. That is to say, Steph, that such energy as you have is being applied in some way and hopefully in a manner which carries some satisfaction, reward or sense of contentment. It can be for pleasure, for work -for anything.
Which is why many anxiety and panic people have the condition that they have. The anxiety and panic tends to induce a "deer in the headlights" kind of inertia, in which great energy is held in reserve, taking the form of TENSION but NOT being released or applied to anything -why- because we're afraid, that's why!
And so, the mandate to relax, while caught on a coiled spring of tension, is a tall order. But the tension, of course, is played out through our nervous system and our muscles -our physical being. You bet! Where else would it go? Oddly, while mechanical exercise, breathing exercises and other such "relaxers" can help deflect this somewhat, the die hard anxiety victim suspects that these things are sort of like telling somone to boil water when there is an emergcy situation. "How can I help! What can I do?! My GAWD, she's throwing up all over the place!"
"OK, you start some water boiling while I summon medical help." Works for awhile, until you peek around the corner to see what's really going on.
The fact that anything works -even for a just awhile- may be enough, however, because what we want to do is break behavioral cycles, to initiate changes in behavior. Doesn't matter where you start -it just matters that we start. The point is that by doing so, YOU are taking control away from whatever is making your buns cling around your whitey-tighties, right?
What I'm trying to say here is that relaxation tends to be as much or more as a RESPONSE to a situation as it is a deliberately induced state. And if you are in a fairly constant state of alert, with the tension that goes along with it -what do YOU think your muscles are going to do about it?
You will note that as you read this that several things have happened. You laughed, toward the top of this post -you see I'm ready to "come out and play," and you trust that the feeling is genuine. Later, as I move onto a bit more rationale discussion, you see that waht I say makes sense, in a way, and you can identify with it. Then, your creative mind started to integrate your own insights about relaxation, "directed" energy and so on. You began to say to yourself, "Maybe if I ..." whatever it was. And you realized that you were already breaking the cycle.
So now, you have a sense of excitement. And what else ...?
A great deal of this has been induced, believe it or not, by laughing, which is your basic, all-purpose circuit breaker. It is not just the "ha, ha" noise (although that is great exercise). It is also the brain figuring out why something is funny. Now, Google for Norman Cousins, then come back and tell me what you found.
See ya later, Stef. You're doing fine. Feel free to send a private message if that would be helpful.