I am a mom that has really given everything to her kids and family. I am last when getting anything in our home. Even cook for everyone and by the time I am finished I am too tired to eat myself. I work, have always worked. I took a job with a family member's company so that I could bring my first child. I didn't want to put him in daycare and I needed to work. I volunteer in their classrooms. Now, the oldest are teens. My one son started to experiment with pot. he tells me it's only pot, but we are anti drugs. He has told me several times he wishes I was dead. I have been sick for years with a tumor that was removed and dealing with the repercussions of the surgery. But, you would not know I am sick. The kids know that I am tired, by 8 pm. I just can't keep doing for them after that time. I am exhausted and in extreme pain by the night. I can't push through the pain any longer. The physical pain and my family members telling me how I am a screw up. Everything I have done wrong in my life. My kids will tell you I never cook. I cook a dinner by 5 pm. My parents tell me how I am this and that. I never hear a good positive nice comment from anyone. I now have to work two jobs to help pay the bills. So, I am even more tired in the evening. My house is clean, the fridge is full, the kids have current clothing. they are not suffering . My oldest wishes I was dead and I feel dead inside. I can't do anymore, I am in so much pain, phsical pain and emotional. I want to leap from the bridge, but I still worry about how it will effect my kids. Maybe, it will not effect them. No one seems to care about me. They only see the negative. I haven't laughed or really smiled in years. How long can you get beaten down mentally before you leave? How long can you take the heartbreak before you leap from the bridge? So tired, broken and destroyed. a stranger would never realize on the outside how hurt i am from everyone around me. I wish I could laugh again, I wish my child would say I love you again, I wish my family would stop expecting me to save the world and suffer to make their lives perfect. All I want is someone to help take away the pain. It is too much pain. I know no one will be able to help me. I tried getting help. They just say leave the people that hurt you. The only way to leave everyone is to leap from the bridge. I feel dead inside and it is a horrible feeling. cold, dead, no passion for life.