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535294 tn?1219930112

On My Own.....

Well, my husband has left for South Korea...have no idea when I might get a chance to talk to him or email. He's going to be working in a pretty remote area. I am trying to keep busy at work today which is actually helping, but not looking forward to going home to my empty house.

I didn't sleep well at all last night, and when I finally thought I was about there...it was 4am and time to get him out the door to catch an early flight. I am exhausted, physically and mentally and think I'll probably just go right to bed when I get home. I do that sometimes, when my anxiety level is high..I just go to bed and hopefully fall asleep and then I don't have to think about whatever it is that has me anxious. Probably a cowardly way to deal with it...escapism I suppose. But sometimes I'm happy for whatever works.

I am not looking forward to the long holiday weekend....but probably can't sleep through the whole thing either. Maybe I'll just stay here in the forum. :-))
17 Responses
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Avatar universal
Sorry to hear that. There must be someone you can link up with.  It's difficult i know.  Do you belong to any clubs or activities e.g the local gym or a Yoga class?   I imagine you have already considered that.

We have travelled around a lot because of Mike's job (he's a senior process engineer)and everywhere we go, we have to start afresh.  The good news is we now have wonderful friends in a lot of different places!  sad when you have to leave them though.  We have an 18yr old Daughter who lives at home so i'm lucky.  She has plans to go back to New Zealand (we used to live there) and it will break my heart when she goes.

Do you know how often Michael can contact you?  You seem to have a lot of love between you.  That helps so much when you are apart.  How long has he been doing these trips?

Mike has just returned from one week (short trip) in Istanbul and Athens.  He goes to France next week and Spain the week after i think.  Sometimes his trips are planned, sometimes he comes home and says, "I'm in South Africa tomorrow"  I never get used to him being away but i think over the years, it does get easier (did i just say that?) no, seriously i really think it does.  

  I have accepted that i suffer from anxiety and have all my life but over the years it has taken its toll on my health.  I had to laugh when Mike told me he was talking to some of our friends about me and they said "Oh, Irene is great, so laid back" Ha Ha....couldn't believe it!   But then, i thought, yes, i do appear like that from the outside...inside i am worrying about everything....

Don't forget you have a kindred spirit.  There are so many people apart for different reasons and it is hard but you can only feel your own pain.  

Thinking of you,
Irene.








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535294 tn?1219930112
Thanks...been having a good day so far. Slept 10 hours last night, have a bit of energy today.
Of course I'm still in my office, another hour away from wandering around the empty house yet....thinking I might just take myself out to dinner tonight. Having a good hair day and hate to waste it.
Wish I could find someone on this forum from Colorado that would like to get out once in awhile...oh well, I am one of those people that really doesn't mind dining out alone. It's either that or never go out and I'd go crazy.
You have a great night!
Suzy
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Avatar universal
Hope your day is going well and you manage to get some sleep tonight.
Keep your chin up!  :)
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Avatar universal
My hubby is Michael too but he gets Mike, although i sometimes call him Mikey!
We also have the same joke, yes, shopping.....but what else can one do!  Ha Ha!

I know what you mean about the food, Mike had to work for 3 months in the Ukraine, he said i wouldnt survive there because i look for every bit of fat when i'm buying meat he says i'm too fussy!  

Your Cherry tree sounds beautiful...i know what you mean though, sometimes you wonder if they are worth the trouble. I put black sunflower seeds out for the birds, they make such a mess!

Its not so warm here in the U.K, its about 75, its forcast rain tomorrow (typical!) always the same around Wimbledon season.  

I have to go cook dinner, so i'll log back on later....:)

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535294 tn?1219930112
Four years in Seoul....wow! She must love teaching there. I know Michael (can't keep calling him hubby forever) will come home 15 pounds thinner...the food is not an incentive to travel there. I won't get into the typical menu details...if you talk to your niece, you know. When he was there last August I heard more than I wanted to about it.

However Chicago is...so when I see him on the 12th the first thing he'll want (other than sleep) is going to be a big steak. As a matter-of-fact the day before we left we were watching a protest in Seoul against American beef on the news there.

I think I'm running out of rooms to decorate...might have to just start some over from scratch. I do have a lot of yard work that needs to be done. I have a cherry tree in my back yard that overhangs my deck. It has never born fruit in 10 years, but somebody must have planted one nearby because I it is now...thousands of them, however the birds get them first and then leave the pits on the deck..what a mess. So I think that maybe that's going to be my 4th...cleaning outside, planting flowers and working on my tan while I'm doing it....if I can find something that can stand the heat. Was 97 yesterday and looks to stay about the same for quite awhile.

Michael and I have a joke between us...the longer he's gone, the more it costs us because I will shop to pass the time if I have nothing else to do. And shopping online....everything I could possible want is right at my fingertips. :-))
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Avatar universal
Thats great you heard from him! Its good to accept the fact that you wont hear sometimes, i think that helps.  The time difference doesent help though does it!
Good too, that you are going on vacation.  My niece works in Seoul as an English/music teacher, she's been there 4 years now.  She came second in their version of Idol...how weird is that, considering she's Irish!
The tip from nursegirl regarding decorating is great, i decorated so much i'm sure the rooms became smaller!  
Thanks for accepting me as a friend, i'm a bit new to this!



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535294 tn?1219930112
lol....they are organized, but not alphabetized. There's something to think about....DVD;s and CD's are already alphabetized (as you can see he's been travelling for years, so I am always finding something to do.)
Bugs...yuk! I always pray he doesn't bring something really nasty back that might crawl into a suitcase....
Funny thing is...he almost did a job in Sicily instead of this one and I was going to fly out and meet him, but the Sicilian government decided there will be no exploration there...I have no desire to visit South Korea.
But yes, it was really good to just hear from him...I feel much better!
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480448 tn?1426948538
Wow...he must be literally exhausted!  :0(  His job sounds fascinating.  I have a friend whose hubby is a professional photographer...specifically of bugs.  BIG bugs.  Scary bugs...lol.  He has travelled to all kinds of rain forests, jungles, etc and him and his partner actually discovered a brand new type of bug!  Totally new species...they got to name it and everything after they photographed it.  I just find jobs like that...with travel to crazy places I would never think to venture just amazing.  Heck..I'm lucky if I make it off my back patio.....after all...there are June bugs and other things out there!!!  (shudder).

I'm glad he made it there okay.  At least that is one load off your mind.  It's also good to hear that you will be pretty busy...that will help immensely.  If you find yourself in a slower period...you can always alphabetize the cans in your pantry!  ;0)
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535294 tn?1219930112
I am trying to keep busy...work takes up my days,...although I will be bored over the long holiday weekend. My family is scattered all over the country, even my kids don't live too close.
But I just got an email from him...he finally got settled in a hotel in Seoul...hasn't been to sleep since he left at 5am yesterday, but it's nice to know he made it and is ok. He's going to get some sleep and head to the jungle tomorrow...actually later today where he's at, but it was just really good to hear from him. Once he hits the village emails will definitely be sporadic.
I am leaving on the 10th for vacation in Chicago and Michigan...best friends in Chicago (where I'm originally from) and my brother in Michigan...and he's flying into Chicago from Tokyo on the 12th to meet me, so at least we'll have a couple of vacation days together and we can fly back home to Denver together. He's going to be jet-lagged as heck, living July 12th twice and a 14 hours flight, but at least he'll be with me, even if I'm just watching him sleep!
Thanks so  much for the post..I know, keeping busy is the trick!
Suzy
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535294 tn?1219930112
I am doing ok right now...that is funny that you suggested redecorating....it is one of the things I do to keep busy when he's gone. Drives him nuts...everytime he comes home things are somewhere else, he can't find anything...but he knows it helps me pass the time so he really doesn't mind.
I took a break from my MBA classes too for the month of June, but they'll be starting up again July 15th...right about when work gets it's busiest fo rme so I won't have too much time on my hands to mope around.
Just taking it one day at a time...there will be good ones and not so good ones, but you guys on here are such a big help.
Thanks!
Suzy
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480448 tn?1426948538
Thinking of you....hope you're feeling okay this morning!

I was thinking...how about starting a neat project that you can do while he is away...both to occupy yourself, keep yourself busy...and also something that could be a surprise of sorts for him when he gets home?  A basic room redecorating.....with some moving of furniture, etc....a crafty type project (if you can do something like that...maybe even take a craft class locally).  Maybe a neat photo collage....something that would be meaningful to him?  Anything like that!

That way...you'll be keeping your mind busy and yet have something neat to show off when he comes home.

Just an idea!

Hugs to you.....
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Avatar universal
My husband goes away for long periods too. There have been times when there is no contact because of bad communication systems ect.  I know exactly how you feel. Its so hard when you just want to talk to him and you cant. I hate the fact that he has to be away but its his job and what else can you do?  All i can say is, as time goes on it does become easier.  Its good that you are working and keeping busy.  I try to do anything to  keep myself occupied.  Do you have close family and friends?  I  have been studying on some distance learning courses and that has helped tremendously, especially because i've been studying stress management techniques which has really helped with anxiety.   Never thought i'd achieve anything like that.   Time goes by so quickly, wont be long before he'll be coming home.  keep your chin up!
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535294 tn?1219930112
I know that there are many people that are separated much longer than me...6 or 7 months and I'd go crazy. The longest we've been apart is 6 weeks which seemed like a lifetime. I think the distance is the thing that bothers me the most. He's completely inaccessable....even when he's travelling we always talk every day, so the overseas trips are a little different and more difficult.

I went to bed early last night, got a good night's sleep and feel ok this morning. I'm going to just stay busy and focus on the things I can control and try not to worry about the things I can't.

And CJ is right...absence does make the heart grow fonder. The thing about being with someone that is away a lot is that you do appreciate the time you have together. He'd rather be home just as much as I want him here, and it's only 2 weeks.

It's not like he's on a beach vacationing without me...he's stuck in the Korean jungle during monsoon season working....

Thank you everyone for your posts....you're all wonderful and this forum is a good place for me when I start feeling down and anxious.

Suzy
Helpful - 0
480448 tn?1426948538
I'm so sorry your hubby is away...it is hard enough to deal with a pretty lengthy separation...let alone when they are so far away...it just FEELS like they are light years away I'm sure.  :0(

I hope you'll turn to us for support during this difficult time.  It may help to ease the anxiety a bit just to even be able to express your feelings and talk with others about it.  Especially with people who understand exactly how you feel...like cj.  That is a lot of stress.

You're in my thoughts....hang in there....and hopefully we'll make the days go by for you and before you know it...you'll be waiting for him to get OFF the plane!

Take Care.
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Avatar universal
I have spent six and seven months away from my wife during two different deployments to the Middle East.  I definitely understand what it is like to be away from a loved one, but let me just first say, I whole-heartedly agree with Michael, in that you sound very put together.  It is very hard at first, but one does 'adjust.'  Furthermore, even though it really is a hard thing to go through presently, and this probably sounds a little cliche, but absence does make the heart grow fonder.  I always try to look at every experience as something I can learn and grow from and that is definitely what we did through separation.  I know this is probably not much comfort but please keep us posted to what is going on.
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535294 tn?1219930112
Michael,

I am handling things the best I can....one day at a time and life does go on. I have to go to work every day, and in a couple of weeks I will be working at least 60 hours a week, and I have to be up for that.

My husband isn't in the military.....he's a geophysical engineer doing unconventional fuel exploration...that is what has him out of the country. Part of the reason I think this has me so upset is that he wasn't supposed to go until August, we have vacation plans that he won't be back in time for so I am doing that alone, and he won't be home for the holiday so I will just be bored. By the time he gets back I'll be working 7 days a week and we'll have no time together.

But, it is what it is...and I so appreciate the help in this forum when I get anxious, stressed, or just lonely.

Thank you for the post...

Suzy
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547573 tn?1234655710
Namaste,

It appears you're handling things very well, considering what's going on in your life right now.

If you're anxiety is that bad that you can't enjoy the weekend, remember that it is(from what I can tell without your history) a situational issue that will  go away.

If the problem persists, however, you may want to consult with a mental health provider.

I assume your husband is in the military and I know they have available resources readily available and remember we're always here if you just need to vent or some other form of support.

Michael
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