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Avatar universal

I thought it was Anxiety but it turned out to be far FAR worse, now don't know what to do, doctor has told me i may die!!

Hi everyone, I was hesitant to write this as I know there will be people on here who have health anxiety and what I have to write may not help if they read this, but I feel I don't have any other way of releasing this pain and fear I have right now, I seriously need some support!

Ok, so I have suffered from anxiety for a long time, roughly 7 or 8 years now.  Can't take anti-d's as they attack my nervous system and so I have used various other methods to try and control the symptoms but nothing has totally helped.  Within this time I have been pretty poorly, always sick with various ailments but my GP always told me it was anxiety related and just threw another med at me, but i have always thought it was something more, always tried to tell the doc's that I was not being a hypochondriac and to take notice but they didn't listen, or would send me to have a basic blood test which would only show low iron levels and they put this down to why I was feeling so tired, weak, breathless etc.... Yeah understandable i guess! But even with Iron tablets I was having trouble and after a month or so of stopping them my iron level would drop again....

Anyway, over the last several months i started to get pain in my breasts just before my monthly period, went doc and she told me it was hormonal, so stopped worrying about it and basically lived with it, then a couple of months ago decided to do a thorough breast examination, everything seemed fine but then I squeezed my nipples, like told to, and found a greeny, brown discharge coming out of both.  Went doc and straight away they sent me to the hospital for an x-ray and referred me over to the specialists.... The x-ray showed i had a shadow in not just both my breasts but also in my lungs.  They admitted me that day.  I was terrified beyond belief, they needed to sedate me at one point as i went into a panic attack that grew totally out of control and i was literally suffocating in front of the medical staff, so they knocked me out.

They did a load of tests and found I had several tumours in my chest that had spread through into the breast tissue and this is what was causing the pain just b4 my period as the breast would swell causing pressure around the ducts where the tumours were.  

They did a biopsy of one of the tumours in my lung and it is cancer but they found something very surprising to them while they examined the tissue, they found asbestos fibres.  It turned out I have asbestos fibres in both lungs which has caused the cancer and this cancer has spread to both my breasts.  Had both my breasts removed, and am on a high level of chemo.  All my hair is gone and feels like I want to die but have a child so I have to hold on, but now the doc's are saying that they think I seriously need a lung transplant as the asbestos has caused far too much damage......

He has also told me that without one i have less than 2 months to live.... I'm so utterly weak and, well, i write this from my hospital bed, I just hope and pray that I manage to get a donor but I’m so saddened as for me to get a chance for life someone needs to die.  

I'm drugged up most of the day as my anxiety levels are sky high, I pray to God all day long and ask him what lesson is being learnt from this, why this has happened..... I guess that’s part of the reason I’m writing this on here to you all to read, because if writing this helps save another person then in a way it has been worth it all.  

How did I get infected with asbestos?  Well it was from knocking a hole in the wall during decorating my home, I didn't wear a mask while disturbed a patch of asbestos, didn't know that was what it was, but it all flew up into my face and I was there doing work for a couple of weeks.......... My death sentence!  

Strange as after this happened for a couple of years I kept coming down with these unexpected flu type illnesses, would be totally wiped out for a week at a time, sweat beyond belief, so poorly!  Never went docs for this, just thought it was me being unlucky and catching everything I came into contact with.  Then the anxiety started BIG time, it mostly came out of breathing problems and the feeling of weakness, which I couldn’t shake.   Would be walking along the road and suddenly come over weak, breathless and start to panic because i had no where to rest, developed agoraphobia because of this. Plus the doctor said that my body was producing extra adrenaline in those moments to keep me from collapsing, he said that my body was actually protecting itself even though it really felt like i was going to die.
I have some friends and family around me but I’m too afraid to show what I’m truly feeling inside as i see their faces and it’s hard enough for them to keep it together, we are all trying to act like everything is going to be ok when in reality i may not make it.

I just would like two things from anyone who reads this, first please, please make sure that you get a full check over, go to your doctor and make sure you are healthy! This is hell, what I am going through, all the needles, drugs, operations, tears.  Plus second, LIVE LIFE TO THE FULL, don’t sit and wonder what if i had done that, said that, and ate that...JUST DO IT!  Have fun!  You only get one shot at this life and once it is gone, it is gone forever no getting it back.  I wish that i had done things so very differently.  If i get a second chance i’m going to grasp it with both hands and live a life like never before....... but right now all i can say is i am scared!
If ytou have come this far then thank-you for reading this, it may turn out to be the last thing i write.... God bless you all and may you all have a wonderful life!
9 Responses
Avatar universal
I am so sorry!!  But I'm glad you wrote because too often the doctors brush off our symptoms as anxiety. Although we tell people to always rule out medical issues first before assuming it is anxiety, we shouldn't have to do their jobs, they should exhaust every avenue before diagnosing anxiety.  Your story is very sad, but you have given us wonderful advice, and knowledge.  I know you're scared sweetie, and I will pray every day that you get a lung.  Is there anyone in your family who is compatible to donate one?
Are you having your family network thru friends to find one?  Sorry, I know answering questions is not what you need right now, just take those as ideas.  I know what you are feeling, I lost a son because of medical negligence, and it brings up a lot of anger because it should not have happened.  Thank you for sharing your story, I know it is difficult but you may be saving a lot of lives with your advice.  You can talk to us anytime, or write privately, we care and will help in any way we can. Keep your hope, you may just get that lung.  Big hugs to you, and God Bless.
480448 tn?1426952138
Wow.  I'm so very sorry for all you are going through, I can't imagine how hard it must be.

For a minute, I'd just like to address why your case is rare...which may help those anxiety sufferers who are reading this scared to death...thinking that for SURE there must be something fatally wrong with them, and the doctor's missed it.

For one, you DID seek medical treatment many times, and the doctors worked you up for the most common, sensible things that would match your symptoms.  Of course, that's what medicine is all about.  Your unfortunate situation occured because the doctors would have never looked for Mesothelioma because you weren't at high risk. Now, had you been a construction worker...someone who was potentially exposed through obvious means, the medical professionals would have likely worked you up for that.  A small home remodel project like you described, while it obviously placed you at risk, is not the norm when it comes to this disease.

Therefore, while I would NEVER say that doctors are never wrong, or that they never miss something...it's also important to note that if someone DOES have a medical condition with accompanying symptoms....most times, through a diagnostic work up, it will be detected.  There will always be rare cases, and situations where something like this happens, and it is tragic.

I also have always said that a person should rule out a physical cause first before looking into anxiety....and if a person feels "dismissed" by their doctor, with everything being attributed to Anxiety when symptoms persist, then he/she should seek a second opinion.  But, there also has to be balance.  If a person has been to every specialist under the sun, and put thru a battery of tests and there is STILL nothing medically wrong  found...then it may be time to try to accept anxiety as the diagnosis and work to treat it.  The medical field will never be perfect....and largely, it is built on faith...faith on your doctor, faith in the technology, faith in the equipment, etc etc.  It's a difficult balance for someone with anxiety....to feel comfortable in what the doctor is telling him/her...and to finally get to a place where it is accepted that anxiety is the problem.

So, while I certainly feel terribly that this happened to you....it is not anywhere NEAR typical or the "norm".  It was a very unfortunate situation, one that has left you very ill, and very scared.  I sincerely wish you the best, and hope you are able to recover.  We're here if you would like to try to work through the anxiety and fear you have.  Sometimes even just "venting" to people who aren't directlyinvolved in your life makes all the difference in the world!

Take Car!
480448 tn?1426952138
Just a little transplant trivia...

Lung transplants differ from other organs (ie kidney) in that a live donation would require at least two people (or more).  Doctors would take only a segment of each donor's lung, and put them together to make a whole lung.  Therefore, finding a live donor isn't nearly as "easy" with a lung transplant.  There would have to be more thanone person, who all are a match.  Usually with lung transplants, a deceased donor is the norm.  A person isn't able to donate a whole lung.  
968908 tn?1274874715
Goodness, i am too so extremely sorry for all that you are going through, it must be so tough and i just can imagine how totally scared you are.  Please accept a massive hug from me.  Just so you know you can write to me any time, i will be here for you to vent and you can scream, shout, swear,  maybe it will help to release some frustration that must be consuming you right now.

I do hope that you manage to get the lung transplant you need and i wish you all the luck in the world.  God bless to you and please realise that you can come on here anytime and someone, i'm sure, will be here for you. I can understand how your friends and family are trying to be strong for you and ur trying to be strong for them and no one wants to show their true emotions in fear of opening up the flood gates or upsetting anyone.  

Take care and God bless to you hun, may God shine down upon you and give you all the strength you need to pull through this terrible time. x
Avatar universal
I just wanted to say i am very sorry if i have scared anyone on this site, that was not my intention.  I felt i needed to share my story with people who, i felt, would be supportive and caring, as this is what i need right at this moment in time.

If anyone has reacted badly to reading this i do apologise and i just want to say that my case is VERY rare and the majority of doctors are thorough and do not miss anything so serious.

Also thank-you to Mammo, Nursegirl and Julie for answering my post, it is nice to know that i have been heard and that i have people to talk to if i need to, so thank-you again, you all really do not know what this means to me.

So, i will love you and leave you for the moment, am very tried and drugged up so going to have a nap and hopefully feel a little better after i wake.  Take care and chat soon.
968908 tn?1274874715
I don't think you need to apologise for your post, you needed to get this off your chest and so you did what you felt was right, i mean how can you get the support you so need at the moment without telling your story how it is. So if anyone attacks you for speaking out trust me i will back you up, you are at a time in your life where you do need only positive supportive people contacting you and being around you and nothing otherwise.

I hope you manage to get some good quailty rest and wake feeling stronger.  Plus do not worry about anything regarding this web-site, both medhelp are here to protect you and us members who actually care.  You too take care and chat very soon hopefully.  x
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