Hiya, well like u I've suffered from anxiety a long time, I initally had a breakdown when I was 19, am now 37, so seems like forever. When I was 22 I was put on Paxil or generic name paroxatine. For about 4 days after starting it my anxiety worsened a great deal but suddenly settled and without even realising it my anxiety started to fade. I just got on with life but what I did find and I wonder if it had anything to do with the paxil is, that I would constantly come down with fevers at least 4 times a year. I never went doctors due to them, they would last two days or so of me being totally wiped out and sweating so much my blankets were soaked. But once it was over I just again got on with life. Before the paxil I could barely go anywhere and I was extremely socially withdrawn but I found I became far more outgoing and started traveling places, my life in that respect seemed normal. Then after several years of being on them I noticed I started to have outragous rages of temper, really scary in your face, smashing everything up outbursts. Even started to physcially attack my partner not just with myself but anything I could lay my hands on. I would become very aggressive to somone who barged me in the street or on a bus and there were times my temper sky rocketed and I literally in those moments wanted to kill that person. I became really scared of who I was becoming as this really isn't me at heart, I'm a fun loving peaceful, just wana help people kinda person, goodness I hate even to kill a bug as I see its life as precious and here I was a total monster.
Well I stayed on paxil until 2yrs ago in March, it took several months to ween off and I had a real hard time as I use to get the worst head shocks and disorentation, my doc eventually gave me valium to help calm my nervous system and get me off of it. Eventually I managed to ween from it but within a very short space of time my panic attacks restarted so my doctor tried to put me back on the paxil and on the 5th day of taking them my body went into the biggest and longest panic episode I have ever had, I've since been told it was akathesia, I couldn't sit down, I couldn't keep still, my anxiety was beyond sky high. It felt like someone had attached an electicity supply to my spinal cord and was jolting me with surges. I told my doctor after it happened that if I had of had a gun I would of blown my brains out that day as it was way beyond intense. It was pure and utter torture!!! So of course my doctor stopped me from taking it and well, cut a long story short, I have been in search of coping strategys ever since. I am nearly house bound agoraphobic with panic disorder and general anxiety, which is all far worse than before I started paxil. I cope by keeping a routine of healthy diet, meditation, relaxation, keeping life as peaceful as possible and by leaning on God. I do take medication still a beta-blocker and valium when needed and have undergone finally CBT therapy, which I found useful.
So there u have it...
Also interestingly I no longer have the fevers or the intense outbursts of temper. Even though I suffer bad nerves I laugh and joke about far more than when I was on paxil. It gave me freedom but took away my abilty to make people laugh, I became a fraction of my true self personailty wise and only now can I see that. I may of lost my freedom again but in a strange way I feel more true to myself and open.
Hi. We all respond differently when it comes to medications for GAD, what one experiences on a particular medication may not be another's experience. It's often trial and error, but once we find the right one....it's well worth it! Don't beat yourself up for needing medication, rarely can we beat this on our own. Don't get caught up in because it's a mental issue that you should be able to handle it on your own, it's rarely the case. You need to realize that anxiety can be like any other medical condition requiring medication every day to control the symptoms, and that's okay. I've been on several medications through the years with excellent results, only switching when my body built up a tolerance to the mediaction I was on. This happens, and can take years, but eventually most people build up a tolerance to the medication they're taking and need to be switched to another. Medication gave me my life back, and unfortunately you rarely hear all the good stories on the forums, but they far outweigh the bad. Therapy is always a good way to go, especially in dealing with the loss of your dad, which is a life altering event. Talking to a professional about this can help you cope better and think differently which will help your anxiety. There are many medications to help with the OCD, and I feel you will be much better off combining therapy and medication. Therapy can be a lengthy process, and medication can help you through this time and beyond if needed. To sum it up, I wouldn't be here if not for medication after losing my son. Therapy taught me to deal with smaller issues in my life, but did nothing for the loss of my son. The medication gave me my life back, and to be a happier, funtioning person. I hope this helps and wish you all the best.
hi, so sorry your having problems with meds. when i have bad anxiety i take klonopin/ativan. they really help me i will not take the ssri like pax and others . they go throught your brain and i dont want that. klonopin is a long term med and ativan is a short term it works very fast for the panic attacks. they are both addicted and you have to be very careful of over taking them. check into them. i had no side affects from them but i also was not on them a long time.
Hi. You tried for a long time on your own and that is amazing! I love that you tried to avoid medications and really gave it a good try, but I also love that you are willing to say I need some help.
In truth, my experience was not a good one, but I have to admit I am one of the rare ones.
There are some things you can try first if you want, but you have to do what is best for you.
I would suggest seeing an intergrated doctor if possible. They are real doctors, but they look into nutritional deficiencies and check for heavy metals, thyroid etc... They also try natural things to deal with the anxiety, but remember, just because its natural does not mean there are no side effects. There is also a good program out there but I am not allowed to post the link, but if you message me I can give you the information. All that said, if you have done all you can and the bottom line is you need medications, then I am not sure looking up the medications and their side effects would be a good idea. However, if you have any other health issues, you probably should. (ie.. heart rythm issues, or taking other meds).
We all wish you well and keep us informed on what you decide and how its going.
Thanks a bunch for the responses so far. I've just been so so scared to get started. Mostly for the fear of having a horror story testimonial but a little bit for the stigma too. I always had to be the first and the best at everything (I know, perfectionist tendencies! I'm working on that with my counselor). I find it pretty hilarious that the idea of taking meds makes me cringe with anxiety. If I could look into a crystal ball and know everything will be alright then sure, but it's the horror stories that stick in my head the most. Plus I lived with hippies for five years and I hate the nature of big pharm so there is a distrust along with the fear that comes naturally and with GAD.
The only thing I haven't tried is meditation. Funny perhaps but I've been so afraid of my brain with all this anxiety and OCD that it's been a fear I'll look into myself and see a crazy person and then go the rest of the way crazy. I know it's not true but a powerful deterrent to start meditating. I feel in my heart it's the right thing to do though and am currently attempting to create a log book to make it more official.
Anyway. I'm going to try it I am pretty sure. Something always stops me from heading into the doctors office but I'm really gearing up to make myself cross that thresh hold. Any more personal stories or thoughts would be sweet.
@Julie359, have you tried meditation? I mean, truly gotten down and dirty with it?