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Heart Anxiety, Friggen' Heart Anxiety
Cheers Everyone -
** This is a note for those whom suffer from Heart Anxiety without having any prior diagnosed problems with their
heart (i.e. Heart Attack / Disease etc ...) **
For me, I think it's the feeling of not being able to control it, or that I don't know exactly how to prepare for it that freaks me out the most. Well, the episodes themselves freak me out the most ... but the build-up is intensely nerve racking sometimes. As Wilde said "To believe is very dull, to doubt is intensely engrossing". The thoughts, doubts and questions, as endless as they can seem, are always present. I was 9 when I had my first palpitation / flurp / flutter / float / knock / stretch / missed-beat(s) / racing beats / doubles / pang / ping or whatever you want to call it/them. I am 34 now and they have been there, like a bad rash that won't go away for the past 25 years. 25 f'in years. 2+ more years of worry and I will eclipse the total lifespan the likes of Jimi Hendrix, Kurt Cobain and Jim Morrison. WOW. Perspective.
I always ask myself "what if I didn't have these freakin' things" ... Only WHAT IF? I have never went over a week without one, or at least something mumbling, picking, poking and rumbling out of my chest - making me anxious and puting me into short, or long periods of the "WHY! F*CK WHY ME!" questions and bouts of depression with anxiety. Two to three days of not feeling anything would be really, really cool. I mean that. Just numbness and a smile. But, for now at least, the endless questions and worry lead to a suffocating circle of maddness most times. Really lame. Really, really lame.
I have, and am moving mentally to the "F*CK YOU" stage of these things. Worrying for 25 years has not stopped them, and I never truly realized that. I never stepped back and looked at the layers - of what may be going on that I am not really aware of. We all think we are the maestro's of our own concerto's, our bodies are our temples and we can CONTROL them as we please - but we are not, and we cannot - there are doors which you will never be able to enter, and that you will never be able to adjust, cure or tackle. We are not all made the same. Just because you bounce a basketball doesn't mean you will be Michael Jordan. We are wired ten-trillion times more intricate and complicated than a 747 Jumbo Jet. Ever ask youself how you make your fingers move? I mean ... really MOVE? Look it up, something you may preceive as being very simple is actually very, very complex. This is
how we are. This is our beauty.
I always think that I will notice it before it's coming, prepare for it, then when it happens, I calmly and resiliently overcome the small trauma that I have just experienced. But that's not the case is it? I believe that most of us are healthy people, with real-life problems, stresses, strains, good-times, bad times, food, sex, drugs, alcohol, kids, bills, traffic, movies, blue sky, clouds ... whatever. Ask a person whom has cystic fibrosis if they would trade their illness with someone whom has PVC, Heart Palpitations or whatever. Ask someone who has Cancer, see what they would say. We are just trying to survive as optimally as we possibly can.
In the end I am tired of being a slave to my body, constantly worrying and fretting. Constantly reminding myself that
"something is WRONG" ... when, really, yes, something IS wrong - we are dying. Literally. Every second, of every minute of every day we live, we are dying. From the moment of conception, there is ONLY one direction you can take. You are not a Vampire. Every breath you take in is one step closer to your last. Every beat, or skipped beat your heart takes is one more closer to is expiration date. Chances are very strong that you will not live to see the 22nd century. But chances even higher that you will not die from a heart palpitation / flutter / pang / ping or even the anxiety related to it. Just like you will not die from a lasting, reoccuring headache, or from a muscle cramps that will not subside. If you were TRULY sick, you would know it. Ask anyone whom is terminally ill. Exercise? Yeah, right. Not happening when you are REALLY, REALLY sick. But we are ill, unfortunately in the most annoying, frustrating and perplexing way. Our brain is sick (for most of us). We suffer for reasons which we do not, nor will ever understand. I believe this is worse than knowing we are sick and trying to overcome it or deal
with it.
I will quit being a "WHAT IF!!!" guy, and try my hardest to be a "THAT WAS COOL, LET'S DO THAT AGAIN" guy.
Life is really too short. We cannot even grasp how short. I wish a million wishes that I would never have any weird feelings in my chest, that my heart would never flutter or beat out of time, or that I could mentally be very strong and rock solid! But the only thing that I can think of wereas we don't feel anything ... is death (I heard maybe Heroin ... but I am not going there). And since I don't want to die, or do smack, I have to stay and deal with this the best that I can. Could it be better? Maybe. Could it be worse. Yes. Definiately. Go visit a Terminally Ill ward at your local hospital and tell them that your sad, depressed and have anxiety because your heart beats out of rhythm or makes you feel "funny". Actually, don't do that - but you get me point right?
The day will come for me where the worse is here - where I am leaving this planet to join Jimi, Kurt and Jim in wherever you can imagine ... but in the meantime ... what will you do in the meantime? We all make choices.
I really wish everyone the best in their parts of the world and that they are understanding that we are not perfect.
Our hearts included. Pumping blood is not easy. Every second, of every minute of every day of your life. Everything is connected in us.
Heart, Friggen' heart !!!
** This is a note for those whom suffer from Heart Anxiety without having any prior diagnosed problems with their
heart (i.e. Heart Attack / Disease etc ...) **
For me, I think it's the feeling of not being able to control it, or that I don't know exactly how to prepare for it that freaks me out the most. Well, the episodes themselves freak me out the most ... but the build-up is intensely nerve racking sometimes. As Wilde said "To believe is very dull, to doubt is intensely engrossing". The thoughts, doubts and questions, as endless as they can seem, are always present. I was 9 when I had my first palpitation / flurp / flutter / float / knock / stretch / missed-beat(s) / racing beats / doubles / pang / ping or whatever you want to call it/them. I am 34 now and they have been there, like a bad rash that won't go away for the past 25 years. 25 f'in years. 2+ more years of worry and I will eclipse the total lifespan the likes of Jimi Hendrix, Kurt Cobain and Jim Morrison. WOW. Perspective.
I always ask myself "what if I didn't have these freakin' things" ... Only WHAT IF? I have never went over a week without one, or at least something mumbling, picking, poking and rumbling out of my chest - making me anxious and puting me into short, or long periods of the "WHY! F*CK WHY ME!" questions and bouts of depression with anxiety. Two to three days of not feeling anything would be really, really cool. I mean that. Just numbness and a smile. But, for now at least, the endless questions and worry lead to a suffocating circle of maddness most times. Really lame. Really, really lame.
I have, and am moving mentally to the "F*CK YOU" stage of these things. Worrying for 25 years has not stopped them, and I never truly realized that. I never stepped back and looked at the layers - of what may be going on that I am not really aware of. We all think we are the maestro's of our own concerto's, our bodies are our temples and we can CONTROL them as we please - but we are not, and we cannot - there are doors which you will never be able to enter, and that you will never be able to adjust, cure or tackle. We are not all made the same. Just because you bounce a basketball doesn't mean you will be Michael Jordan. We are wired ten-trillion times more intricate and complicated than a 747 Jumbo Jet. Ever ask youself how you make your fingers move? I mean ... really MOVE? Look it up, something you may preceive as being very simple is actually very, very complex. This is
how we are. This is our beauty.
I always think that I will notice it before it's coming, prepare for it, then when it happens, I calmly and resiliently overcome the small trauma that I have just experienced. But that's not the case is it? I believe that most of us are healthy people, with real-life problems, stresses, strains, good-times, bad times, food, sex, drugs, alcohol, kids, bills, traffic, movies, blue sky, clouds ... whatever. Ask a person whom has cystic fibrosis if they would trade their illness with someone whom has PVC, Heart Palpitations or whatever. Ask someone who has Cancer, see what they would say. We are just trying to survive as optimally as we possibly can.
In the end I am tired of being a slave to my body, constantly worrying and fretting. Constantly reminding myself that
"something is WRONG" ... when, really, yes, something IS wrong - we are dying. Literally. Every second, of every minute of every day we live, we are dying. From the moment of conception, there is ONLY one direction you can take. You are not a Vampire. Every breath you take in is one step closer to your last. Every beat, or skipped beat your heart takes is one more closer to is expiration date. Chances are very strong that you will not live to see the 22nd century. But chances even higher that you will not die from a heart palpitation / flutter / pang / ping or even the anxiety related to it. Just like you will not die from a lasting, reoccuring headache, or from a muscle cramps that will not subside. If you were TRULY sick, you would know it. Ask anyone whom is terminally ill. Exercise? Yeah, right. Not happening when you are REALLY, REALLY sick. But we are ill, unfortunately in the most annoying, frustrating and perplexing way. Our brain is sick (for most of us). We suffer for reasons which we do not, nor will ever understand. I believe this is worse than knowing we are sick and trying to overcome it or deal
with it.
I will quit being a "WHAT IF!!!" guy, and try my hardest to be a "THAT WAS COOL, LET'S DO THAT AGAIN" guy.
Life is really too short. We cannot even grasp how short. I wish a million wishes that I would never have any weird feelings in my chest, that my heart would never flutter or beat out of time, or that I could mentally be very strong and rock solid! But the only thing that I can think of wereas we don't feel anything ... is death (I heard maybe Heroin ... but I am not going there). And since I don't want to die, or do smack, I have to stay and deal with this the best that I can. Could it be better? Maybe. Could it be worse. Yes. Definiately. Go visit a Terminally Ill ward at your local hospital and tell them that your sad, depressed and have anxiety because your heart beats out of rhythm or makes you feel "funny". Actually, don't do that - but you get me point right?
The day will come for me where the worse is here - where I am leaving this planet to join Jimi, Kurt and Jim in wherever you can imagine ... but in the meantime ... what will you do in the meantime? We all make choices.
I really wish everyone the best in their parts of the world and that they are understanding that we are not perfect.
Our hearts included. Pumping blood is not easy. Every second, of every minute of every day of your life. Everything is connected in us.
Heart, Friggen' heart !!!
Heart palpitations, flutters, missed heart beats and God. Interesting sissypants. I guess that is one way to look at it! As John Lennon says "... whatever gets you through the night 'salright, 'salright"
I feel wonderful sissypants. I have never really felt terrible. My point of that long rambling is that life is about ups and downs and dealing with the moments which we are most vunerable. Sometimes these moments can last for days, weeks or years ... but we still have to deal with them the best we can. If that is God, or if that is John Lennon, finding the "nookie" as they say in German, is what we must do. Especially when dealing with matters of the mind and heart.
I feel wonderful sissypants. I have never really felt terrible. My point of that long rambling is that life is about ups and downs and dealing with the moments which we are most vunerable. Sometimes these moments can last for days, weeks or years ... but we still have to deal with them the best we can. If that is God, or if that is John Lennon, finding the "nookie" as they say in German, is what we must do. Especially when dealing with matters of the mind and heart.
OnlyGod knows that day when we will take our last breath....our bodies are not our own but the temple of God....we were never told in Gods word that we would not suffer but that God would be with us all the way and he would supply all our needs.......I have alot anxiety and depression and hardly ever leave the house but I praise God I am still able to see,feel,touch,smell,hear and love the new day I have been given...
You are right when you say it could be worse and people with anxiety have to deal and cope with each new day with all the strength they can....its hard and everyone has different levels of anxiety....some to a point where they can never even leave there house and are paralzed with fear and some like you that have anxiety over your heart fluttering....it is difficult no matter what level our anxiety is but we must fight and push forward and just give God our burdens and problems everyday....cause in the end its all in Gods hand and his will and we cannot do anything that is his will ...God is God and he knows whats best for us and only he sees the big picture....
I hope you get to feeling better and I will be praying for you to let God carry your burdens and just know he is in control of your life if you let him....
God bless,
sisspants
You are right when you say it could be worse and people with anxiety have to deal and cope with each new day with all the strength they can....its hard and everyone has different levels of anxiety....some to a point where they can never even leave there house and are paralzed with fear and some like you that have anxiety over your heart fluttering....it is difficult no matter what level our anxiety is but we must fight and push forward and just give God our burdens and problems everyday....cause in the end its all in Gods hand and his will and we cannot do anything that is his will ...God is God and he knows whats best for us and only he sees the big picture....
I hope you get to feeling better and I will be praying for you to let God carry your burdens and just know he is in control of your life if you let him....
God bless,
sisspants
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