Help Apathy now I think I have HOCD?

[Bronnie_x]

Hello, Im a 17 year old female for starters,
Okay so since I was younger I have had crushes on guys my whole life and loved a few guys but never girls.... However, about 7 months ago I split up with a past boyfriend that I believed I really loved until it all went pearshaped and I started getting questions in my mind like "do you really love him?" that would torment me until I had to break up with him. However, this continued to occur every relationship i had afterwards which lead me to believe i had abit of ROCD. Due to the fact i couldnt escape I became depressed and apathetic, and still am today, I cant feel any emotion anymore, no excitemement, passion for anyone or happyness, just anger or occasional sadness. However, about 2 months ago I suddenly had this thought out of nowhere saying, "what if your a lesbian?" This really really distressed me to the point i cried everyday after college for about 5 days. The first day I had this thought I went to bed to try and block out the thoughts they were that bad. (im not homophobic and have nothing against gays) But i just couldnt be a lesbian and girls do NOT turn me on. It scares me the thought of being with one. Sometimes I get the occasional thought " its okay if your a lesbian" then i qucikly think "No, what am I thinking no its not" Its just taken over my life when I see an pretty female my anxiety goes wild and i tell myself "I can tell shes pretty, but that doesnt mean im attracted to her dont be silly" but I see guys and im attracted but I dont feel like i want to be with them anymore which scares me!?!?!? I imagine myself being intimate with girls and I get scared and disgusted then with guys and it feels right. However, these thoughts have seemed to calm down now which makes me worried as I think i have agreed with the thoughts now, will this ever stop its driving me mad! And do you recon I have HOCD or im just a closeted gay?! Has anyone had the same thing, and has anyoe got over this?!

[Paxilpete]

If memory serves correct it was a summer when I was still in high school. I was having a difficult time at home, my father had sent me to live with my grandparents, this lead to a break-up with a high school sweetheart. I felt so alone and the thoughts of homosexuality would enter my mind, however I would dismiss them because I knew I was heterosexual. Just know your not alone in these thoughts, don't rush and focus on yourself, the is so much more to a relationship than sex ( I'm sure you know this). We were given free will. My opinion if you act on these feelings you might end up regretting your choices and that could get you into a dark side of a community you don't want to be in. Then if you try to get out of the bi, homo, lifestyle you will be right back where you started. This is just my opinion.

[Bronnie_x]

thankyou!
Just feels better to have reasurance. I suffered from severe OCD 5 years of my life about washing and germs, so i've had a very strong past of OCD. Complete nightmare, I will check out your forum :)

[Bronnie_x]

Where you scared of these thoughts and how long did they occur?

[Paxilpete]

I think everyone at sometime it there life has homosexual thoughts, I did when I was younger, it was because I never found the right person, I'm happily married now with a lovely daughter in college. There is nothing wrong with you. You are just trying to find yourself and your sexuality, from a Christian stand point homosexuality is wrong, some might disagree, but this is how I justify it a man and another man can't procreate nor can women, if the world was all homosexual earth would end up being extinct .

[RubyWitch]

I firmly believe that by the age of 17, you know, and HAVE known for quite some time, in which camp your sexual orientation lies.

I believe you are going through a very normal phase of questioning your sexuality and that often includes wondering about our orientation.

If you have any issues with OCD, it would be very easy for that to morph into HOCD during this time of questioning.

I think before we take this any further, I would like you to check out our OCD Forum. This fear/concern/confusion you are feeling is dealt with over there all the time and I think they will be able to help you better at this point.

We will ALWAYS be here to help you with any anxiety or panic you're trying to deal with...........I am not "giving you the boot!" I just really believe they are who you need the most right now.

Please, check out the OCD Forum and if it's not helping, come back here and we'll get into this.
Peace
Greenlydia