How to handle the fear of having another anxiety attack?

[retired_atcr]

Dude, your story is very similiar to mine. January 2011, my lower back finally gave out on acount of a motorcycle accident in 1996. The disc at T5-S1 totally gone. First doctor I saw after we returned early from vacation, (ended up in ER, thought was passing a stone) sent me home with 90 Oxycontins, 90 Perks, and 100+ Neutrotin. (Spelling here may be D-..LOL) Bam...in no time was barbed out solid. Stayed that way until August when we finally found what we considered to be a great Neuro-surgeon. Had a TLIF transplant, new disk put in back. Went great, so...time to unload the barbs. By this time I was still taking the Oxy's, Perks, and Morphine for breakthrough. By following Dr's orders, I became hooked. Wife and Dad talked to me, we decided it was time. Told my Neurologist I wanted off the barbs. Stopped Sunday evening, by Wed. @ 10am I thought I was gonna die! Wife drove me to Neuro's office, he stuck a SUB under my tongue, then another, then after the third one..I sat up and told the wife, "It's over, let's go eat"! That quick! It was great...I thought. Now, to shorten this saga, I told my Dr. numerous times I wanted off the SUBS. He said I was not ready. So...I took muself off of them. Nobody said anything to me about WD's. I was taking 8mg (4mg twice a day). Cold turkey, thinking nothing about WD. 5 days in...again, thought I was gonna die. Went to my family doctor, (who knew nothing about Subs), he put me on Perks for pain!!! WRONG! Ended up in the ER 2 days later. My WD now has taken 6 months. I have been down, only to be put back on a higher dose to ease the pain. You are exactly right about the crappy treatment you get when the word is out that you are on SUBS. Seems they either look down on you as an addict, or they don't know a damned thing
about Sub. Now, ref. the Panic Attack thing. I recently lowered my dosage, (I am doing this with Dr's help, but tapering a little faster than he knows) started feeling pretty good. Wife and I went out to our camp, built a fire, had a few beers, got up to get some more wood, and it hit like a HAMMER! Scared the **** out of me. I lost my legs, trouble breathing, nearly passed out, knew I was having a heart attack, and told my wife to get me to the house immediately. While riding in the golf cart back to the house, I just knew I was going to die. It was absolutely horrific! Got inside, blood pressure was 190/110, heart rate was 110. Lasted about 20 minutes. Saw my SUB Dr. next day, he increased (AGAIN!) my SUB, gave me Xanax, and Trazadone for sleep. Here is the twist...I am a retired Air Traffic Controller. Worked in one of the most stressful jobs at the busiest facility in the world...never ever had a panic attack! Took pride in the fact I could handle anything. Now...I occasionally have small attacks when my wife suggest we go out to the firepit and enjoy the evening. It's like I don't want to be where that happened. Anyway, your story inspired me to write this...I hate this Suboxone...wish I just WD'd from the barbs cold turkey and been done with it. Now about a week from "Jumping Off" the Subs...I know it will be okay, great support from wife, strong desire on my part. To all who are on this drug, I suggest you get off of it immediately, if you can. I hope the feeling of panic subsides, I sure do like those evenings in the woods at the firepit with my loving and caring wife. Good luck to all...any advice regarding the panic thing would be greatly appreciated! Peace, out.

[MYoungAtHeart]

I have never used medication for anxiety but have been in recovery for this for over 20 years.  And I cannot even yet today be sure that anxiety will not raise its head and come in a back door while I am not looking.

We can go along quite quietly for sometimes even years, but without therapy or group recovery, we are like Lightning Rods that you see sitting on so many barns in the midwest....All of a sudden, Boom, there it is,
and our foundation is shaken and then we try to become even more watchful when in fact the watching for the anxiety is not allowing us a free and useful life in many cases.

With therapy or group therapy, we work on the issues that attract the anxiety, mainly the depression that seems to open the door to the attacks.

I do know what you are going through and hope that you see your Medical Doctor for a Medicine adjustment and a referral to see a therapist.

Good luck to you

M

[remar]

You have been through an awful lot. It sounds like you're doing quite well though, other than the panic attacks. They're awful! Have you thought about counseling? It may really help you with the panic attacks. I know many of us here do not want to go any where near where we had an attack. This is very common with us anxiety sufferers. I would think too that you may be having anxiety because of the med decreases. Hopefully once you're completely off them the panic and anxiety will stop. Think about counseling in the mean time though.