I have never participated in boards like this before. Am I in the right place? My issues are immense right now. If you can suggest a better website for me I would greatly appreciate it.
Unemployed for nearly 5 years even though I have a BS in Computer SCience. I am 59 years old. I have a house but I am in debt up to my eyeballs and now am out of all money except what I can steal from the equity in the house - which is a terrible idea but I have nothing else except some 401Ks which are the only thing I haven't touched. I should sell the house but have nowhere else to go.
All my family has passed away except my brother with whom I do not get along. I have a great and very patient girlfriend who has a 10 year old soon. She has been extremely patient with this situation but the strains are beginning to show. If I don't get a job soon I fear I will lose them and they are all that is good in my life. She lives and works an hour away. I'd like to marry her but would you marry me now? She is not offering her home as a place for us to live until she is sure I am stable, employed and not a financial drain. Don't blame her.
I feel hopeless and have self diagnosed anxiety disorder and panic attacks. Sleepless nights, sweats, racing heart, fuzzy headedness, can't concentrate. Embarassed to be in this position. My last job was well paid and high level. Now I can't get an interview - thousands of resumes and scores of networking events over 5 years and I have had maybe 3 interviews. Tried to start a business - lost more money.
To top it off, it hasn't been a great decade - divorced in 2006, lost a lot of money there too. Took care of my mother for 6 years while she was in her 80's. She had a history of depression and After Dad's passing she tried an overdose. I had her in and out of psych and regular hospitals for 6 years. I was the only kin she had and took on her finances, meds, doctors and all else. At the same time I balanced I high visibility, High stress job and a crumbling marriage.
I was a middle manager 6 years ago and haven't worked since. Nobody's hiring middle managers and my skills are waning and the technology scene has changed so radically that I am now unemployable it seems. I only have a couple months before my financial bubble completely bursts. Just looking at a job board causes panic attacks and sweating and the attack goes on for hours. When I do apply, I hear nothing and am only left to believe that I am excluded for my age or my skills or just the plain fact that nobody wants to hire somebody who has not held a job for 5 years.
I tried meds once but they made the symptoms worse - screaming into my pillow every night. Oh, and my insurance ***** and does not cover any mental issues, besides the deductible is $10,000 even though I am paying $500 premium per month.
Anyway, as you can see as I said my life is a mess.I have absolutely no one to talk to about any of this. I have to hide the elephant in the room with my girlfriend because if I try to talk about what I am feeling we end up arguing and then I have a panic attack followed by 2 weeks of anxiety symptoms - pounding heart, extremely sensitive stomach, fuzzy headed , no sleep. - nonstop - while hiding the symptoms as much as possible - going to family movies, celebrating birthdays while being completely absent and caught up in my own head. I exercise but still you can see the strain on my face and I'm dreading the next interview as I'll probably sweat buckets and freeze up from anxiety only to be told I don't match requirements or I am Overqualified/Old.
I seriously doubt anybody read all this and even more seriously doubt there will be any advice other than see a professional - which I can't afford anyway.
There's more but I'm sure this is enough for now. Help - Any ideas?
I am sorry to hear all that you are going through and pray that you get back on track real soon.
For the record, you posted in The Substance Abuse community and I did not see where you had a problem with drugs?? I reported the post and hopefully it will be moved to the correct community for you.
Hang in there and keep your chin up. there is always hope.