I feel like I am going crazy! please help

[azqtpies]

I dont know where to begin , I have had depression for the past couple months bad I cant seem to get this feelings of doom to go away, like I am expecting the worst news ever. I constanstly are afraid of dying, all I do is cry I feel like I have every symptom of every incurable diease. Though I finally broke down and went to the doctors few weeks ago, and I have the biggest fear of them. I have had swollen lymph nodes under my arm and I told him about them and he is I just send you for mammo never even touch them, well I tell hiim about my anxiety and he just about laughed at me talked to me as if I were crazy!! Gave me lexapro and ativan and the lexapro made me want to peel off my forehead and the ativan did not help at all.

I went for the mammo and it said they found nothing, but they are there I feel them they are not normal, I cant help but think they  missed them. I cant stop thinking these horrible thoughts, I am so afraid im dying I have small kids that need me, and I dont have anyone to talk to.

I really do think I must be losing my mind! maybe someone here can relate or help me with some advice, I dont want to go back to that bad doctor, I am so afraid to die. Why wont this stop I feel like I am making myself ill, I google all my symptoms and yep they say nothing but cancer, etc. so I think I have convinced myself this is it, its just a matter of time before I get real sick and they tell the bad news.

Sorry for the long post, please if any one can help I would love to hear from anyone right now, i feel so hopeless.

[bluerose1981]

hi,

like you i suffer anxiety and its ****, i noticed your like me any little symptom you have it's something deadly, but please take it from me your not dying this is how anxiety plays with your head, i suffered anxiety for 4 years after my dad passed away with cancer i always thought i had it, but 6 years on and i'm alive, like you i have young kids and they need me, thats what turned it all around for me i was no good to them in that state i know its hard but it's something you have to learn to deal with cause once you can do that it slowly fades into the background, you have to learn to stay positive when horrible thoughts start to enter your head just try to hardest to push them to one side, there is not a quick cure but staying positive and active you will start to feel better, it took me 4 years and it was hard but yes anxiety can be beaten, anti-depressants only really cover up the problem you need to figure out what triggers your anxiety and look at a constructive way to deal with the situation, if you need someone to talk to or a bit of friendly advice just drop a note/message on my page, and please dont google your symptoms cause if you broke a nail it would come back cancer, if your worried about your health go to your gp even if its just for reasurance,

[crackedglass]

You're not alone. I wish I could say something profound to make you feel a bit better. I finally found my doctor when I met a very nervous, ditzy, warm, lovable lady at the pharmacy. The pharmacist was saying how no one liked my doctor, not other doctors, pharmicists, nurses or his patients. The lady, Lisa, said how she loved hers, so patient and calm...so I thought, hey, I'mnervous, ditzy, etc....so I went to him (luckily he was accepting new patients) and told him how I found my referral to him. That was over 2 years ago and he still laughs about it, but it worked well for me to find a person like myself, even by accident, then choosing her doctor
Years ago, before Google, there was Marcus Welby, MD on television. After each episode doctors would get innundated with calls claiming the exact symptoms of that last show...so they called it the Marcus Welby Syndrome.
Hang in there, take it a day at a time, or a minute at a time...you're not alone.

[azqtpies]

Thank you for reswponding actually thanks to all of you , I still suffer every day. I really do try and pull myself together, and I KNOW i have to face my fears and find out what all these symptoms are if  they are thryoid related again or something else. its that something else that absolutley paralizes me with fear!.

I find myself obsessed for feeling for lumps and I poke and prod intill I find one and then make it swell. I know I have health anxiety BAD!  I was never this bad before it has the past couple months skyrocketed.

I tryed to go  to a dr that I was referred to which happens to be my ob gyn doc brother but I call and they are  not taking any new patients! great just my luck!.... so I am not sure where to go and I wont see that other dr maybe I will go to his pac he was nice but he is under him, so I am so confused.

This is paralizing  mylife, I have zero interest in anything everyday is a battle to just function, all I think about it hearing I have something bad and it is increasing my anxiety and starting to trigger panic attacks. I do feel crazy , I feel like  I am falling apart from  the inside out! I hope to god this is all nothing serious! I pray and pray ,if anything for my kids.

like I had said I have no one to talk to my husband I think he thinks I am nuts everyone says aww your ok its all nothing... I dont sleep well at night anymore I feel like I cant breathe at night.. so I really need to go I just dont know where yet!

Thank you for taking time to respond, it helps to talk to people who understand! I try and post responses for people to help when i have been through certain ordeals. I have battled anxiety my whole life but NEVER like this before this is such a very differnt experience. P.S. I really try and not google , I agree it is horrible! but I guess sometimes I give in, when I know i shouldnt. self torture i suppose!

Thank u all
K

[Kat33333]

I can totally relate to how you feel.  I've been there, done that and it is horrible.  It's very difficult to find a good doctor who understands your symptoms.  Many of them don't get it.  I take ativan which really helps me, and one doctor actually told me I was like an alcholic only with pills.  I told him I did not drink at all and that my body was just made differently, and I never went back to see him again.  What a jerk!  Just keep trying to find a good doctor.  Do you have someone you trust who could possibly give you a referral? Also, are you taking an anti-depressant now?  Some anti-depressants can make you feel the exact way that you are feeling now.  Pristiq made me feel that way.  I took it for 3 1/2 weeks and finally figured out the problem.  I thought I was losing my mind.  I was extremely depressed, anxious, nauseous, and exhausted.  If I had been suicidal, I really think I might have killed myself.  It was a horrible experience.  It may just take finding the right anti-depressant for you.  That can take some time and it can be very frustrating.  I just started taking Elavil and it seems to really help anxiety.  So far, so good with it.  As far as feeling like you are sick with a serious, life-threatening illness, I think that it helps to avoid reading information about diseases that scare you.  And, if you have a good doctor that you can trust, that may help also.  You'll be more likely to trust the test results if you trust the doctor.  I have had many of the same feelings and I can say it is very frightening and it is very real in your mind.  I don't worry so much about getting sick anymore.  I totally avoid reading any information about illnesses that scare me.  I don't watch tv shows that talk about health issues that scare me.  That really helps me, and maybe it will help you too.  I really hope you feel better.  Take care.

Kat

[frue13]

well the first thing you need to do is check your thyroid levels everything you described that all comes with thyroid levels.  Even tho you are on meds (I am assuming) maybe they need increased or decreased.  You do not only have depression you have a pretty good case of anxiety and its health anxiety.   You need to go to a doc and get the full work up this is the only way to start to recover from health anxiety......

[azqtpies]

jakegorzen, thank you both,

No none one has done bllow only 15 months ago when I had my baby, i do suffer from thyroid problems, hashimotos etc.

I dont have a reg dr.. the one I tryed was aweful, so I am trying to look for another... I try and except the finding of the mammo and us but I dont understand why I keep thinking they can tbe right I still feel my nodes in my arm though they are small they feel firm, sometimes i can feel them. I have had a really drouth mouth since last month when my ob gave me a antibiotic which tore up my intestines which over a monthe to get better, I have no desire or interest to do anything. I am so afriad to have any test done as I fear the results.... I just cant bring myself to do it, when I can find a doctor.

I feel like I am a prisioner in my own mind....I try and stay strong infront of my kids but I feel like a mess inside I feel like I am truly falling apart, and dont know how  to fix it!

I have had nighmares in the past about dieing young and havng to tell me kids, I feel like I am starting to live that nightmare if that makes any sense. I dont think I have OCD I most certainly have a fear of having some incurable illness that I cant seem to get out of my mind.

As I write this I think you all must thnks I am nuts, I only open us because I am desperate for support, please I hope you all dont think I am truly a nut case just so lost right now and I dont know how to find my old self :(

[jakegorzen]

I see in your pic, a young baby, is it yours?  "Beautiful kids, by the way"

If so, do you think you could have some postpartum?
When did this all start?

Ativan didnt do much for me either, ask your Doctor about a low dose "dosed 2X" of Klonopin for a couple months to help you, "Make sure you taper off"

Looking up symptoms really does make it worse, best thing to do is play games everytime you get the "Urge" to look them up.
Swallon Lymph nodes are often the sign of infection, and all those cancers your reading about are pretty rare.
Has your DR done all the bloodwork and the whole shabang?
if not, have the DR DO THEM ALL,

O, infection can cause mental problems as well, so you never know.....might just be you have a little bacterial problem going on, and just needs to be treated with a course of antibiotics.

Whats your symptoms?

[silverberg]

Sorry to read whats going on, Please I say this with all concern, but please do not play Dr. do not google anything!! if you have a test done accept that it is correct! also remember you beating yourself up, does not help you at all and if you can't help yourself you can't help anyone! allow yourself to help yourself, see a Psych Dr. work on what's going on! and if you have to take meds to help you clear your mind then do it! this gives you the chance to work on what's going on! you have alot of support here!  please see a Dr. and get some help started! you are worth it, not only for your kids , BUT FOR YOU!!