Avatar universal

How can i get my self out anxieties ?

I am 27 year old male about to get married in some time (Virgin as well). I am having many anxieties or may be i am overthinker

I am worried about my physical health, especially my gut hurts i am conscious about peeing that it would hurt when i do it or the cycle of excretion is not normal. I got every urine test and ultrasound clear.

I am worried how its gonna be after marriage how my sexual life gonna be and consciously think about it sometime. We don't meet often one could say never. I sometime go flirting and have a romantic discussion i masturbate when i have such phone call. I once had a sharp pain in my penis when i did it sometime back and i was pretty depressed and traumatized. I got myself to a urologist and he said it has nothing to with sexual strength. But in the back of my mind i still have a fear.

I am quite kind and forgiving towards my fiance (but overall as well), our marriage is arranged. I sometime feel anxious about our bond. Although we settle our matter and move along.

I went to psychatirist as well when i was too much frustrated. He gave me Prolexa 10 mg and rivotril 5 mg for 3 weeks with varying med quantity. I left after having for four days i was calm and decided to leave with not having addicted to it.

There is lot to do when it come to marriage preparation, as i am arranging all the finances so there is this pressure as well.

I dont know is this all normal, or am i overthinking or just terrified. What should i do i am not a fan of meds for relaxation all i need is to calm my self down by how?
1 Responses
Sort by: Helpful Oldest Newest
Avatar universal
This is really really normal.  In the US, the religious customs largely went away a long time ago, so we start having sex a lot younger than you are now, but that's how it is when we do start whenever that is.  Look at sex like anything else in life -- the first time you try anything new that's important to you, you have doubts and insecurity about it.  The more you do it, the more you learn about it, and the better you get at it.  It stops being a big thing.  This will happen with you as well.  A piece of advice I can give you is, talk to your spouse when you're married about it.  I know it will be difficult, more difficult in your culture than in mine, but it will lead to a better sex life.  Ask what she likes, let her ask what you like, as you try things.  Don't make it a huge mystery or it will stay a huge mystery.  And if you didn't feel anxious about your marriage, that would be weird.  You don't really know one another.  But I'll tell you, even when you do, it still takes work and teamwork.  As for the pain you had, that sometimes happens with masturbation and can also happen with sex with a partner -- sometimes you do it too hard, sometimes there isn't enough lubrication -- it's just part of learning.  So again, just look at it like all the other things you learned to do in life.  It's just like that.  All the best to you.  
Helpful - 0
Thank you v.much for the advice.  Any advice what should i do for now any therapy you have in your mind.?
Yes, this is entirely normal. I might add to this, though, that perhaps, on the spectrum of human personalities, you may ke fall on the more nervous or prone to anxious thoughts side. I do. If I were in your shoes, I'd be as anxious as you if not more! If you are feeling so overwhelmed as to be getting to the point where your day to day activities are really suffering, then perhaps being on anti anxiety medication for a short period of time may be a good choice. Finding a psychologist or counselor to get these fears out of your head is also great. Also, taking up to 30 minutes each day to meditate on peace or some other similarly helpful emotion really, really helps me. Other than that, be calm in the fact that this situation would create anxiety in anyone! Let that fact alone help you understand that you're not any different from the rest of us. Best of luck!
If this anxiety is affecting your life in all facets of it, then yes, it's time for a psychologist and therapy.  I'm not sure I agree with the medication part, unless you're life is greatly affected and you're not able to function.  I can't tell you if you have an anxiety problem or you're just a worrier, which is a different thing.  There are all kinds of personalities to make up a world, but mediation and therapy are for when it becomes a disorder that is irrational.  If most of your anxiety is focused on the marriage, that's just you.  If it's directed to everything in your life and is making your life hard to live, then yes, therapy to learn how to think differently.  If your life is so disrupted you're having a hard time functioning, then yes, medication.
In response to your inbox, you should talk to a therapist about this because you need some one on one that you can't get on a chat forum here. This mental agony has been going on for a long time so print this thread off and take it to a therapist to see if something can be done about it.
Have an Answer?

You are reading content posted in the Anxiety Community

Top Anxiety Answerers
Avatar universal
Arlington, VA
370181 tn?1595629445
Arlington, WA
Learn About Top Answerers
Didn't find the answer you were looking for?
Ask a question
Popular Resources
Find out what can trigger a panic attack – and what to do if you have one.
A guide to 10 common phobias.
Take control of tension today.
These simple pick-me-ups squash stress.
Don’t let the winter chill send your smile into deep hibernation. Try these 10 mood-boosting tips to get your happy back
Want to wake up rested and refreshed?