Dude, you sound almost exactly like me. The only difference is that my anxiety was nearly all the time rather than in as big of waves as yours. To be sure, mine did come in waves too, just of smaller magnitude. I have all the symptoms of General Anxiety Disorder. You may be more on the panic disorder side. No one knows/knew I have it though as I live a normal life on the surface. Everything you describe is me pretty much. Therefore I feel like I can comment here.
Are you able to be honest with your new partner about your behavior pattern? What you need is extra time to get used to the newness. Most humans don't like change, but people like us are hyper sensitive to change and certain changes affect us terribly when others aren't affected at all. Starting relationships is the poster event for this. I've found that I need time to come to terms with what's happening, with fears that materialize in my head, with adjusting to partnering with someone, to sexual intimacy, to emotional baring and all that good stuff.
Anyway, I'm going to cut to the chase. After eleven years of trying to go it alone, of quitting all things bad for me, starting yoga, swimming, everything, I finally broke down and tried some drugs. I started on celexa and now I'm on lexapro and I feel like a million bucks. I lost jobs because of my anxiety. Suddenly I have a city career job. I'm dating three or four beautiful women who have always been just outside my perceived league now, and i'm incredibly anxiety free and happy. I thought I'd never say those words again, but I am. I'm so happy and relieved. It really is a chemical imbalance. I had no side effects from the celexa the three months I was on that. I'm on my fifth week of lexapro and the only effect is that I can't orgasm very easily. I can sense that that won't last long. I just need to adjust. A small price to pay for feeling amazing. Talk to you doctor about an SSRI. I was scared and anit-pharm for a decade. Imagine the positive stuff that would have occurred n my life had I started years ago.
Best of luck.
Cheers mate, im really pleased to read all of this. One of my main issues is that i start to fear upcoming events when really i'd love to embrace them and look forward to the fun stuff that should be going on in my life. I over analyse a new relationship rather than just going with the flow. When im on form i think im quite funny and fit into most social circles but when im in an anxious state of mind im not at all the person i want to be and beat myself up inside over this. The heart palpitation thing really frustrates me too.
Are you taking a mild dose of lexapro? Has this transformed the way you feel when you wake up each day?
Think i need a trip to my doctors!
Man, it really is a chemical imbalance I'm telling you. I didn't want to believe for ten years. I wake up in the morning feeling amazing. I did the same crap you did with new relationships, everything in my life really. I had this feeling of impending doom and fear nearly all the time (in waves of intensity of course) Now I'm not like that. I still have relationship fears to get over, but they're the normal ones everyone has. Being on celexa or lexapro or whatever will help that so much. My problem now is I don't know who to choose!!! I feel that awesome about myself suddenly. Keep me posted.
Ive been looking into it more and have seen some good reviews. Infact since recieving your last mail ive had an invite from the person im dating to a big party where i'll be introduced to all her friends. Rather than worrying about this i want to feel great about it and go and make a good impression.
How long did it take for the lexapro to kick in?
I feel quite inspired already. Want to kick this gut nervousness into touch!
Thanks for your comments by the way :)
I think each person is a bit different and I did have different feelings starting each one, but then again my life was in different modes during the beginning of each pill so I don't know if it was the nature of my stresses or the effects of the pills that made the difference. With Celexa, I felt calmer and more stressless in like four or five days. In about a week the constant feelings of impending doom were gone. With the Lexapro, I actually had two or three days of some pretty weird feelings that I did not like at all. It was a slightly altered version of the anxiety I already have but kinda scared me because I knew it was from the Lexapro. After five or six days I felt pretty rad though and after that it's been smooth sailing. I still have insomnia issues for some reason, but I don't trip out at night, I'm merely awake. It's like my anxiety never happened for the most part and I'm able to move past all the moments anxiety would've crippled me and into the life I've desired all along but been too scared to manifest. What we desire the most, we fear the most could be an anxiety persons tag line.
Thanks buddy, im going to try Lexapro and see what the results are. Im a realist so know everyone acts a little differently to things but hopefully i will have similar results to you. I will keep you updated on how it goes :)
Good luck picking from the 4 ladies.....made me chuckle!