Aa
A
A
A
Close
Anxiety Community
23k Members
Avatar universal

I am very anxious. I am certain I contracted HIV.

Hello, I am very worried, anxious, depressed and scared. I'm a gay man. Almost 2 months ago, February 12th I stayed out late and to my own misfortune got very drunk and came home with a guy. I did use a condom with him however, at some point it came off and that is the bit I cannot remember. Ever since i suspected I may have contracted HIV. I never had symptoms for the first 6 weeks. I went to get a test, rapit test and ELISA test which both came back negative. Following the results I started to get symptoms, mild fever/flu like feelings, I had a flat rash or spots in my inner arm and the same on the other inner arm, slight dull ache in my left joint. Headache, I've been anxious and not sleeping. I am just so terrified I feel like my world is falling apart just when my life is meant to be at it's best. I know I Have all the symptoms it has now been 7 weeks and I will be getting tested on Monday. I know the guy was a stranger and he looked like the sort who sleeps around. It was a huge mistake and I never ever normally do this. However it will be one i Live to regret. I Need someone to talk to because im suffering through this alone and if i Have it no one can know. I just dont know what to do. I have all the symptoms I am certain I have it. Worst of all I could have gone for PEP when it happened but was uninformed due to being naive and stupid. I'd always been careful it never really was something i thought id research into. Till now. I feel i Have all the symptoms. Oh and I Have swollen lymph nodes. I feel almost as if everytime I research symptoms they happen. I havent had a temperature yet. The flu went after a week. Before these came on I had gone out a lot that week before and shared drink with someone who had a temperature or so they said. I also have a cough now and tingling in my lips. Oh dear. I just know I have it. So i am trying to prepare. I am a university student. How will I maintain my way of living, or change it? i need a lot of advice and someone to talk to. What will i do without my family or friends or anyone knowing to ensure I can live without obvious symptoms. HELP please.
51 Responses
480448 tn?1426952138
It doesn't sound like you had a risk.  The time that the condom was on, you were protected.  IF indeed the condom came off and you had unprotected anal sex, then you had a risk.  The good news is, most people are not infected, and even if he was POS, there would be no guarantee you would get infected from one exposure.

The only choice here is to test, which you already know,  Your next test at 8 weeks will be a VERY good sign if negative.  If you DID indeed contact HIV, you would most likely test POS by 8 weeks.  Just be sure to follow up at 3 months with another test to put this behind you once and for all.

From now on, it is wise not to mix alcohol and sex, especially in excess.  Alcohol causes one to lose their inhibitions and do things they normally would not do.

Chances are you will be fine, you cannot consider "symptoms" when gauging a risk.  They are too inconsistent.  ONLY a test will give you the answers you need.  Try not to let the anxiety get the best of you, in another day, you should get some relief.  Hang in there.
Avatar universal
Thank you so much. Im really trying to hang in there but its hard, i hope i get a second chance just to undo my mistake. I tested negative at 5 weeks and have an appointment tomorrow, i seriously know i have the hiv blotchy rash after looking at it on google images and also have had a lesion in my mouth. AHHH, any chance i caught something else giving hiv like symptoms. thats my only hope. otherwise im doomed. so so scared, not slept all night, very uncomfrotable.
480448 tn?1426952138
You don't know that you're "doomed" and it's IMPOSSIBLE to diagnose yourself based on info and pics you find online.  There is a reason doctors have to go to 8-12 years of school.

ANY negative test result is reassuring.  Your next test (Monday) will be extremely unlikely to change, so a nega will give you a great deal of comfort.

I HIGHLY advise you to steer clear of the internet untl you are done with the testing process.  All it does is fuel the anxiety.
Avatar universal
True but i need someone to talk to im so scared. I just want someone to talk to me through this process, I have seen people get good support on these forums at times like this and thats all I need at this time you know. Its really not easy, I wonder where the line between anxiety indced symptoms and actual symptoms is as they all seriously began after my negative resultwhen I should have been happy that im negative and I was accustoming to the idea. Im just convinced i have flipped from Negative to Positive in the last week when the symptoms came on and seroconverted.
480448 tn?1426952138
I understand you need support, but you have to understand there is only so much we can tell you.  I've already stated it doesn't sound like you had a risk to begin with and I also told you that your test tomorrow will be almost conclusive.  If you had been infected, you would almost definitely test pos by this point.  

There is no way you are going to be anxiety FREE during this process.  You just have to find things to keep you busy as much as possible to keep your mind off of this as much as you can.  That really IS the best option.

When you get your negative result after testing tomorrow, that should be a HUGE source of relief.  Then the 3 month follow up test should be much easier.
Avatar universal
I know im so scared.... i am so so scared. I just know I have it. I have pain in my finger joints now as well. And a bit in my muscles and headache. The only HIV symptom ive not had so far is High temperature. I have had a bit of one though, was very low grade flu. Ahhhhhhhhhh. My parents are so happy and im not even being myself. I want to be my happy self. I know this is the end. I just know it. I want to prepare for this positive result. Do you have any ideas. I just cant believe this is happenign to me. Why! Why God why! I feel as though i'd rather die than this.
Have an Answer?
Top Anxiety Answerers
Avatar universal
Arlington, VA
370181 tn?1428180348
Arlington, WA
Learn About Top Answerers
Didn't find the answer you were looking for?
Ask a question
Popular Resources
Find out what can trigger a panic attack – and what to do if you have one.
A guide to 10 common phobias.
Take control of tension today.
These simple pick-me-ups squash stress.
Don’t let the winter chill send your smile into deep hibernation. Try these 10 mood-boosting tips to get your happy back
Want to wake up rested and refreshed?