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How can I not have ANXIETY?

What can I do?


I am mentally ill and dont know how to take care of myself. My mother is a hoarder and I had sex with a stranger and think he gave me AIDS. i am a mess and have no friends.
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1462810 tn?1327360449
Something else, very important, that is essential to your recovery....

We need to talk about the things, past and present, that trouble our minds.  That's part of de-stressing.  People who hear us talk about these things understand that we are in distress and they can be very comforting, too.  This type of forum is a safe and useful place for that kind of sharing.  

However, the word for two people talking about distressing issues is "commiserate", which means "be miserable together".  A little goes a long way.  If you have friends who only want to talk about their miseries, you need to ask them to help you change that.  If they can't or won't change, then you have to distance yourself - just like a drug addict who, in order to quit, must distance themselves from former friends who choose to remain addicted.  

A little talk about what troubles us goes a long way.  Too much just adds to the stress.  To wit:  (I just got this in an email)

A young lady in front of the room, confidently walked around, while leading and explaining stress management to an audience; with a raised glass of water, and everyone knew she was going to ask the ultimate question, 'half empty or half full?' ..... she fooled them all...
"How heavy is this glass of water?" she inquired with a smile.

Answers called out ranged from 8oz. to 20oz.

The lecturer replied, "The absolute weight doesn't matter. It depends on how long you hold it. If I hold it for a minute, that's not a problem.  If I hold it for an hour, I'll have an ache in my right arm. If I hold it for a day, you'll have to call an ambulance. In each case it's the same weight, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes." She continued, "and that's the way it is with stress management. If we carry our burdens all the time, sooner or later, as the burden becomes increasingly heavy, we won't be able to carry on."

"As with the glass of water, you have to put it down for a while and rest before holding it again.  When we're refreshed, we can carry on with the burden - holding stress longer and better each time practiced. So, before you return home tonight, put the burden of work/life down. Don't carry it home... pick it up tomorrow.  Whatever burdens you're carrying now, let them down for a moment if you can. Relax; pick them up later after you've rested. Life is short. Enjoy it and the now 'supposed' stress that you've conquered!"

And then she shared some ways of dealing with the burdens of life:

1 * Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue!

2 * Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.

3 * Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.

4 * Drive carefully... It's not only cars that can be recalled by their Maker.

5 * If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.

6 * If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

7 * It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.

8 * Never buy a car you can't push.

9 * Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, because then you won't have a leg to stand on.

10 * Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

11 * Since it's the early worm that gets eaten by the bird, sleep late.

12 * The second mouse gets the cheese.  

13 * When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

14 * Birthdays are good for you. The more you have, the longer you live.

15 * You may be only one person in the world, but you may also be the world to one person.

16 * Some mistakes are too much fun to make only once.

17 * We could learn a lot from crayons. Some are sharp, some are pretty and some are dull. Some have weird names and all are different colors, but they all have to live in the same box.

18 * A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.

19 * Have an awesome day and know that someone has thought about you today.

20 * It was me, KATRINIKA, your friend!

(To the brilliant person who wrote that, Thank You!)  
Helpful - 0
1462810 tn?1327360449
I have been battling mental illness for thirty years or longer.  A zillion meds tried, some for many, many years.  The side effects lead to all sorts of additional psychiatric and physiological illness issues, and more meds and more side effects, on and on.  Something I learned very recently is making a difference...

It's the fear of my problems that does the most damage.  Leads to breakdowns, hospitalizations, medications and etc. as described above.  Fear is the bugaboo.  Exhaustion is a fear enabler.  Make sure you are getting adequate rest and nutrition.  Oddly enough, after thirty years and boxes and boxes of books, the best book on this overall has been "Natural Stomach Care" by Anil Minocha, M.D. (I got it from the library.)  There are some wonderful suggestions in this book for regulating digestion through anxiety control.  

For myself, I have just decided that instead of coffee in the morning (I've only allowed myself one cup for years) I am going to get a "sunlight" lightbulb and sit under it for the time I used to spend over coffee in the morning.  Doing that has shown promise both as a waker-upper and as a help in regulating sleep cycles.  I've tried melatonin (a hormone) for sleep regulation and didn't like the immediate dependency it created - worse than Ambien (which quit working after a while and comes with its own side effects), for me.  

As for loneliness and friendlessness - I KNOW where you're coming from, and a lot of it has to do with our childhood environment and what we learned about survival in it.  From Dr. Minocha's book:  "Cultivate Outside Interests.  Studies find that dedicated involvement in a personal interest is an important element in maintaining health and longevity.  The moral is to fill your leisure time with pleasant and diverting activities such as gardening, photography, cooking, quilting, reading, sketching and painting, raising tropical fish, computer programming, breeding dogs, hiking in nature, woodworking, needlepoint, bicycling, fixing up old cars, collecting collectibles, maintaining your own Web site, learning a language, playing a sport, editing home videos, or volunteering at a local school, animal shelter, hospital, or fire department - you name it.  The trick is to find a passion that involves you emotionally and mentally, and give yourself to it fully.  The rewards can be tremendous."  I'd like to point out that, in many if not all of these activities, it's not hard to find other people who love the same activity, both online and locally.  This automatically gives you something positive in common with these other people, something to smile about, something to focus on INSTEAD of your issues (these chase people away like lions at an antelope reunion).  You WILL find friends.  Just stick to the positive subjects... persistently.  If you get off on the negative, stop yourself as quickly as you can (ask for help if the friends are the kind who want to help - just a little signal is all it takes), and get back on the positive subjects.  It's like eating a cookie while you're on a diet - you can let one cookie ruin the whole diet, or you can take a bite, catch yourself, throw the cookie away, and go get an apple,  

God bless.  Both of us.  Oh! Not to offend anyone, but - praying out loud isn't always a quick fix, but both the short and the long term benefits can be pretty wonderful.  
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I had protected sex, but unprotected oral where I gave the oral. I got a test after 3 weeks and it is negative. But they say I have to wait 3 months to be sure.

I have seen a doctor for my head and he put me on prozac for three years...the prozac took away my anxiety, but made me act manic.

I think my step right now would be to find a therapist...one for me and one for my mom.

I hope I am okay....what do you think?
Helpful - 0
358304 tn?1409709492
You are not mentally ill. You have a thinking problem, and some issues, that can be resolved. Think of it that way. Think positive. =) Your mom is a hoarder, that's not your problem, that is her problem, that she can only fix. Has she seeked help for this? Therapy can really help. And that can change if she is willing. =)

Also, you had sex with a stranger But did you use protection? If you are that worried about AIDS go get tested. Its quick and easy. That will ease your mind about that. Plus people usually don't just get AIDS, it's HIV that could turn into AIDS. Not trying to scare you, but chances are you don't have HIV or AIDS. Just get tested. That will be ONE STEP of taking care of yourself. You can take care of yourself, it takes practice. Have you ever seen a therapist? Or a Dr.? If you are feeling pretty bad, go see a Dr. then look into a therapist. Things will look up for you I promise. =) Try to think positive. I know its easier said that done. But with practice you can do it.
Helpful - 0
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