Noone will judge you. First of all, it takes courage just to seek help and share your story. You did the right thing by getting tested in my mind, but do you have access to therapy? In my opinion, it could get down to the root of your guilt and start the healing process. It definitely can be a very long, hard road, but you can definitely get there...keep us posted!
For some people anxiety over medical conditions is common (I am one of them). I always think I have one thing or another. I would suggest that you see your primary dr and get a physical and full bloodwork. I know that is scary. If things come back good then you will know for sure and save yourself lots of endless worry....If in the off chance things come back not so good you can get treatment and begin to move on with your life.
I agree that therapy might be good for you. It is always nice to have someone to vent too and they can teach you breathing techniques and other coping skills.
You posted here so that tells me that this is something you want to deal with and that is great. I hope things turn out well for you. Keep us posted....
Thank you so much for your response. I know I need therapy badly but they are so expensive. I'm in college and work a part time so needless to say I'm broke. Even if I did go to the doctor I couldn't bring myself to tell them what I have done. I'm just too ashamed. I'm destroying myself with regret and worry and I know it will probably be like this for the rest of my life. I do have a primary doctor that gave me 20 mg of prozac 5 years ago but I stopped taking it suddenly about 5 months ago because I knew it was doing nothing. Do you think I should try to get a new medicine or will medicine just hide the underlying cause? Im told prozac is pretty strong but I felt nothing from it. If therapy is a must ill have to do it.
i just have a suggestion just don't mention the fact that you had it with a family member no one needs to know this, you can just say a random guy and as for your guilt if you really wanna seek forgiveness then ask your lord for repentance as he's the most forgiving and merciful. now idon't know what faith are you from but in islam the Lord almighty says I love those who repent and I would forgive you as if it never happened. so as long as your ashamed and are willing to repent consider your self forgiven.
First of all:
Most colleges have a counseling service for students. It's almost always free.
A far as the medication - Not every medication works for everyone - Prozec worked for me for a short time - then the sexual side effects drove me crazier than I was to start. And it does nothing for anxiety - just depression.
what do you have to lose by your misery, by buddy?
PS: Shame is not a very productive emotion, although it is real. Seeking an online support group - like the abuse community here, for example, might be a bteer start.
And it is not at all unusual for those of us who were molested as children to have confused or incomplete memories.
i call mine "Hitting the Wall".
If you have tested 3 months post the exposure .Then you have a conclusive results.
If you need further advice post your question in HIV prevention or HIV anxiety forum.There are people like Teak , Lizzi and Mike who will provide nearly expert advice.