I feel that I am lost. For my whole life, especially now, I always felt that something was really missing. I got really depressed in high school, and I have always doubted that I had any kind of genetic disorder, or one that I developed over time. Just recently, I was wondering "what the hell is wrong with me and how can I end this? (not as in suicide)". My parents can seem very "weird", so it may come from that (they came from a time where these illnesses weren't widely aware of).
I've always wanted to be a social, respectable person, but things just kept getting in the way. I got so depressed, that all I did was sleep during class for some of grade 10 (I also got into a lot of trouble with the law this year), and most of grade 11 (got in trouble with the law again, this time it was not as bad). I started skipping a lot at the beginning of grade 12 (which I currently am completing), and started smoking marijuana.
I went to some doctors/therapists, and the only things I ever got out of that was "he has depression", or "he has ADHD", I KNOW THAT, I'M NOT RETARDED! I've also heard Tourettes syndrome, the only actual "surprise" diagnosis. I was prescribed to Paxil (I believe) one time, and I THINK it did have some sort of a positive impact, but that was a really long time ago (I have also taken various ADHD and anti-depressant/anxiety medications, which I am off of now).
Well, I just found a Personality Disorder Test that I found to be quite good (don't get me wrong, these things usually aren't too accurate, but in this situation I feel I am right). I answered all of the questions from this test as honestly as possibly could, even if I didn't knowthe EXACT answer. I kept going through the test to see if anything was wrong, and eventually got tired of that and just clicked Next. This is what came out, and it really shocked me:
Actually, the results are a bit different now, but still average out the same pretty much to my knowledge:
Disorder Rating Information
Histrionic: Very High
Before, I believe that Schizotypal was Very high, and Histrionic was High. As I was reading some of these conditions on Wikipedia, some of them really got me deep down. Is there something wrong with me?
Sorry if any of this doesn't make any sense, if I am true in this sense, than it only proves how ****ed up I am...