I need help feel like I'm going crazy I'm scared

[James12772]

I'm 17 years old I was diagnosed with anxiety last year and I was receive cbt that helped a lot as I was having panic attacks and feeling of wanting to kill myself but I didn't it was just in my head i left the cbt early and didn't finish it all as I started a new job which was a big step for me unfortunately a few months ago I started getting anxiety back with thoughts like I was going to stab my grandad but I didn't want to he was the best person in my life I love him more than anything I was at the end of my bed all night crying I thinking I'm goin crazy I'm scared to take medication I'm now really scared to drink alcohol I've asked to go back to do cbt but they're not contacting me back I'm really scared and need help do you think I'm goin weird or is this just part of anxiety ?

[recoveringyogi]

Also! One last thing; If they are not getting back in touch with you, call your insurance (if you have it) and ask for a list of psychologists/therapists accepting new patients. :) If you don't have insurance, you can Google therapists in your area and see what their specialties are! Most therapists are well-versed in treating anxiety.

[Paxiled]

All people who suffer from anxiety or depression have intrusive thoughts -- that's what anxiety and depression are.  The thoughts that intrude are different with each individual, but thoughts of irrational fear are intrusive thoughts.  Most people don't get them.  As for insurance, most CBT practitioners don't take insurance -- in fact, almost none do.  Something to keep in mind, as there are a lot more therapists out there than you'd think if you only look at what's available through insurance.  

[recoveringyogi]

What you're dealing with is called "intrusive thoughts." (I had these when withdrawing from a medication, so I learned a bit about them from my therapist.) As crazy as it sounds, the fact that they're upsetting you is a good sign, because it means your rational mind is intact. As far as the thoughts go, they can TOTALLY be a byproduct of anxiety. Some people with anxiety - depending on the type of anxiety - do get intrusive thoughts of that nature (hurting themselves/others) and some of them get intrusive thoughts that are very much "what if something bad happens to me?" I get the second type, the what ifs, but it sounds like you're dealing with both. I'm so sorry! CBT can be really helpful in learning how to cope with these. In short; no, you're not going crazy and yes, it's JUST anxiety! I hope you hear back from the therapist(s) soon