I'm such an emotional wreck, for the past two months have been some kind of hell for me. But I suppose I will have to take it from the top. On May 9th, 2009 I was enjoying the last day of my vacation in Trinidad, when that night I had a little too much to drink and wound up having unprotected sex with a "rasta" fellow I had befriended while over there . There were two sexual encounters that same night, both unprotected and I'd be lying if I say I thought of the consequences immediately after. It took me all the way up until November, after watching a special on HIV and other STDS to grow alarmed and want to get testing done. That had been my last sexual encounter. So November 12 I went for a papsmear, November 21 took a rapid HIV test at Planed Parenthood. It was negative, but my relief was short lived.
On November 30th I called the guy whom I had been with last in Trinidad. I immediately questioned his sexual health, asking him did he have HIV or any other STDs, to which he casually replied, "I don't know, its been some time since I got testing. You should go" My heart dropped, and when I told him I had already gone and got an HIV test, and that it was negative.... he said he didn't believe I went. I began to cry, which made him angry. "Well if you went and it was negative, why cry? It's been 6 months, if you were positive it woulda shown" , which is when I said I hope so, as I had been reading different things. But I told him, that is besides the point. How do you not know if you have HIV? And if you didn't know, why didn't you put a condom on? He blew up at me, saying "Do you think I would sleep with you knowing I had it? I don't think I do, but I can't say I don't because I have had multiple partners "
I hung up on him and became more anxious than I ever have in my life. I was already hardly eating, but after that conversation I lost my appetite altogether. Thanksgiving was horrible. I ate, but barely. Also my diarrhea got worse, I was extremely fatigued but yet couldn't sleep. I was reading that those are HIV symptoms, so even after my 6 months negative test, I had doubt and decided to get tested again. Dec.1st, I went to a random clinic and got another rapid test. It was negative, but the tester suggested I go have blood work testing for all STDs at s lab. So the same day I went to Quest, had my blood drawn to screen for HIV (again ), Hep C, HEP B, HSV1&2.
The wait on those results caused me to be even more anxious. Anxiety attacks. On Dec. 8th, I obtained the results from my doctor. "Negative for STDs that can kill you, but you have a 'little bit of Herpes "
That broke me, confused me, I never had any signs nor symptoms. She weighed me. 129. When I went to Planned Parenthood on November 12 I was 140. 11 lbs gone in less than a month? No way. Plus she told me my vitamin D was extremely low, like crazy low. I was horrified thinking perhaps that the herpes and vitamin D defiency could be intefering with my HIV testing. She told me negative results at 7 months were as good as gold, but to eliminate all doubt of hiv, to go for more extensive test that screen for the virus itself. HIV by PCR-RNA, and I did so. Results came back the 10th, and were negative.
Somehow I am still depressed and anxious. I keep thinking what if, my body is still going crazy. While I am not as anxious as I was, and eating more I still have not been digesting properly, I itch all over at nights despite bath after bath, my muscles ache. I still feel like I have HIV, like the labs perhaps mixed up the herpes and hiv results. I feel horrible, I don't go out, I sleep all day. Yesterday, the guy from Trinidad texted me saying I caused problems between him and his girl. I told him he caused problems for me by giving me herpes. His sister then calls me saying I'm playing games, because first I was talking about HIV and never mentioned Herpes, I told her I tested negative for HIV and positive for Herpes, that he was the last person I was with, and he should get tested and stop trying to base his status on me. He claims he used rubbers, but they popped and he kept going, but I honestly don't remember any. The point here is I am still afraid I have HIV, even after four negative tests at 7 months post exposure. I'm afraid ill test again in a month and finally show up positive, or that one of my testers may have injected me with a used HIV needle. Its terrible, Im losing my mind. Advise. ..please help I am 19 years old and lost, with no one to talk or turn to