Hypochondria over HIV and diseases.

[mac86]

I've been a hypochondriac for YEARS, since I was little, and would relate the common cold to anything and everything devastating.

I've been obsessing over the fact of HIV for 3-4 years now, and that is something I've never admitted to ANYONE until now. I believe it is a prime factor in my depression. Actually, I absolutely know that.

When my depression really flared up, I started (and still do to some extent) relating my depression symptoms to that of HIV. You know, fatigue, loss of appetite/weight, can't sleep, sleep too much, night sweats, etc. Hell, I even got really sick once (Winter last year), and my lymph nodes got really swollen. My mind always goes right back to it. Even when my family or a friend jokes about me being "skinny" or "pale", instantly my mind goes to it. I'm just naturally skinny and always have been, why can't I just let it go?

Deep down I know I don't have it. I'm almost 21 years old, have been with 4 partners, and have ALWAYS used a condom. There have been no instances of broken condoms or anything "high risk". So why do I feel like this? Why can't I just "break" the feeling?

I feel like a test would make me feel no better, since that is the nature of a hypochondriac. I guess I'm asking for some stories or people that have a similar fear or are hypochondriacs themselves, and got through it? I probably just need some meds for general anxiety, and a therapist.

Thanks.

[mac86]

Thanks Gina.

My Mother advised that I get the test just to "ease my anxiety" and others have said don't even bother if you've been safe during every activity, or that a hypochondriac may deny results. Either way, all of the people I talked to (here and in real life) have said that I should seek therapy or someone who specializes in anxiety ("Health anxiety").

Thanks for the words, I appreciate it :)

[Ginasouthcarolina]

hi how are you? i read your post and you sound just like me about 5 years ago...i just got married and had to get life insurance and you HAVE to take a AIDS test..it was my first i was so scared cause unlike you i was not so careful all the time for the most part but once i wasnt..any way the test took about a few weeks to come back iot was the worst couple of weeks of my life and it was negative ...but like you i obsessed for years about aids cancer brain tumars heart desease you name it i had it and if someone i knew got sick then what ever they had i had it wasd a nightmare...but as it turns out i have nothing,,its this CRAZY disorder we have...i will tell you to ease your mind i went to an HIV and AIDS seminar were this man talked about the truths and myths about the desease...people may disagree with me when i say this but i heard it from a ,,profesional..Sexual contact is the hardest way to get AIDS because to get it you need to have blood to blood contact..now im not saying you cant get it other ways but im just quoting him...so if you never had unpretected sex then i can tell you i seriously doubt you have it i would just get the testr done it did wonders for me i felt like i had a new start to life..you are so young dont let this ruin you life cause it did for me for a long time....I think that Apex11 might have been reffering to something like i saw about the myths and truths about HIV...Good luck..Gina

[hazelfigurine]

I am going through the same thing right now after a low risk exposure.  Random sypmtoms coming and going and all the while my mind fixating on the HIV even though I know I do not have it.  I have never been a hypochondriac of any sorts until now and the internet (minus this site) has only exaccerbated it because of the health sites that offer only the vaguest of information and list every symptom possible for every disease known.  

I would suggest you get tested and put it to rest, depending upon where you live most counties have a health services department that provide free anonymous testing.  Plus, you've used protection so you are at no risk and as long as you keep using protection in the future you will know you're fine.  You may need counseling (I am about to start) to discuss these issues and figure out exactly what is driving this behaviour.  Best of luck.

[LLWB]

You may be able to contact your community or county health office for help finding a low cost or no cost therapist. Good luck, and yes, the HIV test could also be done thru them at low cost. It would ease your mind..at least on that score. God Bless.

[mac86]

I may get the test, just to maybe put my fears to rest? At this point I do feel better, because I've told myself that what I've done in the past was no/low-risk activities, and not to think about any other variables or "what ifs".

After telling my Mom and even my aunt who I'm very close with, I feel so much better, like a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders. They now know a big source of what sparked my depression/anxiety and I don't have to hide it anymore.

My only big thing at this point is getting to a therapist/psychiatrist with no insurance. I'll figure something out though, hopefully.

Thank you for your words, I appreciate it very much.

[suzi-q]

I had a fear of HIV once for no reason at all.  I told my mom and felt better about it also...but I got the test and it came back negative.  Then my anxiety symptoms moved onto other things....brain tumors, lupus, MS....anything and everything that I could get my hands on.  I finally went to a therapist and was diagnosed with depression.  I started taking paxil and buspar with occasional klonopin.  I did lots of talk therapy also.  I am 99% better.  I totally understand your fears and no matter how irrational it may sound to others, it is so real to you.  I would suggest to get the HIV test and then get to a therapist.  They can help you deal with if not find the source of your pain.  I wish you well.

[mac86]

Also, I'd just like to point out that I admitted my fear and phobia to my Mother today, who was glad I told her.

This is something that I've literally obsessed about for 3+ years, every.single.day. You can probably imagine the torment and almost "mania" I was going through.

It felt very, very good to tell her.