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682098 tn?1236911845

Please help I am so overwhelmed

Hello this is my first post on this forum maybe you can help.  I am a 36 year old female not in the greatest shape.  Well I am not overweight nor an I underweight but I have been gaining weight since I started the birth control last month for endometriosis.  My anxiety has been with me for the last couple years.  I have a racing heart beat, sweaty palms, I talk fast, worry about everything and everything.  Ever since I was diagnosed with ovarian cysts in October my anxiety has gotten worse.  I finally went to the doctor telling him I couldn't do anything about the cysts because I don't have health insurance.  I worried so much about the cysts because I was afraid of them rupturing. My grand-ma would calm me down and tell me it's ok they will go away, but I have endometriosis and those kind of cysts don't.  Anyway, back to the doctor.  He put me on Ativan and Paxil.  The Ativan became too much and I went through a bad withdrawl.  I went to the ER 3 times in 2 months because of this.  There was nothing they could do when I told them I was on this stuff and I wanted off.  I never tapered the right way.  Two of my ER trips were by ambulance.  I am so embarrassed this happened but one day I was by myself and I started having a panic attack.  I was scared that I called 911.  The first time I got to the hospital I did call a friend to pick me up after they stuck me in the waiting room and I knew I would be there for hours.  I cannot take medicine for my anxiety it messes me up worse than when I am taking it.  I don't feel like I need Paxil I am not depressed.  When I can off of that I felt like I was in another world.  It is horrible stuff for me.  Last month my husband took a loan out of the bank to pay for my surgery.  I had 2 ovarian cysts removed, my left ovary, and fallopian tube.  My doctor was suprised our bank did this and I am glad I got my doctor to do this surgery.  Now you would think I would feek better that this cysts are gone right?  WRONG!!!  I feel worse than I did when I had the cysts. My husband still doesn't have insurance with his job because they are on a hiring freeze, we have to pay the bank back the loan, I got laid off my job, and living in this apartment has taken a toll on me.  I cannot get insurance right away since most private health insurance companies say since I have a pre-existing condition there will be a wait.  They may cover other things but if I was to get another cysts they wouldn't.  Now if we had group insurance they would.  Oh and I have all the wonderful ER bills too that I cannot pay but maybe $5.00 a month.  I know it's sad and I feel horrible that I did this.  Even before I went on that medicine one of my ER visits was because the cysts was causing a lot of pain and I was scared it was going to rupture.  Lately I have been feeling pains and I feel more stressed than ever.  I try to make time to relax oh I didn't mention I have a seven year old who takes up a lot of my time.  I have been drinking lots of chamomile tea which relaxes me and gets my mind off things.  I have been having pains in my heart and I get scared.  They are not chest pains but just on the side of where my heart is.  It doesn't happen all day but comes and goes and when it does I get panicked and I feel like I am going to stop breathing.  I have to take a deep breath and get my mind off it.  All this started a few weeks after my surgery.  I hate being alone because it makes me more panicky.  I found that I have to get out and do things to get my mind off other things.  I am so afraid because we don't have health insurance and I know we are not the only ones.  But what I am scared of the most is that I have all these bills and not enough money to pay them all so that's why I give them $5.  I don't want to go back to the ER and them say there she is again, the hypochondriac.  I don't know what's wrong with me.  If someone out there could make me feel better.  If these pains I am having is stress related what could I do to stop this.  It's hard to relax but I don't want to go to any more doctors.
4 Responses
Avatar universal
In my state there is a county office for temporary assistance.  They usually can help you get medicaid health insurance if you are unemployed and are having a hard time.  Especially if you both are out of work I am sure your state or county office has help!
Your phone book may help you find these phone numbers.  Good Luck!
Avatar universal
Well your money issues can cause alot of it, we are in the same issues at my house with bills and everything just piling up. It stresses a person out to the point you think your going to go insane. I think alot of my anxiety comes from that. As for the meds I would ask your doctor for something milder I take citalopram and it only costs four bucks at walmart and it really helps me. As four all your anxiety sypmtoms it sounds like what everyone else has around here and that why we come here, just to talk and help ease our minds of our fears and read and try to help other people in similar situations with our experiences. So just try to relax enjoy life and try not to let the stress get you down.
Avatar universal
If you are in a failry good size city there will be a free clinic or two and also a hospital where they treat the uninsured.  Let me know if that might help.
All the best.
682098 tn?1236911845
Thanks for your comments.  Yes I live in Houston and there are county hospitals.  I did have a county card but now they tell me we do not qualify for a 100% discount do to my husband making too much.  We don't know when he will get benefits with his job, it stresses me out more than him because I am the one that gets sick more.  We have lots of bills.  We pay rent, car note and insurance, light and water, cable, food, and now the loans at our bank.  It's tough to afford health insurance but I know we can afford it.  My husband wants to wait until I get a job.  I know we would qualify but I would have to wait 12 months for the pre-exisitng condition.  Today has been ok for me.  The only problem I had earlier was that I broke down in tears talking to my husband about my childhood past.  I don't know what comes over me, but yesterday I saw my parents for Valentines and my brother was there with his girlfriend.  They like her but never liked my husband.  To make a long story short.  My brother and I have a 10 year age difference.  I am 36 he is 26.  They have always favored him over me.  He finished college, has a great job with benefits, has a house building, and a wonderful girlfriend they approve of.  For me I am a failure.  I have never been able to live up to my parents expectations.  I have a wonderful husband and son but they don't approve of.  I never finished college, don't have a job, and we are still living in an apartment after over 10 years.  I guess you can say I am a disappointment.
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