I posted previously how I struggle with an HIV phobia when I have never been at risk. I have been fine but today, World's AIDS day I find myself driving myself crazy again about certain aspects of my past. The incident is when went to the NYC health center to get at test. The lady in there was this mean Jamaican lady who flipped out on my when I was scared and asked if my results were ready yet. When I finally was called in she said "your result is..." paused and said "NEGATIVE" it was like she was messing with me which is messed up since it was tramatic for me. I then said "are you sure" and she said "YES." I then walked out and like an idiot when I was in the door I turned around and put out my hand for the woman to shake it and said "thank you." and she lifted up her hand away from mine and said "no no go talk to the guy" and waved me off so I just thought she was being rude and left.
TODAY I cannot help but think, did she read my result wrong my accident? And was she telling me to "go see the guy" to get medicine??? It drives me nuts when I think about this. I called the NYC Health website and they said that they would never let a person just leave like that into the population endangering other people and that if somebody was positive they wouldnt just yell "POSITIVE" and dismiss them like that (since she would not have said anything if I had just left, or would she?). But this lady was very mean and I am worried that she is just cold in her work and could have given me a wrong result and told me to see the guy because I was positive?
When will this anxiety ever end. I know this is completely rediculous by my mind is sick and I will randomly worry about this stuff all the time.