How do I stop humming and speaking out loud when by myself

[bjandrews1223]

I hum when I am home or in the car, sometimes when I am shopping.  Also have spoken out loud things I am thinking or answering something I was thinking about but out loud in public and at home.  

[specialmom]

Hi there, I'm SO glad I could help make you feel better.  :>)  Come on over to Relationships forum and join us.  I'd love to have you spend more time here to get some support and friendship.  :>))

[specialmom]

I really feel for you.  That's so hard.  I know suicide is so painful because of how we feel after but also because of the idea of knowing how much pain our loved one was in to make that choice.  As a mother, that has to be just the worst.  I'm sure her husband feels horrible.  Losing your sweet girl and best friend, ya.  You are going to have different things and right now, I'd call them 'quirks'.  Talking to yourself.  When I lost my mom tragically, I talked but it was to Jesus.  Full conversations. And I talked to my mom.  I lived along at the time and had these discussions out loud.  Maybe it was 'weird' but I was in pain and trying to get through it.  I still might have some conversation to myself but not as much as then.  We started a thread on another forum I am on about grief and the holidays. Here's the link:  https://www.medhelp.org/posts/Relationships/Getting-through-the-Holidays-after-a-Major-Loss-tips/show/3038536  Please join us.  I'd like for us and the members here to be able to support you and be there for you.  hugs

[bjandrews1223]

I have had several conversations out loud with God and my daughter and as I go by a memorial wall I have for her, I touch her photos and say something nearly every day but only when I am alone.  It helps me feel better.  My husband says the humming doesn't bother him but he only recently heard me doing it, but I don't think he has heard me talking out loud to myself.  I am concerned that people will think I am loosing it if they hear me doing the humming or talking out loud so that's why I want to stop doing it.  Maybe it will go away on it's own.  Thanks for the link.  That's thoughtful of you and thanks for the hugs.

[specialmom]

Humming to me doesn't sound nuts but sounds happy.  :>)  Really, I hear it and I think the people doing it are just happier than I am today humming a little song.  The talking to yourself, well.  Lots and I mean LOTS of people do it.  I had a lady say as she and I passed in a grocery aisle "oh geez. Don't mind me, I'm just talking to myself."  And I said "I didn't even notice because I'm deep in my own conversation with MYSELF."  Just get through your days right now.  I am sure it will probably lessen and if something makes you feel better . .  . you should GO for it at this point.  You've been through so much my dear.  You don't have to worry about looking strange to the rest of the world. The fact that you are still standing and going on says a lot about who you are!  

[bjandrews1223]

Your comments makes me feel so much better about humming and talking out loud.  You kind of made my day.  :) Thank you!

[Paxiled]

Mom is so right about this.  Those who aren't talking aloud by themselves are thinking aloud to themselves.  You can't hear it, but it's happening.  Anxious people get really really worried about things that others just don't notice at all.  It's no fun to be so hyper-aware of everything.  Maybe this will make you feel better a bit -- a very famous jazz pianist named Keith Jarrett hums so loudly on some of his albums it drives me nuts because I can't focus on the great music.  I'm betting he hums all the time because he's so into the sounds he's hearing inside his head.  I play guitar and have writing a lot of music, though I'm not a professional, and really, it just starts out as something like humming that develops as I play.  I'm also a writer, though again I failed to get published thanks to my anxiety disorder, alas, but writing started for me with voices whispering beginnings and endings of stories in my head as if it wasn't coming from my own imagination.  Of course it was coming from my own imagination.  We're all pretty odd birds in this life, but that's not an illness.  Peace.

[specialmom]

Ah, sweetie.  How awful.  No wonder you are having great anxiety and depression.  These events most assuredly would be triggers for depression.  Grief is horrible.  I have had great grief myself and it is deep, deep pain like nothing else (at least for me).  I can't imagine a daughter who chose suicide and how that would cut to the core.  My heart goes out to you.  And your grandson found her?  Tragic.  I know that I once went to a counselor specifically that dealt with grief.  That was their specialty. I don't know how many there are out there that have this niche but I'm sure there are many that can really apply their training and experience to the area of grief.  the support group you are attending is excellent!  Is it for those who have had a family member who took their own life?  Medication is such that it often is best to start it slowly, like a low dose that is slowly or gradually increased.  If things get too bad, this is still an option for you.  There are lots of choices.  I hope that you occasionally get to go outside or to a gym or someplace where you can get some fresh air and exercise.  Exercise, even just walking, helps with mood.

You certainly have been through a lot.  How are you sleeping?

[bjandrews1223]

My daughter's health was not good, nor was her marriage.  She was on a lot of medications and was severely depressed for the last couple of years of her life.  She and her husband had a terrible argument just before  and I think she was in such an emotional state, couldn't see any other way out.  Dealing with the aftermath has been the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with.  She was my sweet girl and my best friend. We talked a lot on the phone but she lived nearly 800 miles from me.  I am coping with the grief pretty well most of the time except for the incessant humming and talking to myself.  Haven't thought to mention the humming or talking out loud to therapist but plan to next time I see her.  Not in a grief support group but that probably would be a very good idea and I will look into that.  

I have started walking in my neighborhood every couple of days and I do feel better afterwards.  Thank you so much for your comments and for taking the time to respond.  

[specialmom]

Oh, I am so very VERY sorry to hear about a sudden death of your daughter.  That has to be devastating.  Mom to mom, few things would be more traumatic for me if anything.  That's about the worst it can get.  And I'm sure you are in shock.  When did this happen?  And ya, driving with a new, young driver . . . grandson or otherwise is nerve racking. My son will be driving in a year or so and I'll be probably gripping the side arm and holding my breath while trying not to show him so he can remain confident.  I remember my driving instructor who didn't have a break on his side of the car but kept slamming his right foot on the ground like he was slamming on the breaks!  LOL  That experience will get anyone going with anxiety!  

Anyway, yes. You could be coping and developing some sensory habits to try to get through things.  In a way, they may be helping, you know?  If they harm no one, you may want to let it go or now.  but if it really bothers you, switching to something else may be beneficial or work.  Things like doing something orally to soothe like chewing gum is soothing.  Deep breathing.  Visualization.  Meditation.  These strategies can help distract us and soothe us well during the moments of emotional uncertainty or difficulty?

[bjandrews1223]

Daughter took her own life in May 2018 at age of 50.  Grandson was the person who found his mom so it was just so devastating for him.  Doing better now than back then but still devastated and he is still struggling.  He is very new driver but doing well with that now.   It was so unexpected and I am doing grief therapy to help me cope. Tried an anti depressant but made me dizzy, drowsy, upset stomach and headache for two days , so only tried that one.  Just not for me.  

Thanks so much for the chewing gum suggestion as well as other breathing, etc. techniques.  I will give some of those things a try.  Thank you!

[Paxiled]

I wouldn't worry about the humming.  Some of us hum.  Did you never hum before?  Or do you just notice things more now?  Grief isn't depression and it isn't anxiety, it's grief, it's not a mental illness.  If it sticks around too long it can become depression in those prone to getting depression.  Grief just takes a long time to get over, and longer for some than others.  It never goes completely away, it just dissipates.  Grief is perhaps part of the herd nature of being human, it reinforces the need for us to help one another as humans don't have armor or razor teeth or claws for protection, we mostly have each other and our brains.  So sorry for your troubles and hope you find your way to a better place soon.  Peace.

[bjandrews1223]

Worked in a law office until I retired in 2012 after 24 years in the legal profession as a legal secretary and a paralegal and would find myself humming softly while working on a big filing electronically with the court and the documents with attachments were huge.  That calmed me and allowed me to focus on what needed to get done.  The rest of the time, I didn't do that.  In the car with new driver grandson, I admit it was difficult so probably the same as before, just a calming mechanism.  That was about the only time I recall the humming thing.  Still, wish that would stop.

[Paxiled]

I used to be a lawyer and also a fiction writer, and I used to think a lot while pacing.  Did it as a kid, used to drive my Mom nuts.  But it helped me think.  You need to figure out if this is just a part of your personality that means nothing but you're over-focusing on it, which is what anxious people do, or it really is a new behavior that is truly harmful to your enjoyment of life.

[specialmom]

So, I do this myself. Do you feel this relates to anxiety?  One time I was doing dishes and was humming when my husband said in a very loving way "my mom used to do that".  GASP.  Fond memory for him but not exactly the person I want to be associated with.  LOL  Anyway, do you tend to do it when you are bored or anxious?

[bjandrews1223]

I started noticing it after my daughter died suddenly and while was riding with my adult grandson who was learning to drive, so I think it may be depression and anxiety and is a very annoying coping mechanism.