I'm getting more depressed and anxious because I feel like I'm failing my parents.

[StarStuff18]

I am a 20 year old girl who finished her Alevels last year. My parents have always wanted me to become a doctor and every since I started getting hold of myself, I've just heard one thing and that is that I am supposed to be a doctor. And I tried. I am a brilliant student and I've always done well in science subjects like chemistry, bio and physics. But I've always had to put in a little more effort. I have great grades but when I appeared for my entrace exams for medical schools like MCAT, I was taken aback because I did not do well at all. I was very disheartened and very stressed out about the whole situation because every single person was expecting me to do amazingly on the test. Especially my parents. So I took a gap year even though I did not want to take it at all. Instead I wanted to pursue what I really really wanted to do, psychology. But I still went for a gap year to appear for the test again and now, it went worse than the last time. It's even hard for me to believe that I'm not able to do good on it even though I'm a great student. Maybe it's because I don't want to do it at all because becoming a doctor requires a lot of nerves and dedication and I just get scared of that. And my interest lies more in arts and psychology. And now, I feel like I've let my parents down so much. I've disappointed them after all that they did for me. It's so hard to even look them in the eye and talk to them. I don't know what to do. I've been feeling horrible since a year now and it's just eating me up from the inside and out. I already have depression and anxiety issues. And Everytime I sat down to study for the entrance exam, I felt like crying because the anxiety would just reach new heights, making me tremble and sweat and what not. I know that i can be a great doctor. But I just don't want to. I want to do something in which I feel free and can excel way more. How should I make myself feel better?

[Paxiled]

You've answered your own question, haven't you?  If you don't want to be a doctor, what makes you think you'd be a good one, let alone a great one?  Most people do what they do for a living just for the money, and that's the real reason your parents want you to be a doctor no matter what they say.  Otherwise, they'd let you decide for yourself, which no matter what you do is what's going to happen anyway -- if you become a doctor, you're going to be the doctor, not your parents, so they're really factually irrelevant in this discussion.  My own belief is that standardized tests are pretty useless for anything but arbitrarily deciding who gets into the best schools and who doesn't -- grades are a much better predictor of success in school -- but success in school has nothing to do with success in a profession.  I didn't do very well on my LSAT exam so I've been where you are -- everyone decided being a lawyer was my best thing to do and they were probably right, I was really good at it.  I went to a school beneath my abilities for my first year, came in near the top of the class, and transferred to one of the top schools in the country and still came out near the top of the class.  Anxiety got in the way of being a lawyer, but still, I didn't really try very hard.  I didn't really want to be one.  I was just good at it.  I lasted just under two years as a lawyer and went back to writing and managing health food stores because I was an avid environmentalist, so as I said, I can identify.  And truly, psychologists make a very good living and it's a whole lot easier to do.  You have to follow your own path eventually, right?  When you're a doctor, your parents won't be there cheering, it will be you and your patient and your ambivalence.  So think it out very hard and decide what you really want to do and if it's not being a doctor then that's just the way life rolled for you.  Your parents will still love you, and if they don't, why would you care about them at that point?  Peace.