Long time paxil user looking for advice. Long post.

[Casey1231]

Hi all.  I am a 49 year old female who has been on paxil for almost 20 years.  When pregnant with my first son, about 18 years ago, I weaned off it over a few weeks and did okay.  Granted I had only been on it a few years at that time.  Due to recurrence of anxiety I went back on it before he was born and have been on it every since.  Was doing very well for years at a low dose of 10mg.  Then in early 40s started feeling more anxiety which I think was related to hormonal changes.  Tried to get off paxil and it was epic disaster.  Found out how hard it is to get off it so tried again weaning super slowly with liquid paxil.  Still felt very sick, anxious, crazy, you name it.  Took 1 dose of lexapro and felt so hyper and stimulated that it made the situation worse.  Decided to stay on the 10mg of paxil, and although it took months, I started to feel "normal" again.  I should add that I don't drink, don't smoke, gave up caffeine, go to therapy, and am generally very healthy.  But prior to going on paxil way back when I had a severe anxiety/panic problem that was torture without meds.  I have also been diagnosed with fibromyalgia but I have managed to live pretty well with that through healthy living, yoga, paxil, eating well, etc.

So here is my current situation.  At 49, I am having lots of hormonal changes which seem to result in greater mood swings as well as physical symptoms such as fatigue, joint and muscle pains, GI symptoms, etc.  I have come to terms with the fact that getting off paxil is probably impossible for me.  Although this has angered me intensely in the past, I have made some peace with the fact that in 20 years on paxil I have raised kids, worked as an emergency room nurse, am now in grad school, and have maintained 20 years of sobriety.  Prior to paxil I was a hot mess.  So even though it ***** and I was told it was non-addictive, I believe that it helped me for a very long time and to some extent still may.  My OB/GYN doctor advised me to go up to 15 or 20mg, since 10 is such a low dose, but when I have tried that in the past I felt depressed, flat affect, and had no sex drive, all of which are unacceptable to me.  Other SSRI's are too stimulating and have left me feeling hellaciously anxious after one dose (this has happened with prozac and lexapro.)

It has been suggested to me that I try to add lamictal in addition to the paxil, and I am contemplating it.  It has also been suggested to me to switch from paxil to cymbalta, as cymbalta will help with all the aches and pains more than the paxil.  But I am literally TERRIFIED to change meds as I have had such difficult experiences in the past.  I do have klonopin that I can take as needed, but I'm so afraid of addiction to another med that I have taken like one in the past two years.  I practice lots of meditation, yoga, and other therapeutic practices.  But my body is just wired in a certain way, and I need some pharmaceutical help as well.

If anyone has read through this long-winded post, thank you!  I hope it made sense.  I am a nurse and am extremely nonjudgmental of anyone but when it comes to me I have a weird sense that I should be able to kick this paxil thing and feel somewhat ashamed that I cannot.  I need meds and deeply fear them at the same time.  I'm not sure if anyone can relate or has any experience or hope to share, but I welcome any feedback.  I have come so far over the years with this and now I feel frustrated and kind of depressed and hopeless.  Thank you for listening.

[Paxiled]

After 11 years of it, I'm afraid my brain just couldn't recover.  But I do appreciate the kind words.

[Casey1231]

Thanks for your response. I'm sorry for your situation. For what it's worth, I know two people who cold turkeyed off Paxil and suffered for years and are now recovered. Don't give up hope. Our thoughts are powerful as well and create chemical changes. I hope you find some peace as soon as possible.

[Paxiled]

I wish I could help you, but my own experience is one of permanent withdrawal after tapering off Paxil -- my psychiatrist was too dumb to tell me it was withdrawal and never put me back on Paxil, and then it was too late.  So can't help you there, my life has been destroyed completely be stopping the Paxil without having been warned by anyone about the potential consequences.  But I would be careful about the Cymbalta suggestion -- if Prozac was too stimulating, then consider Cymbalta, which targets norepinephrine as well as serotonin, and the former is basically adrenaline.  As for your pains, if it truly is due to hormonal changes, I'd recommend you look into natural methods of dealing with this.  If you don't know natural medicine, there are plenty of books about it and you can see a naturopath -- many plants are natural hormone balancers.  If that works and you're right about the cause, then you're back to where you want to be.  While Cymbalta is now approved for pain relief, it doesn't actually reduce pain, it just makes people not care as much, and the snri category has as much problems with stopping when the drug conks out as Paxil does.  So again, I'd think long and hard before I did that route.  As for going up in dose on the Paxil, these drugs do conk out, and you are at a very low dose, so if you're convinced you're one of many who just can't stop this drug, you might consider going up in dose now that you're older and have been on it a long time to where it might be conking out.  Good luck.