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OCD Behavior is Out of Control

Hello Dr. Grossbart,
I've had OCD for all my adulthood.  I will be 45 years old this year, and instead of it getting better, it has worsen especially the past year.  I have at least a dual diagnosis too...Bipolar II (hypomania) and was told that I may suffer from Borderline Personality Disorder.  The situation that I am facing, is that I avoid a particular 7-Eleven because of guilt associated with what happened there...this was back in 2003 and it still controls my life.  I actually don't have much of a life because I am severly debiliated.  I am on permanent disability since I am unable to function at work.  My therapist who is LCSW and Teacher, tells me the only way I will get better is to face the situation, exposure response therapy (ERP), but I've done this in the past and ended up in inpatient hospital for 10 days which was voluntarily on my part.  I've addressed my fears, and my therapist doesn't empathize or sympathize with me.  He told me he only believes in Science and that I could only get better in the long run, which I understand is true, but what happens once I've done the ERP and how I am suppose to cope?  He says he'll be there for me, but I am very scared.  Any suggestions?
Thank you so very much for your time and help!
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1592402 tn?1299203902
The fact of the matter is what you're doing now isn't working. You have nothing to lose!...except maybe your life. But, please don't take that. Lol. I understand how hindering these conditions can be. I've been diagnosed with all kinds of ****. Some I believe, some I don't. Anyways, there comes a time when science fails and common sense needs to take over. You know what ERP is? It's called facing your fears. Everyone who grows has to do it at some point and you can't grow until you do it as well. If you need to, bring someone with you when you do it! Or better yet....move far away and start over! Who says you need to go back to that 7-11 to get over what happened? That's ********. There's no certainty in these kinds of things. You get over it when you decide you are ready to get over it. One day you're going to have to wake up and decide you're ******* tired of being scared all the time. I know it sounds harsh or like I don't understand. I've been there and that hopeless, helpless, lifeless feeling is to this day the worst thing I've ever felt. It really IS fixeable! I promise! But, you gotta do it.
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Avatar universal
I hear and know what you're saying is true...but I've had this crazy disorder before I was 20 years old and back then they didn't have the same therapy and meds that we do now.  I've done ERP back in 2003 and ended up being hospitalized so I have a legitimate reason for my fears.   You are very smart and knowledgeable for your age!!!  You appear to be very strong and I have no doubt that you will be able to overcome anything you put your mind to...I only wish that I received the CBT & ERP therapies during the onset of OCD!!!  I was a freak and didn't know why I did what I was doing...nobody did...I was having a nervous breakdown.  But in my suffering I learned a lot about my disorder and used the coping skills that aquired through therapy, support group, and OCD Clinic at Stanford University.  I've been able to hold down full-time jobs at very prestigous companies, but now that I've gotten older --- going on 45 yrs old, it has worsen.  So, I am doing what I can on a slower pace.  Thanks again for sharing and providing your insight. All the Best, Carla
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