Due to my heavy dosages of severe asthma medication, I have a high level of adrenaline which causes my anxiety and panic attacks. With my anxiety, I can feel people constantly watching me. They're always on my mind, and I see myself in a third person view when I go about my daily activities. My actions revolve around what I think these 'people' will think of me. Also, as I do my day to day activities, my mind creates scenarios of me with talking with the people in my current surroundings.
Another thing about this is, I live my life as my mind tells me to. According to my mind, the scenario is me, in an adoption, with the 'people' watching me through camera observing weather they like me or not. This almost imaginary version of me has there own traits, much like my own except there is more added to it. Like, the 'people' that are watching me are fairly well known in media, so I know a little about them; likes and dislikes. My brain takes this information the sculpt the 'perfect me' in my surroundings so they will like me.
I say outloud to myself 'Nobody's watching! Stop thinking that! Get over it!" to no dismay.
I'm a fourteen year old girl, and I feel embarrassed to talk about it with anyone else. I tried to go to the school councillor about it but she wasn't there. It's horrible. My imagination is controlling my life.
Another thing that may correlate with this is the fact that my mother is a heavy alcoholic. I think that maybe the combination of my anxiety and my bad at home life my cause my brain to do this as a coping mechanism, to sculpt my 'ideal life'. I'm really not sure, but help, please. I'm scared as this is the only life I've got to live I don't want to waste it living to an imaginary list of expectations that make me someone that I'm not.